4.30.2011

You Gotta Have Your Space

In our Free Store conversation on Friday we talked about the importance of setting up boundaries in our lives.  It is not good for us to be alone all the time and it isn't good to be with people all the time either.  We need a healthy balance in our lives.  George said that "you gotta have your space" and we all agreed that was very important.  Sheila talked about how her roomate would sometimes intrude on her personal space but that "I would get on his ass like wild rice."  We didn't know exactly what that meant but it was very funny.

We talked about how we deal with it when people overstep the bounds of our personal space.  Mark said that he would sometimes get angry and take it out on others.  But he realized that this was not the best way because people will often shut down and not communicate with you.  He also told us that he couldn't get off dope until he started to deal with his anger.  We talked about how anger is such a powerful emotion that it can prevent us from thinking calmly and rationally.  Mark asked if that meant that when somebody clogged the toilet at the free store instead of getting angry about it he should say, "It makes me feel bad when I have to clean up your crap" which made us laugh.

Sheila said that "you stuff your feelings" but that the tension just builds up.  Mark told us that when he gets really stressed he gets cold sores.  Sheila said that she got pissed off at a friend recently for being honest with her but that after thinking about what he was saying she felt better.  As our friends talked we were realizing that anger and repression are not  the most healthy ways to deal with our negative emotions.  The pressure will often build up until we can actually break down.

Since we recognized that there are negative ways to deal with boundary issues the question came up about what are some positive ways we could deal with people that pushed our buttons and crossed over lines.  George said that you should stay away from the bad people and hang with the good people.

Our friend Mark said that he liked to do things that make him feel like he is helping to do something positive.  He said "I know what my triggers are" and I don't want to get back into the drugs.  Our friend Robert said that you don't have to know what your purpose is because you can make your own purpose. 

Sheila told us that she has been journalling about her anger since losing her husband Dave.  She writes down all the things that she is angry about and then burns it.  She said that when she burns those journal pages it gives her an adrenaline rush and makes her feel better like she is releasing something bad.  Someone said that no matter how bad we feel life moves on and we have to move on with it.

In moving our conversation to a conclusion we talked about the importance of setting boundaries and keeping our lives in balance.  Terrence said that being availabe and offering support and friendship is the biggest thing we do for people.  George told us that people called him slow poke when he was a kid because he didn't learn very fast and that really hurt his feelings.  So we took the opportunity to tell him some of the many things we liked about him, not least of which is that he makes great coffee for us every morning.

4.29.2011

I Just Can't Forgive: Or Can I?

Our friend George Dunn joined us Thursday morning for our Free Store conversation.  I asked him what had been on his mind recently that he wanted to share with us and he said, "I've had a lot on my mind, but sometimes you have to get the clutter out of the attic."  George has a great sense of humor and we have learned to look forward to his clever sayings and rejoinders.

George said that he had been thinking a lot about the Lord's prayer recently and especially about forgiveness.  He said that one of the primary meanings of forgiveness was to release someone from debt.  Someone said that was called a bailout but only big banks seemed to be getting that kind of help recently which made us laugh.  George said that in forgiving others we are both releasing them and simultaneously letting go of the anger, bitterness, and negative emotion that can dominate our lives long after the injury has been done by the other person.

The idea came up that if somone injures another person that they are often required to pay some form of compensation for the damage.  But by forgiving someone we release them from paying for the damage they have caused.  We talked a bit about how people can do things to us that can make it very hard, if not impossible, for us to forgive.  The question was asked about what are some of the things we had experienced that we struggled to forgive.

Our friend Eddie said "my dad came home drunk and said I wasn't his son anymore."  Another friend told us that her mom left when she was six years old and never really told her that she loved her.  She said, "I just can't forgive her."  Another friend said that his dad abused him as a kid.  He also said that he remembered his dad saying to his mom, "Why don't you just shut up."  Sheila said that her father molested her and beat her mother.  She said that when he died she didn't feel bad at all but instead felt relief.  She said that she has never forgiven him and didn't know if she could.  Another friend said that there were some things in the world that he could not forgive like racism, ignorance, injustice and prejudice.  It was sobering to listen to these stories full of so much pain and abuse.

At this point George told us that our thoughts actually create neural pathways in our brains.  He compared it to the paths created by cows on the farm going from the field to the barn.  He said that these pathways were both emotional and intellectual (not the cow paths!) corresponding to the right and left hemispheres of the brain.  In this way negative thoughts and emotions can come to dominate our lives and can actually make it more difficult for us to experience more positive emotions like love, joy, and peace.

As the conversation moved to a close we talked about the healing power of forgiveness.  Sheila said that she had been trying to go through Dave's stuff since he had passed away and was really needing time to herself.  She was finding it difficult to say no to her friends and yet she felt they were stepping over boundaries by not recognizing her need for alone time.  Marney said that it was very important to set boundaries and to learn to say no.

Forgiveness can be very challenging but as we learned it can also liberate us from the negative thoughts and emotions that can dominate us, bind us up, and hold us down.  Such freedom sounded very much like good news to us.

4.28.2011

I Told God to Kiss My Rear End

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos joined us to continue working our way through the book of Galatians.  Carlos said that he was glad to be with us and that it was a good day.  We laughed when someone said that someday we would wake up dead so we should embrace every day of life on earth as a gift.

Carlos launched our discussion by highlighting that we have been talking about the don't system with its focus on rules which is opposed to the way of freedom and creativity.  He emphasized that although we can use our freedom to do whatever the hell we want that is not always the best way to live.  And even though we misuse our freedom and can even do damage to ourselves and others we are still valuable and have great worth.  He said that you don't go out and buy a new car just because the ash tray breaks on your old car which made us laugh.  There is value in the car even though it is unreliable and imperfect.  Our friend Eddie said that we mess up every day but God don't throw us away.

Someone brought up the Stephen King movie Christine about a car that was possessed and caused harm to everyone in its path.  There are many ways that we can use our freedom to be destructive of ourselves and those around us.  We talked about how the do-whatever-you-want attitude can often lead to some real dead ends in life.  Eddie said that sometimes the bottom was the best place to be.  Mickey said that he had neighbors that camped near him in the woods that threw wild parties and did not make the best neighbors.

Carlos said that rather than doing whatever we wanted that an alternative way to live was to let the Spirit of God be our GPS which made us smile.  He said that not drinking and not smoking was no better than drinking and smoking.  That one way was more restrictive and the other more permissive was not really the issue.  He said it is best to try to find out what God wants us to do rather than look for a rule that fits everybody.  Eddie told us about some friends he knew in Texas that would drink wine in moderation and dance as a celebration of their faith.  Jack told us that it is best to do everything in moderation and that there is evidence that moderate alcohol consumption has some health benefits.  Although later he told me that his wife Julie says that to say it is always best to do everything in moderation is not very moderate!

We talked about how just living to do whatever we want can often lead us to hurt others.  Eddie said that putting others down is not loving yourself.  And the question came up about how we can love others if we don't love ourselves.

Carlos moved us toward a conclusion with a question by asking us what we needed.  Our new friend Jimmy said he was blessed to be with us and that there were things in his life that he needed to change.  Eddie told us that "seven months ago I lost my wife, but my life is getting better little by little.  I had my back to God and told him to kiss my rear end.  But God was with me even though I didn't know it."  And through the support of friends he said that he had changed his outlook and felt that he was in a much better place.  That was a very encouraging thought and made us realize that no matter how dark life may be at times there is always reason for hope no matter how improbable.

4.27.2011

Pats on the Back and Kicks in the Pants

In our Free Store discussion on Tuesday morning we explored some of the things that Jesus said about giving. The question was asked about what motivated people to give. Mark said that he thought people often gave in order to show off their wealth. Sheila said that she thought giving should be done from the heart.

We talked about how giving can often be done in order to draw attention to ourselves and to gain the praise of others. Someone suggested that it wasn't a bad thing to want the affirmation of others and that it is very natural to crave and need praise and approval. We laughed when someone said that we needed at least as many pats on the back as kicks in the pants! I made the mistake of jokingly telling the group how I never tire of people telling me how good looking I am for which I was mercilessly teased beyond all reason the rest of the day.

Someone said that if we only do things to get the praise of others that this is a type of behavior referred to as external locus of control. In this way our behavior becomes dependent on external things which is not really a good way to live.  We talked about how it is never good to give our personal power over to others as this opens us up to being manipulated and exploited. We talked a bit about how if someone knows that we thrive on praise that the person might be able to manipulate us by praising us and whispering sweet nothings in our ears. Many heads around the room were shaking in agreement at this point in the discussion. We agreed that it is extremely important to be secure in ourselves and not to become overly dependent on external affirmation.

We thought it was interesting that Jesus basically said that we shouldn't let our left hand know what our right hand is doing when it comes to what we give.  Our new friend Robert thought that meant there is no reason to be preoccupied with our money.  We talked about how there are many things that we are not even conscious of in our daily lives.  Someone said that our eyes don't detect the ultraviolet rays even though they exist.  The same could be said about emotions and thoughts that are buried so deeply within us we are not even aware of them and the power that they exercise over our lives.
At this point the conversation turned toward the idea that giving is in reality something that arises naturally from within us as an expression of our true humanity. As human beings we are meant to give and receive love.  Our friend Terrence said that when we give to others we often find that we receive more than we give. He talked about being at church and giving his last dollar to help someone else and then he received five dollars from another person.

It is great to know that we have the capacity to expand our lives if we are willing to give and receive love as we are meant to do.

4.24.2011

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister Walk Into This . . .

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we talked about a story Jesus told about a Good Samaritan. Someone brought up that there was a Samaritan's Purse organization in Charlotte that gives away shoes to children that need them but we didn't think they had any relation to the story. Overall we didn't know much about Samaritans except that they were a group that was looked down upon because they married outside their Jewish race and religion. Someone brought up how every religion has its purists that look down on those that are more open and accepting of others.


We talked a bit about how groups and even individuals tend to look down on some other group or individual. Someone shared how even prison inmates, who are looked down upon by society in general, have a pecking order within the prison system. Child molesters are generally despised by even other inmates. The question was asked about what groups our society tends to look down on. Mark said that the homeless were looked down on as a group but not by everyone. Someone else said that homosexuals were often despised by others.

In the story Jesus said that a man was robbed and beaten and left to die along the road. As he lay there a priest came along the way but quickly moved to the other side of the road and kept going on his way. Our Jewish friend Karen said that this was because if the priest touched a dead body he would be unclean and would not have been able to perform his religious duties at the temple. She also said that he could have made other arrangements to help the man but didn't. The next person to come along was a Levite, who we thought was probably the priest's assistant and maybe something like a minister of music. This man also moved to the other side of the road and passed by without helping the dying man. Then the good Samaritan comes along and quickly tends to the beaten guy and arranges to have him cared for and to cover the expense. We laughed when someone said this story almost sounded like a good joke story, "A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into this . . ." showing that Jesus had a great sense of humor, unlike so many of his followers.

We talked about how people will often insulate themselves so they don't have to see the needs of others. The rich live in their gated communities, the middle-class live in their suburban oases, and the poor and homeless are pushed to the margins where they don't have to be seen. Someone said that it is a risky thing to open ourselves up to the people around us because if we discover that our neighbor is in need we will probably feel some kind of a desire to do something about it. We talked about how if we become aware of too much need around us we can feel overwhelmed.

Our friend Marney shared how she was learning about the importance of boundaries in her life. She talked about having to take care of four children that did not belong to her because she found it hard to say no. Karen said that women in general would often put the needs of others before their own needs. At this point Sheila talked about how she was feeling bad about not letting her homeless friends stay with her because she just needed quiet time to deal with the death of her husband Dave. She hoped that her friends would not think she was being mean or unkind but she was realizing she needed her personal space.

As the conversation moved to a close we thought that ignoring the needs of others is not nearly as satisfying a way to live as opening our lives up to others.  However, we all recognized the need to have boundaries and to show appropriate love for ourselves so that we could have something to bring to our relationships with our friends.

4.23.2011

Good Days, Bad Days, and Good Fridays

In our Free Store conversation Friday morning we talked about the meaning of the Good Friday holiday.  Interesting name for a day that we decided wasn't very good at all for the man that is being remembered on it.  We talked about how it was in reality the worst day of Jesus' life because it was the day that ended in his cruel death at the hands of his enemies.  Someone brought up how the day our friend Dave died a few weeks ago was a bad day.  And we all agreed that life is full of many bad days.  Someone said that you had better have your camera ready for the good days so that you can capture those fleeting happy moments.

Somehow the conversation turned toward the choices that we make.  Someone said that most people don't have a lot of control on how much money they make but that we always have the power to choose how we spend it.  We talked about how people can make good choices even though they don't have a lot of money.  It was empowering to realize that even though we might not have much we always have the power to make positive choices for our own lives.

Since it is Anticonsumerism April at the Free Store we started talking about the different ways that we can spend our money.  Since it is Good Friday we talked a bit about Judas, the man that betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver which was the going price of a slave in those days.  Someone said that God made us free but that human beings made slavery.  We talked about some of the bad things that people will do for money.  Somebody said that every time we use somebody for our own advantage that is a form of human trafficking.  It made us sad to think about all the ways that we can value stuff over people.

At this point someone brought up another character in the gospel story that gives us an alternative to Judas.  This character was a woman that bought a ridiculously expensive perfume and poured it on Jesus as an expression of her love for her friend.  We calculated that based on current minimum wage this perfume must have cost over $15,000 a bottle which is a lot of money to spend on someone.  The question came up about the best gifts we had ever received.  Sheila said a beautiful flower.  George said a portable DVD player and birthday party at the free store on his 50th birtday.

As we do so often in our conversations we talked about how the best and most important things in life are free.  There is a saying famous in NASCAR country (for those not from around these parts that stands for National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing--pronounced racin) "Gentlemen, start your engines."  We laughed a bit as we realized that none of us has to start our own engine because life is something that we have within us without even having to think about it.

Our friend Linda, who does not hide the fact that she has engaged in prostitution, said that you can't buy love.  Someone else said that the air we breath was free.  We got to laughing about the fact that it probably wouldn't be if someone could figure out how to control it.  And then someone said that if you need oxygen in the hospital it is actually very expensive.  Mark mentioned that medical services might be so expensive because of all the marble used in the construction of these elaborate hospital buildings.

In moving our discussion to a conclusion we encouraged one another to spend our resources on the people that matter in our lives.  All of our stuff will pass away with use but the people we love have eternal potential.

4.22.2011

Did You Have a Homeowner's Policy on That Tent?

George Dunn started our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning by saying that Christianity is not about words but about healing power.  He said that it seemed strange that so much of Jesus mininstry involved healing people and yet we see so little of it in the church today.  And that the healing that does take place is so expensive that many people can't afford it.

For some reason our discussion took a bit of a raucous turn at this point.  It came up that our friends Danielle and Mickey had their tent vandalized during the night.  Someone asked them if they had a homeowner's policy on it, which didn't seem like an entirely appropriate question, but it made us all laugh.  So we had some fun with the idea of insuring tents for homeless people.

Somehow the conversation turned to redneck jokes.  Our friend Rick asked us what were the last words of a redneck to which he said, "Hey y'all watch this!"  Curtis asked us if we knew how to entertain a redneck and said, "with a beer and a bug zapper."  I told the group about putting duct tape on my son Jon's backpack so that he could still use it and he told me, "I'm a redneck now dad."  At this point our friend John said, "Welcome to comedy central this morning" which helped us to realize that we had strayed a great way from our subject.

So back to the conversation about healing power.  Someone suggested that healing takes place all the time.  Every time we recover from a common cold it is because of the amazing healing mechanisms of the human immune system.  George told us about synthetic organic chemistry that studies the healing power of plants in order to promote natural remedies for health problems.

Our new friend Robert told us about going to the emergency room and being charged $160 for a bandaid and ointment.  He was told that "it will heal itself."   I told the group about my daughter Val's trip to the emergency room for a broken finger.  After receiving the hospital bill I told them that the pain had migrated from her finger to my wallet.  These stories made us laugh but they also made us question why we are so willing to pay so much money on doctors and drugs when the real healing power is in the body itself.

At this point George brought up that Jesus performed many of his miracles on the Sabbath.  He said that Jesus did this to piss off (which is not in the original Greek but should be!) the religious establishment since that was their holy day of rest which they had come to elevate about the needs of people.  Curtis said they didn't like Jesus because they were jealous that he knew more about their religion than they did, the supposed experts in the law.

As we moved the conversation to a close we talked about how unconventional and unpredictable Jesus could be.  George said that Jesus showed us a different kind of leadership than the typical "Simon says" type of game that is played.  We learn as children that you have to do exactly as simon says or you are out and most leaders want us to play by those rules.  George told us that at an earlier point in his life he had the attitude, "kill a communist for christ and two on sunday" until he realized that Jesus said love your enemies.  He said that this seriously messed up his former values.  Our friend John said that "nobody said the word would be easy" which left us all with a lot to think about.

4.21.2011

I Like To Go For My Dreams

Our friend Carlos joined us on Wednesday morning and continued leading us through the book of Galatians.  It's sort of a Galatians for dummies approach but we have found the discussions interesting and they always leave us with a lot to think about.

Carlos started out with a bit of a review telling us that we are really talking about is a system of rules that are designed for children.  However, as we become adults we should be intrinsically motivated and not need this system of dont's with its limitations and prohibitions.  The question was asked, "What are you gonna do and create in your life?"  Shay asked us to think about what we are good at.  And Cheronne said that we should think about what our passion is.  He then said, "I like to go for my dreams."  He told us that God puts desire in our hearts and inspires us to do great things with it.  This was a very encouraging message from our young friend.

Carlos explained that there are two false options in life.  One is to follow the don't system with all its rules and prohibitions.  Shay thought that way of living would be boring.  And George said that a person that lived that way would be lazy.  The other way is to completely reject this law and fear-based system and think to ourselves, "I can do whatever the fuck I want."  Although we smiled at this we recognized that such anarchistic thinking may not lead to the best way of life either.  Carlos suggested that the third choice was to be open to the Spirit of God which gives us the freedom to do and to create.

One of our new young friends said that when you try to follow your dreams and be creative that people will try to mess with you.  Many heads were nodding in agreement as someone said that negative people will often tell us that we can't do what we really want to do.  Carlos said that by focusing on what we can't do that we don't ourselves to death which made us laugh.

In closing our conversation the questions were asked, "What good thing do you want to do today?"  And, "What is your dream?"  Curtis said that he wanted to stay healthy and develop positive friendships.  That sounded like a great idea to us and we encouraged him to do it and told him that from what we knew about him that he definitely had the ability to make it happen.

4.20.2011

Quid Pro Quos and Stubborn Trust

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about two of the great characters in the Bible: Jacob and Job.  We like to say that characters are welcome around here and we love the wonderfully diverse group of friends that form our community.

We started by talking about Jacob and how his name means "heel-grabber."  We considered how our names can shape us and how unfortunate it is to be labelled in such a negative way.  Someone mentioned an old Johnny Cash song about a "Boy Named Sue" which made us laugh.  As we continued our discussion we focused on the part of the story in Jacob's life where he was running for his life from his brother Esau.  In the story Jacob basically says that "if" God will protect him and give him food and shelter that "then" he would serve God.  We all agreed that this was a very common way to relate to each other and to God.  If you scratch my back I'll scratch  yours is a pretty nice arrangement after all.  We talked a bit about how relationships of mutual support and concern are vital to our well-being.

At this point one of our friends told us about a family member that told her he wished a certain person would die.  And although she could sympathize with the feeling she encouraged him to be more accepting of the other person even though that person could be very nasty and hurtful.  This story sort of emphasized how the you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours approach to relationships has its limits.  Someone said that it gives the other person too much power.  Since we will only treat people like they treat us we are simply responding to others.  This means that we become reactive rather than proactive in our relationships.  We agreed that it is not good to give others that much power over our lives.  Another friend said it was important to love others even if they didn't love us back but that doesn't mean we have to like them which made us laugh.

This led us to talk about Job who is another of the great characters in the bible.  We talked about how Job pretty much lost everything he had, including all of his children.  Someone said that Job was a bit of a whiner but that he actually had a lot to whine about.  But rather than give up on God because of all the crap in his life Job stubbornly kept trusting in spite of the negative cirumstances.  This led a few of our friends to talk about some of the challenges they were facing in their lives that required a subborn faith.  We agreed that it is relatively easy to trust God when things are good but that when things go bad it is difficult.  Joelle said that is when we start asking, "Why me?"

One of our new friends shared how she was in danger of losing her house and that she was feeling very fearful about this.  But that she was glad she had joined us because it helped her to get out and be around other people rather than sitting around whining about her circumstances.  Our friend Terrence told us how nice it was to be involved in a service over the weekend in which his 9 year old son was recognized for some good things.  Our friend Marney talked about having a good morning with her teenage son in spite of some of the challenges they are facing and that he was beginning to realize the importance of cooperating with her.

As our conversation came to a conlusion we felt encouraged that we could continue to learn better ways to relate to God and to one another.

4.16.2011

I've Never Seen A U-Haul Following a Hearse

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we continued our month long exploration of issues of wealth and poverty.  Our tagline for the month is "Stop Buying Shit and Shop at the Free Store."  We are having some fun with the whole Anti-consumerism April thing as well as some growing pains as many of us are discovering how deep rooted is this insatiable impulse to buy stuff.

We started the conversation by talking about no matter how much we have it is never enough.  Our reach always seems to exceed our grasp when it comes to money.  We looked at a text in Ecclesiastes that says that if you love money you will never have enough of it and that if you love wealth you will never be satisfied with your income.  Sheila said that even though you need money it doesn't make you happy.

Someone brought up the TV show Buried Alive that goes inside the homes of extreme hoarders to explore the psychology of it.  This made us smile as we talked about how attached we become to things and how such attachments aren't always healthy.  We become so attached to our things because we start to view them as an extention of ourselves.  This is why we feel violated when someone steals something of ours.  But this is why it can actually be liberating to lose things because it can free us from our attachment to stuff that can't make us happy and doesn't define who we are.  Having more stuff doesn't make us more of a person and having less stuff doesn't diminsh who we are.  At this point our friend Larry walked into the room and gave Sheila a rose that he had cut from one of the bushes at the warehouse.  We all thought that was a very sweet gesture and Sheila was very pleased with it.

Someone brought up how someone might stay in a marriage with a person they don't really love just for the money.  Sheila got us laughing when she talked about meeting her husband Dave.  At the time he was homeless and only had a couple pairs of pants and a couple shirts but she saw his heart and loved him, and the rest, as they say, is history.

We talked about how being rich might seem like the solution to all our troubles but we decided that is not a realistic way of thinking.  Someone said that the more you have the more you have to lose which gives you more to worry about.  We talked about how you could have a very high paying job and yet still be miserable because you don't like what you do at work.  Mark said that if you don't like your job you have a lot of time to be miserable.  For some reason this led us to talk about our favorite jobs.  Rick said his favorite job was as head teller at a bank.  George said that he liked working at a factory that made steel doors even though he was having issues at home with his wife at the time.  Sheila said her favorite job was working for AT & T.  Mark said that he enjoyed doing home renovations and he told us about a friend that used to tell him to find work that he enjoyed and that the money would follow.  Interestingly Mark got a phone call during our discussion and later told us that he was hired to start working on Monday morning for which he was very happy.

We talked about how we bring nothing with us into the world and that we take nothing with us when we depart, naked we come and naked we go as it says in the good book.  Sheila made us laugh when she asked why it was so important to wear clothes all the time.  We talked about how the Egyptian King's used to have their stuff buried with them but that when the archaelogists dig up their tombs up the stuff is still there.  We laughed a bit imagining how disappointed they must be when they arrive at their destination without their extensive luggage!  Mark told us that his grandmother used to tell him, "I've never seen a U-Haul following a hearse."

As our conversation moved toward a conclusion we looked at another text in Ecclesiastes that says, "it is good for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot."  Someone mentioned a scene in the movie Antz in which the ant character voiced by Woody Allen says, "It's my lot in life, it's not a lot but it's my life."  It really is a gift to find enjoyment in our lives and our work and not worry so much about the money.

4.15.2011

The Pirate's Code and the Ten Suggestions

In our Thursday morning Free Store conversation George Dunn joined us as he normally does.  George always brings at least a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and we have noticed that our friends have started coming early on Thursdays which we think might be related in some strange mystical way to the donuts but we're not certain.

George started the discussion, well we call it a discussion even though George can be a bit preachy but at least he is lively and entertaining and he lets us interrupt him.  He told us that he wanted to talk about the ten suggestions which were found in the biblical book of Exodus.  This brought a smile to our faces and someone made a reference to the movie Pirates of the Carribean and the Pirate's Code which was actually more like guidelines than a strict code.

This thing about rules and laws comes up quite a bit in our discussions so apparently as a group we must have some issues with authority.  But as many of us have discovered these mechanisms of control do as much, if not more, to keep us down as they do to keep us straight.  Our friend Marney talked about how it was possible to get so focused on the rules that we could lose sight of what they were all about.  So although we understand the necessity of rules and laws we think there is a better way to live, a way that encourages creativity and promotes mature and loving relationships.

So back to the ten suggestions George told us that God gave them through Moses, which is really not that many when you think about it, but that then the lawyers went to work and before long there were way more rules than anyone could possibly keep track of, no less keep them all.  George was quick to point out that we like lawyers, especially as our good friend Robert is an attorney and also a supporter of the free store which made us all laugh.  Not long after this Robert walked in on our discussion so he must have sensed we were talking about him.  He told me later that he likes to join us when he can to feel alive before he goes to work and starts dying.

As our conversation proceeded we started talking about how all rules are subject to personal interpretation.  I then told the group how my son Jon apparently has a different interpretation of the word clean than his mother and I do when it comes to cleaning his room.  George mentioned how every law, even the divine laws, can be interpreted in different ways and used the example of the fourth commandment and whether it refers to Saturday or Sunday, which religious people have argued about for centuries.  On a positive note Marney then told us about how pleased she was that recently she was able to enter into an agreement with her eighteen year old son that she felt was real progress in their relationship.

Sheila told us that she was having a hard time dealing with the death of her husband Dave recently but that she was doing what she had to do.  She told us about a friend that had encouraged her "to get off your ass and get to work" and how that had actually helped her which made us smile.  She said that she hoped Dave was in heaven and we all encouraged her to keep hoping because if it is true that God is love then there is hope for all of us beyond the cold grave.  George encouraged us to read Rob Bell whose name rhymes with "go to hell" but whose message is the opposite of that bad news.

As we wrapped the conversation up George talked about following our own conscience and not imposing our personal rules on others.  He talked about some of his vegan friends that are just horrified at his unapologetic carnivorous diet which made us laugh.  He encouraged us with the idea that God relates to us as individuals and to give each other the same freedom that has been so generously given to us.

4.14.2011

Do I LOVE you or do I love YOU?

In our free store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos started us off by asking us to think about where the emphasis is placed when we say, "I love you."  Is it I LOVE you?  Or is it I love YOU?  Do we love because that is just something that we do?  Or do we love because of some quality in the person that we are loving?  He told us to keep that distinction in mind as we continued our study in the book of Galatians.

We jumped into the conversation by talking about Abraham's two sons, Isaac and Ishmael, and his two wives, Sarah and Hagar.  We joked a bit about what it might be like to have two wives or two husbands but in general nobody thought that would work out very well.  Carlos basically told us that Abraham's two wives represent two different ways of relating to God.  The one way is governed by rules.  We have come to refer to this as the "don't system."  But what we have been discovering is that the "don't system" just "don't" get us right with God.  Someone said that when we are always taught "don't" that we come to think that we "can't" and so we don't.  That whole system is completely self-defeating and many of us have come to see it is also a dead end street.

Carlos told us about being required to take a driver's education class as a result of some traffic violations.  He didn't say exactly what they were and we missed our chance to ask him and tease him about it.  But he said that a guy in the class asked the training officer about how much you could travel over the speed limit before getting a ticket.  The officer explained to the man that it was called speed "limit" for a reason and that you could be ticketed no matter how fast you were going over that limit.  This made us laugh as we realized that the law points out our limits rather than stretching us to develop our potential.

Our friend Carolyn told us later in the day, when she stopped by for a visit, that she had been at the courthouse and had left her car parked on the street too long and got a ticket.  When she came out and saw the officer writing the ticket she said "I've never gotten a ticket before, can you take it back."  The officer said, "No.  You have to keep it."  That story gave us a great deal of pleasure as it showed us even more clearly the function of the law to limit us rather than to further our development.

So we were glad when Carlos pointed out that there is another way of living that is an alternative to the don't system with its rules and limits.  This is the way of love and creativity and freedom. It puts us on a path of growth that leads us to become mature and responsible human beings.  This way of life frees us to do things that seemed impossible under the don't system that pounded the can't into our brains.  Carlos told us that we can live by love and that we could do it today.


As our discussion moved to a conculsion one of our friends talked about a neighbor that she had helped but the woman was now treating her unkindly.  Carlos said that sometimes when we love people they may think that we are trying to manipulate or take advantage of them in some way because they are not used to being loved in the right way.  Sheila told us about experiences she has had in helping some of her homeless friends and then being taken advantage of.  However, she said that she was going to keep loving them anyway because she remembered how hard it was to be on the street.  She talked about how we don't always know how difficult another person's life may be and that we shouldn't love people just because of what we can get out of them.

That seemed like real wisdom and it also brought our conversation full circle back to where we started.  Do I LOVE you?  Or do I love YOU?

4.13.2011

Life Lessons From a Remote Controlled Monster Truck

Our good friend Gary joined us as he normally does on the second Tuesday of each month for our free store conversation. He was carrying a brown bag with him that we initially thought contained food but we soon discovered that instead he had brought a toy. Now he told us that it was a toy that his grown kids had left behind when they moved out of the house. But given the fun that he had with it we teased him that he clearly had purchased it for himself.

The toy turned out to be a remote controlled monster pick up truck that Gary proceeded to put on the floor and run around the room. He managed to run over a few toes and bump into a few walls for which he was properly scolded. As he ran it around the room Gary said that the toy went exactly where he directed it and did exactly what he wanted it to. Then he asked us to imagine that he was God and the truck was a human being and to think about how his relationship to it was both like and unlike our relationship with God.

Curtis started things off by saying that whereas the truck was completely under Gary's control that human beings have free choice so we don't have to do what God wants us to. We talked about how God gives us signals and directions but that we are much more complicated than an inanimate toy. Gary said that since the truck was wireless the signals were invisible to us just like our relationship with God. 

Someone else said that like the truck we get our power from a source outside of ourselves and if God didn't push the power button we wouldn't go anywhere.  We talked a bit about how our world is infused with the life of God and that to mistreat any part of it, including ourselves, animals, and nature, is to disrespect the source of life itself.  Linda made us a laugh when she said that our batteries also ran out like the toy truck. Someone else said that we could do a lot more damage to ourselves and others than the toy truck.

Although we weren't sure exactly how it fit in Terrence said that God wants us to prosper but that we shouldn't think of this as only about money and material things. He said that our spirit was just as important as our physical body to which many heads were nodding in agreement.

In concluding our discussion Gary told us a story about a hermit that lived in a cave and said this might not be a lot different than the living situations of some of our friends. The hermit returned to his cave and discovered a thief. He told the man that he only had three things; a small bowl, a thin mat to lay on and he said the thief could take those items but the other thing he could not give the thief. The thief was of course interested in the third thing so the hermit took the man down to the trail to a pond. As it was night the hermit pointed to a round silver disk in the middle of the pond and pointing to it said "that is the thing I cannot give you." The thief realized that the disk was the reflection of the moon. The hermit said that it was a reminder to him that all the good things in the world were a reflection of the love of God and were gifts that could be pointed out but not given away.

We were very encouraged to realize that the most important things in life can neither be bought with our money nor stolen from us. Gary said that was a bit like what was happening at the free store which made us all smile.

4.10.2011

How You Treat People Is More Important Than Anything Else You Do (Yes Anything)

In our Saturday morning free store conversation we talked about something Jesus said in his famous sermon on the mount.  He basically told his friends that if they were at the altar with their gift and they remembered that someone had something against them that they should leave their gift and go and make things right with that person.  We talked a bit about what it meant to take a gift to the altar since this wasn't something that was very familar to us.  Someone said that it was like taking an offering to church.  This made sense and we all agreed that Jesus was most likely talking about the religious act of presenting a gift to our God, whether it be in a synagogue, temple, mosque, or church.

Someone asked the question why human beings feel like we have to give gifts to God.  We wondered what it says about God that we think we have to give gifts in order to receive the divine favor.  Someone suggested that it might be because we are afraid of God and feel like we have to pay for our mistakes in some way.  We laughed when someone said that at least we don't have to offer animal sacrifices anymore because we only kill them for hamburgers at McDonalds now.

At this point in our conversation someone said that it was pretty radical that Jesus told his friends to leave their gift at the altar and go make peace with the person that had something against them.  It seemed radical to us that Jesus would say that our relationships with people trumps our relationship with God.  That is exactly the opposite of what most of us had been taught at church.  Our friend Debbie said that it was probably harder to deal with people so instead we focus on our relationship with God.  When questioned about what that meant she said that if we think that God loves us then we sort of know that we will be accepted.  However, people don't have to accept us when we reach out to them so it's a bit more risky for us.

We talked a bit about what kinds of things that people might hold against one another. One of our friends said infidelity was hard to forgive.  George thought that lying and stealing were pretty good reasons to be upset with someone.  Sheila said that it was very difficult to deal with someone that wouldn't communicate with you.  It was sobering to realize how many things that we can do to offend and hurt others.  But at least we have the opportunity to minize the damage that we do by reaching out in friendship even when we have made mistakes.

As the discussion moved toward a conclusion the question came about why treating others could be more imporant than even our worship of God.  After a bit of silent reflection someone suggested that since every person is made in the image of God then the way we treat people is in reality the way that we are treating God.  Although we found that statement a bit challenging it is also very encouraging.  Every person matters and no one has a right to abuse another human being.

4.09.2011

I'm Rich and Noboby's Gonna Make Me Poor

In our Friday morning free store conversation we talked about the story that Jesus told about a rich man and his dishonest manager.  The gist of the story is that this rich guy discovers that his property manager is embezzling money.  We started by talking about how people that have a lot of stuff actually depend on other peope to manage it for them.  We had a bit of fun when we started asking around the circle if we could make a list of everything that we owned.  Rick admitted that he couldn't even make a list of everything he had in his bedroom.  And we all laughed when he talked about having drawers full of stuff that he didn't even know he had.

We also talked about how much energy people put into protecting the stuff they have.  Like the rich man in the story we all cling to the property that we have like it was a lifeline.  Rick told us about a man that he knew that used to say, "I'm rich and nobody's gonna make me poor" which gave us a good laugh.  Somehow we were all able to identify with this attachment to possessions that can be so exagerrated in very rich people.

When we got back in the story we discovered that when the dishonest man was caught stealing that put him in a real bad spot.  He basically admitted that he had a pretty cushy job with the rich guy but didn't like the idea of having to look for other means of support.  Basically he didn't want to have to get a job that required too much physical work and he was too proud to beg.  This gave us a bit of a laugh and led us into a discussion about some of the worst jobs we have had.  George said he used to pick tobacco which was very hot and hard work.  He said that sometimes snakes would hide around the base of the plants as well as spiders.  Rick told us about his nephew that went to work on the farm and after the first day collapsed on the bed at the end of the day and slept right through until morning.  He was impressed when the kid got up and went to work the next day and worked on the farm the whole summer.  Someone else talked about digging ditches when he was fifteen years old and deciding right then that he would go to college.

We also talked a bit about how it can be humiliating to beg or even to ask for help.  We decided that it was mostly pride that kept us from asking for help even when we needed it.  Interesting that many of our friends actually resort to begging as a means to support themselves.  Our friend Billy used to sit at the free store table and write on his cardboard sign "Homeless, Hungry, Please Help."  Then he would wink when he left and say, "I'm goin ta use my credit card."

We discovered that the dishonest manager came up with a very creative solution to his problem.  He called all of the people that owed the rich man money and had each of them reduce their bill by about fifty percent.  We got a bit of a laugh out of this and smiled at the man's ingenuity.  George said that guy was like Robin Hood stealing from the rich to give to the poor but that it was still wrong.  The thing that really struck us was that the rich man actually commended the dishonest steward.  He basically said that the guy was smart for using his money to make friends.  And since Jesus told the story we felt that he was also commending the man for his use of money to make friends.

Someone told the story about a friend he knew named Dave that sold his small general store and bought a van and motorcyle and now travelled around the country and spent time with friends everywhere he went.  Dave used to say, "Man you own too much to be free."  We talked some about how it might seem like a good thing to be wealthy and have a lot of stuff but it all comes with a price.  We might like the big house but that house comes with a big mortgage which requires a big paycheck which means the owner has to keep his big paying job even if he hates it.

In conclusion we talked about how the best use of money is to spend it on the people around us.  We can get so preoccupied with our possessions that we can easily forget that it is really our relationships in life that matter most.

4.08.2011

Panic Attacks, Atrial Fibrillations, and Zombies

Our friend George Dunn joined us as he normally does for our Thursday morning conversation.  George is pretty popular at the free store, in part because he brings at least a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts each time that he comes.  Beyond this he is very generous and does what he can to support his friends.  We refer to him now as the loaves and fishes guy.  George has a great sense of humor and always gives us something challenging and inspiring to think about.

Our friend Donald was first in line for the donuts, but as we have seen before just how many the man can consume we had to limit him to just one. It was all in good fun and Donald knows that we care about him and he was able to laugh as we teased him about it.

George started the conversation by telling us that heart disease is the number one killer in our country.  And that hypertension is the number one cause of heart disease.  And that anxiety is the number one cause of hypertension.  George told us that he has had three heart attacks and the last one was nearly fatal but through it he came away with a new sense of purpose and meaning for his life.  He suggested that the way to best deal with anxiety is to learn to trust in God rather than government, medicine, or social security.  George always has a bit of a twinkle in his eye as he says such things.

We talked a bit about how ironic it is that as a country we have so much wealth and yet so little health and happiness.  Collectively we probably take more Prozac and other antidepressants than any other place in the world.  One of our friends said that the more you have the more that you have to lose and the more that you have to worry about.

A new friend told us that she suffered from very severe panic attacks.  She said that she was trusting God and taking some medication for it and hoped to get it under control.  She said that it was very scary and yet she was hopeful that her condition would improve.  Our friend Paul talked about his anxiety over being diagnosed with atrial fibrillation which runs in  his family and that he knows it can be fatal.  It was sobering to realize as we listened to our friends that there are very real and legitimate reasons for our fears and anxieties.

This led one of our friends to talk about how our anxieties can be irrational at times as well.  He told us about his son Jon who is deathly afraid of zombies and refused to go outside after dark the other night to get the mail even though he thought it might contain a video game he was expecting.  This made us laugh as we realized that our minds can manufacture things to be worried about even when there is no real threat.

We concluded our conversation with a discussion about how we can throw a pity party for ourselves as we face adverse circumstances.  This is the classic question we throw at God as we rail against the cruel universe, "Don't you care about us?"  Or we can learn what it means to trust God as a way to manage our anxieties and learn to live without disabling anxiety and fear.  This is the classic question that God asks us as we sob and bluster, "Don't you trust me?"

4.07.2011

Plan B Is What We Do

Carlos joined us for the free store conversation on Wednesday morning and continued leading us through the book of Galatians in the New Testament.  He led us in a discussion of the two sons of Abraham, Isaac and Ishmael, and their symbolic significance which he told us was deep stuff.  But we have learned that Carlos is fearless and very helpful about dealing with the deep stuff and so we ploughed on knowing it would be worth the effort even if we didn't understand it all.

We had a little fun with the idea that Abraham had two wives as well as two sons.  The men weren't sure that having two wives would work that well.  George was certain that two would be too many.  One of our friends said that the extra wife would just be one more woman to beat  his balls which made us all laugh.  Linda didn't think it would be any better to have two husbands, especially given her current circumstances in a tent in the woods which also made us smile.

Carlos told us that God had an A Plan for Abraham's life which included giving him children more numerous than could be counted.  However, Abraham and his wife Sarah both were getting older and still had no children so the time came when they decided they needed a B Plan.  So Sarah suggested that Abraham have sex with the slave girl Hagar as a way to have the children they were promised.  As it turned out Hagar got pregnant and Sarah got jealous and Abraham got grief.  So Plan B didn't work so well and Hagar and Ishmael ended up in the desert about to die.  Fortunately God intervened and spared Hagar and Ishmael and went back to work with Abraham and Sarah on Plan A.

At this point Sheila and Rick joined our discussion.  We all shared our sympathy with Sheila over the loss of her husband Dave.  Carlos asked how they were doing and invited them to talk about what they were feeling.  Sheila eventually did talk about her feelings in losing her husband Dave.  She told us that losing a husband was very different than what she had experienced in losing her sister and mother years ago.  She told us that the house just seemed so empty without him.  She said that she even missed things about him that at one time seemed a bit irritating, like the TV playing too loud.  But she told us that it helped to have the support of friends around her and others that were contacting her through Facebook.

We wrapped up our conversation by talking about how our Plan B is often not the best plan but that God continues to work toward the A Plan for our lives.  That sounded to us like very good news.

4.06.2011

Hard Is What Makes It Great

In our free store conversation on Tuesday morning we looked at the story about Jesus being tempted by the devil in the desert.  We focused on that part of the story where the devil takes him to a high mountain and shows him all the glory of the kingdoms of the world in a brief panoramic vision.  Shay shared with us how she had just had a dream the night before in which she was warned not to go to a certain place.  We talked a bit about how dreams and visions are similar and can have importance in our lives but there is no exact science in interpreting them.

This launched us into a discussion about places we would like to see if we had the chance.  George said he would like to go to Africa and see all the wild animals and maybe even Mighty Joe Young which gave us a good laugh.  Our friend Shay said she would like to go to Egypt and see the pyramids.  Rick said that he would love to travel to Germany.  When asked why he said there was no particular reason but some of us suspected it was because of the beer.   Christy and her fiance, who had spent the night in a small pup tent in the woods during the severe wind storm, said they would like to go to Hawaii or a tropical island in Mexico, anywhere sunny and balmy.  We all agreed that our world was a beautiful and amazing place in spite of all the bad stuff in it.

We talked about how Jesus in the desert was being offered all the glory and power in our world in exchange for an easy act of worship.  Someone suggested that it was a story about being offered something the easy way rather than doing things the right way which is often the hard way.  We talked about that classic picture of the good angel on one shoulder and bad angel on the other pulling us in two different directions.

Someone said that it was the desire to make money the easy way that made people like Donald Trump a rich man which made us smile.  One of our friends recounted a scene from the movie "A League of Their Own" in which the women's baseball team's star player quits before the last game because "it's too hard" and the coach says to her, "If it was easy everybody would do it.  Hard is what makes it great."

We talked about how doing things the easy way is not always the best way and someone said that short cuts can turn out to be nothing more than dead ends.  We talked about how many of the best things in life are also hard things.  Exercise is hard but the rewards are very satisfying.  George said that it was hard working on the GED but he is determined to do it because he knows it will be worth the effort. Many of our friends seemed very reflective as we talked about these things.

As our conversation moved toward a conclusion a new friend that had joined us for the first time said that she felt like the discussion was just for her.  She talked about wanting things in her life to come together quickly and easily and that she was realizing that was not going to happen.  We thanked our new friend for sharing.

We have so many friends that inspire us with their fath and hope in the face of serious adversity.  We found it very encouraging to think that the hard things in our lives can make us great.

4.05.2011

It's a Bad Day

In our Saturday morning free store conversation we talked about our good friend Dave Reynolds that just passed away on Friday, April 1.  Sheila and Dave have been instrumental in the operation of the free store since we moved into the Area 15 warehouse almost two years ago.  Before he became too ill to staff the store on a regular basis Dave used to manage the almost free section of the store where we sold some furniture and electronic items.  Dave was a natural salesman and enjoyed haggling over prices with our customers although he would rarely lower a price once he set it much to the frustration of our friends.  He thought that in general our prices "were too damn low."

We started our discussion with the question about what things can help us to deal with the grief we feel when we lose someone that we care about.  George perfectly expressed how we were all feeling when he said, "It's a bad day."  So we acknowledged our collective sadness and began to talk about where we found strength to face our friend's death.  Rick said that he was encouraged to think that Dave had gone  to a better place and that his struggle was over.  We all agreed that Dave had really struggled the last months of his life with end stage lung disease that had him in the hospital seven times since January.  Someone else mentioned how profound and yet unfathomable hope can be when staring into the lifeless face of a once living person.  We talked a bit about how life would seem so meaningless if death really was the ultimate end of existence.

Our friend Donald talked about meeting Dave when he first started coming to the free store and Dave told him to just come and hang out because he would meet people that cared about him.  Donald said that he likes to come to the free store "cos white folks are nice to me and it don't matter if you're black or white."  He also said that "God is good" and we should keep our faith and not give up.  We thanked Donald for his comments and encouraged him to keep his remarks short and give others a chance to speak (we've learned that Donald can be quite a preacher when he gets cranked up).

At this point our friend Tony told us that he thought it was good to be with family and close friends at a time when someone dies.  Meanwhile our friend Robert kept wandering in and out of the room while we were having the discussion.  Tony said it made him feel better to be with people that cared about him.  And our friend Rick said later that it made a big difference when you had people to support you when you had to go through something like this.

We laughed a bit when one of our friends reminded us that Dave was the free store "junkyard dog" and that he had managed to ruffle a few feathers along the way.  There were many days that feathers would have to be smoothed after one of our friends would encounter the tougher side of Big Dave.  He also introduced us to the "oyster shooter" at our staff meetings at Boardwalk Billys which now serves as something of an initiation rite for those friends that move into the inner circle.  We all smiled knowing that it was all part of who Dave was and ultimately part of the man that we loved and will miss.

4.02.2011

Anti-Consumerism April or Stop Buying Shit and Shop at the Free Store

In our friday morning free store conversation we had a group of college students from the University of North Carolina join us.  They were doing community service hours for credit in classes they are taking in ethics and philosophy taught by our friend and their teacher Ellyn Ritterskamp.  So before we put them to work cleaning the store, organizing donations, and making sandwiches for lunch we got into a discussion about our consumer culture and its impact on our lives.

We started the conversation with the question about what are some of the negative effects on our lives of our consumer culture.  As there were some business majors with us we thought someone might challenge the assumption that consumerism is a bad thing.  However, no one did so we proceeded with our assumption that most of us probably have more stuff than we need and could get by with a bit less.  We all laughed when somone suggested a new free store tag line, "Stop buying shit.  Shop at the free store."

Ellyn suggested that we could do something as simple as get a library card as a way to check our consumeristic habits.  She said that as a result of doing this a few years back she had saved money and was able to limit her purchases to books that she would go back to multiple times.
Our friend Mark told us about a bartering system in Charlotte about 10 years ago.  He said that he did some home renovation work for a local doctor in exhange for cancer treatments.  He said that this really helped him at the time and that he actually walked away from the deal cancer free and with some money to spare.

Someone else told us about being involved in a project in which a company donated personal hygiene products that were then shipped overseas.  Another friend shared how her dad would take produce from his farm that he was not able to sell and donate it to a local food kitchen.  She told us that it was very satisfying to know that you could give something that could help someone else.

Someone shared about watching a YouTube clip of the actor Peter Coyote talking about a free store art project in LA in the 1960's.  He made the point that enough goods are manufactured in the world that every person could have everything they need to live but money creates scarcity.

We concluded our discussion by talking about the importance of finding creative and relational ways to share the wealth and abundance in our world.

4.01.2011

How We Live is the Ultimate Expression of What We Believe

On Thursday morning our friend George Dunn led us in a great discussion about the importance of living the truth and not just talking about it.  As one of our friends says, "Don't just talk good news, be good news."  George told us about a time in his life when he talked a lot about the bible and theology but didn't practice it.  He told us about how a friend had challenged him at one point to live the truth that he claimed to believe.  Although he didn't like the advice it made an impression on him and helped him to become a more authentic individual.  And from our experience George is a very authentic character.

At this point Shawn asked the question about why so much of the bible depicts a violent God that commands people to be destroyed and punishes those that disobey.  He asked us to pray for him as he was really struggling to understand this.  Someone said that was a great question and there were no simple answers to it.  George said that we just don't know the answer to that question which many of us found resfreshingly honest.  Someone quoted Bono who says, "Jacob wrestled the angel, and the angel was overcome."  We talked about how it could seem easier to just turn back from the struggles involved in honestly facing hard questions.  The tension between faith and reason, between rationality and spirituality tempts us to choose easy answers but it is far more rewarding to live with the tension.  It may be difficult to wrestle the angel but we encouraged our friend to keep struggling as the rewards far outweigh the difficulties.

At this point in our discussion the question came up about terrorists that kill in the name of God.  Someone suggested that every religion has its extremists that will use violence against others if given the chance.  Another friend said that the commandment against killing was based on the reality that human beings are in the image of God and that to kill another person is an attack against the divine reality at the heart of the universe.  We talked about how even in cases where killing can be justified, like warfare and self-defense, it does something to a person when they take the life of another human being.  Someone said that this is why soldiers coming home from the battlefield can have such problems adjusting to civilian life.

We also talked about the significance of creative, non-violent ways to deal with the problems in our world.  Someone mentioned the importance of people like Martin Luther King and Gandhi for their non-violent approach in confronting injustice and bringing about positive change.  Our friend Shawn reminded us that Malcolm X had also brought about positive change even though he chose the violent path.

As our conversation came to an end George reminded us that how we live is ultimately an expression of what we really believe.  We found that message both challenging and encouraging.