I'm a Big Turd

In our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning (after lamenting that there were no donuts because our friend George Dunn had a scheduling conflict and couldn't be with us!) we continued talking about the importance of beginning with the end in mind.  This is the second habit in Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.

The question was asked, "What is a habit?"  Mark said it's something you don't even realize you are doing.  We talked about how a habit is something that we do regularly and repeatedly.  And it is the habitual and repeated things that we do that add up to the sum of our lives.  So to begin with the end of our lives in mind and think about how we want people to remember us gives us a roadmap to the things we will want to focus on from day to day.

At this point our friend Danielle came in and told us that her friend Antwon Smith had been shot in the head and died on Saturday night.  She told us that he was 29 and his nickname was "Ruckus."  There was speculation that a new gang in Charlotte called New Jack City Boys were responsible.  The shooting took place on Saturday night after the events downtown known locally as Speedstreet.  It was sobering to realize the tragic effects of unresolved conflicts and gang violence in our world.

As the conversation turned back to the habit of beginning with the end in mind we talked about how our habits are rooted in our self-paradigms or the images that we hold of ourselves.  It came up that our self-image can either be based on our weaknesses or rooted in our strengths.  We briefly looked at a story in the Hebrew bible in Numbers 14.  In this story some spies went into a foreign territory and brought back a scouting report.  Basically they said that the people were giants and that they felt like "grasshoppers" in comparison.  Someone said that negative thoughts lead to negative actions and small thinking leads to small living.  This led us to talk about ways that we underestimate ourselves, beat ourselves up, and focus on our weaknesses.

Mark said that he had several friends that still had businesses and when he compared himself to them he felt bad.  He told us that when he saw one of those guys in a Mercedes he thought to himself, "I'm a big turd" which made us laugh.  He said that sometimes when you are down you just feel like saying, "To hell with it all."  George said that when he went to prison in 1982 he felt very small in comparison to all the big muscle bound guys in there.  He also said that people used to call him slow poke which made  him feel bad about himself.  He told us that his brother "the smart one got killed."  He went on to say that he now realized that he was talented in other ways like in his art and his drawins.  Sheila said that sometimes she thought to herself, "I wish I was skinnier."  She also said that when you are feeling bad about yourself it makes you afraid to even go out and do anything.

At this point we turned the conversation toward another story in the bible about a guy named Joseph.  Joseph had a couple of dreams when he was seventeen years old.  We talked about how our dreams can get crushed as we go through life but that they can always be rekindled.  Basically in the symbolism of his dreams Joseph saw his eleven brothers and his father and mother bowing down to him.  Mark said he should have probably kept those dreams to himself which made us laugh.  We talked about how a positive vision of personal worth and value can get us through the tough times and challenging circumstances that we go through.

The question came up about how we can develop a more positive self-image if we tend to see ourselves in a more negative way?  Sheila said it was important to get around people that are positive.  Mark said it was important to remember that God don't make no junk.  He said that as he got to know other homeless guys at the shelter that he was learning that you can't always see what is inside from their appearance.  Sheila told us about someone she knew on the street that was tough and cursed a lot but when she got to know her that the woman was very sweet and kind.  She said that to really get to know people you have to shut up and listen which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion our friend Terrence said that it was important to depend on God's Spirit in order to stay out of the negative cesspool of rap music and drugs.  Mark said that sometimes when he looked at the big picture of being homeless and jobless it was overwhelming.  He said his counselor told him to take nibbles and to just do one little positive thing at a time.  George agreed and said that working on getting his driver's license and his GED were taking time but would be worth the effort.  He also said that God puts angels in our path which sounded like good news to all of us.