You Gotta Have Your Space

In our Free Store conversation on Friday we talked about the importance of setting up boundaries in our lives.  It is not good for us to be alone all the time and it isn't good to be with people all the time either.  We need a healthy balance in our lives.  George said that "you gotta have your space" and we all agreed that was very important.  Sheila talked about how her roomate would sometimes intrude on her personal space but that "I would get on his ass like wild rice."  We didn't know exactly what that meant but it was very funny.

We talked about how we deal with it when people overstep the bounds of our personal space.  Mark said that he would sometimes get angry and take it out on others.  But he realized that this was not the best way because people will often shut down and not communicate with you.  He also told us that he couldn't get off dope until he started to deal with his anger.  We talked about how anger is such a powerful emotion that it can prevent us from thinking calmly and rationally.  Mark asked if that meant that when somebody clogged the toilet at the free store instead of getting angry about it he should say, "It makes me feel bad when I have to clean up your crap" which made us laugh.

Sheila said that "you stuff your feelings" but that the tension just builds up.  Mark told us that when he gets really stressed he gets cold sores.  Sheila said that she got pissed off at a friend recently for being honest with her but that after thinking about what he was saying she felt better.  As our friends talked we were realizing that anger and repression are not  the most healthy ways to deal with our negative emotions.  The pressure will often build up until we can actually break down.

Since we recognized that there are negative ways to deal with boundary issues the question came up about what are some positive ways we could deal with people that pushed our buttons and crossed over lines.  George said that you should stay away from the bad people and hang with the good people.

Our friend Mark said that he liked to do things that make him feel like he is helping to do something positive.  He said "I know what my triggers are" and I don't want to get back into the drugs.  Our friend Robert said that you don't have to know what your purpose is because you can make your own purpose. 

Sheila told us that she has been journalling about her anger since losing her husband Dave.  She writes down all the things that she is angry about and then burns it.  She said that when she burns those journal pages it gives her an adrenaline rush and makes her feel better like she is releasing something bad.  Someone said that no matter how bad we feel life moves on and we have to move on with it.

In moving our conversation to a conclusion we talked about the importance of setting boundaries and keeping our lives in balance.  Terrence said that being availabe and offering support and friendship is the biggest thing we do for people.  George told us that people called him slow poke when he was a kid because he didn't learn very fast and that really hurt his feelings.  So we took the opportunity to tell him some of the many things we liked about him, not least of which is that he makes great coffee for us every morning.