Our friend George Dunn joined us Thursday morning for our Free Store conversation. I asked him what had been on his mind recently that he wanted to share with us and he said, "I've had a lot on my mind, but sometimes you have to get the clutter out of the attic." George has a great sense of humor and we have learned to look forward to his clever sayings and rejoinders.
George said that he had been thinking a lot about the Lord's prayer recently and especially about forgiveness. He said that one of the primary meanings of forgiveness was to release someone from debt. Someone said that was called a bailout but only big banks seemed to be getting that kind of help recently which made us laugh. George said that in forgiving others we are both releasing them and simultaneously letting go of the anger, bitterness, and negative emotion that can dominate our lives long after the injury has been done by the other person.
The idea came up that if somone injures another person that they are often required to pay some form of compensation for the damage. But by forgiving someone we release them from paying for the damage they have caused. We talked a bit about how people can do things to us that can make it very hard, if not impossible, for us to forgive. The question was asked about what are some of the things we had experienced that we struggled to forgive.
Our friend Eddie said "my dad came home drunk and said I wasn't his son anymore." Another friend told us that her mom left when she was six years old and never really told her that she loved her. She said, "I just can't forgive her." Another friend said that his dad abused him as a kid. He also said that he remembered his dad saying to his mom, "Why don't you just shut up." Sheila said that her father molested her and beat her mother. She said that when he died she didn't feel bad at all but instead felt relief. She said that she has never forgiven him and didn't know if she could. Another friend said that there were some things in the world that he could not forgive like racism, ignorance, injustice and prejudice. It was sobering to listen to these stories full of so much pain and abuse.
At this point George told us that our thoughts actually create neural pathways in our brains. He compared it to the paths created by cows on the farm going from the field to the barn. He said that these pathways were both emotional and intellectual (not the cow paths!) corresponding to the right and left hemispheres of the brain. In this way negative thoughts and emotions can come to dominate our lives and can actually make it more difficult for us to experience more positive emotions like love, joy, and peace.
As the conversation moved to a close we talked about the healing power of forgiveness. Sheila said that she had been trying to go through Dave's stuff since he had passed away and was really needing time to herself. She was finding it difficult to say no to her friends and yet she felt they were stepping over boundaries by not recognizing her need for alone time. Marney said that it was very important to set boundaries and to learn to say no.
Forgiveness can be very challenging but as we learned it can also liberate us from the negative thoughts and emotions that can dominate us, bind us up, and hold us down. Such freedom sounded very much like good news to us.
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