So What If I Can't Talk

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we continued talking about the win/win paradigm of human social interaction.  This is one of the principles highlighted by Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  There are actually six paradigms of human interaction: win/win, win/lose, lose/win, loose/loose, win, and win/win or no deal.  At this point Sheila said, "there is always a winner and a loser."  Covey encourages us to think win/win since that results in the highest good for both parties.

We started the conversation by talking about the Emotional Bank Account.  We talked about the importance of making positive deposits into other peoples lives in order to have a strong relational bond.  The question was asked about what we can do to make deposits in the emotional bank that will make people feel good about themselves.  Jack said that it doesn't take anything away from yourself to make another person feel good.  Sheila said that one way to make someone feel good is to take the time to talk to them and get to know them.  She went on to say that even if people are withdrawn that you can still talk to them and get feedback.

Rick told us that when he used to walk into someone's office he would look around at the walls.  He said he would look at the pictures to figure out what the person was interested in and talk about that.  If there were pictures of fish he would talk about fishing which made us laugh.  At this point Jack said that he had an "eclectic memory" because "I pick and choose what I want to remember."

Sheila said that another way we could make someone feel good about themselves was by giving compliments.  She went on to say that they have to be genuine otherwise "they'll know you are bullshitting" which made us laugh.  Jack said that we have trouble loving ourselves because we know our flaws better than anyone else.  He said that it can be a real challenge to recognize our own worth.  At this George said "they put me in a special class when I was a kid coz I'm a slow learner."  He also said, "I was shy cos I can't talk, but so what if I can't talk."  We talked a bit about how self-acceptance involves even embracing our flaws.

As the conversation progressed we talked about how even small things we do can really help another person feel good about themselves.  George said that he used to cook or bake a cake for his wife to make her feel good.  He said it didn't work which made us laugh.  Sheila told us about being homeless and having someone give her a pack of cigarettes and how that really made her feel good.  Jack said that he was recently telling someone about how he never got hugged so not only did she hug him but gave him a big fat kiss on the cheek.  George said that just that morning Jack had given him a hug and said good morning in a way that made him feel better.

As the conversation moved toward a conclusion Jack said, "I can spout off theories, but have difficulty putting them into practice."  We all agreed that it was difficult to put into practice the good things that we think but we also agreed that it was worth the effort and encouraged one another to do our best.