Pats on the Back and Kicks in the Pants

In our Free Store discussion on Tuesday morning we explored some of the things that Jesus said about giving. The question was asked about what motivated people to give. Mark said that he thought people often gave in order to show off their wealth. Sheila said that she thought giving should be done from the heart.

We talked about how giving can often be done in order to draw attention to ourselves and to gain the praise of others. Someone suggested that it wasn't a bad thing to want the affirmation of others and that it is very natural to crave and need praise and approval. We laughed when someone said that we needed at least as many pats on the back as kicks in the pants! I made the mistake of jokingly telling the group how I never tire of people telling me how good looking I am for which I was mercilessly teased beyond all reason the rest of the day.

Someone said that if we only do things to get the praise of others that this is a type of behavior referred to as external locus of control. In this way our behavior becomes dependent on external things which is not really a good way to live.  We talked about how it is never good to give our personal power over to others as this opens us up to being manipulated and exploited. We talked a bit about how if someone knows that we thrive on praise that the person might be able to manipulate us by praising us and whispering sweet nothings in our ears. Many heads around the room were shaking in agreement at this point in the discussion. We agreed that it is extremely important to be secure in ourselves and not to become overly dependent on external affirmation.

We thought it was interesting that Jesus basically said that we shouldn't let our left hand know what our right hand is doing when it comes to what we give.  Our new friend Robert thought that meant there is no reason to be preoccupied with our money.  We talked about how there are many things that we are not even conscious of in our daily lives.  Someone said that our eyes don't detect the ultraviolet rays even though they exist.  The same could be said about emotions and thoughts that are buried so deeply within us we are not even aware of them and the power that they exercise over our lives.
At this point the conversation turned toward the idea that giving is in reality something that arises naturally from within us as an expression of our true humanity. As human beings we are meant to give and receive love.  Our friend Terrence said that when we give to others we often find that we receive more than we give. He talked about being at church and giving his last dollar to help someone else and then he received five dollars from another person.

It is great to know that we have the capacity to expand our lives if we are willing to give and receive love as we are meant to do.