I Didn't Come Here To Hurt You Today

At our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos led us in a discussion of Romans 7:21-8:2.  As we got started Marney said, "This is really about inner conflict."  The passage talks about the struggle between harmful instinct and positive action, between good intentions and destructive practices.  Our new friend Meroe said, "Sometimes I have desires to be obedient to God but then my flesh kicks in.  Maybe God is calling me to pray but I'm comfortable watching TV" which for some reason made us laugh.

As the conversation continued we talked about how this inner struggle compromises everything we do in some ways.  Carlos talked about bringing his wife flowers and said, "It's never really that magic moment that you think it's gonna be.  It's always less than you imagine."  He went on to say, "I love my wife but do I look at other women?"  It was sobering to realize that life is deeply flawed even in its best moments.

At this point Carlos asked if we had ever felt like a slave either to another person or to some internal compulsion.  Marney said, "I felt like a slave to my mom.  My parents  had twins but I had to take care of them all the time."  Someone brought up how addictions can be a form of slavery.  Carlos said that sometimes people just do what they want because they don't want to feel like slaves to anything.  He said that we may just decide to do whatever the hell we want just to experience freedom.  At this Sheila said, "Be free, go.  Just do it" which made us laugh.  At this we talked a bit about how it feels to be enslaved by something.  Carlos asked, "What does it mean to be miserable?"  Sheila said, "to feel like shit" which made us laugh.

As the discussion progressed another friend told us about his struggle between negative instincts and positive actions.  He said, "Instincts often make me want to just tell people to fuck off during the course of the day.  But my mind tells me that it's not right to treat people that way."  This led us to talk about how we can experience freedom from our destructive instincts and impulses.  Carlos said that the power of the Spirit of God can give us freedom.  He said, "If you ever do connect with and love someone else then you can be free from the power of rebellion."  He went on to say that we can be free from the intention to do harm to others but that the instinct will always be there to struggle with.  Carlos said, "I didn't come here to hurt you today.  But that doesn't mean I won't mess up and do something wrong."  At this someone said, "You just want to hug us" which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion our new friend Salina said, "Life is not perfect.  The more you know God the more you become aware of lust and pride in yourself.  It's never gonna go away."  Admittedly that may not be what we want to hear but it sounded like the sober truth to us.