In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about the importance of taking responsibility for our own lives. Although we don't control circumstances or the people around us we always control our response to external things. Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People refers to this as being proactive rather than reactive.
We talked about how being reactive is really just living by our instincts. Someone said that when we touch our hand on a hot stove we don't think about what to do we simply jerk our hand away from the source of the pain. Of course such reactions can be very helpful but not always. We talked about how if someone curses at us our instinctual reaction might be to curse back. However, this often just leads to more emotional and possibly even physical violence which is usually not good for anybody involved.
At this point George reminded us about the time that Sheila's landlord came to the Free Store and pushed her buttons until she exploded in anger. Sheila was quick to remind us that she was not feeling very good that day but we laughed about it and teased her anyway. Our friend Terrence said that things do happen that can break us down and that other people do effect us in negative ways. He said that although he had gotten into some trouble at the men's shelter he still knew that God was with him even though other people didn't always recognize it.
George told us that he had gotten beat up in prison by six guys. He said that he had reported them for messing with a friend of his in the shower. At this Sheila said that when she was younger some girls were picking on her girlfriend Myra. She said that she grabbed a shoe and lit into them which made us laugh. Although we admired our friends for looking out for others we talked about how such actions could only be considered proactive if they were thoughtful responses and not just knee jerk reactions.
It became clear to us as we talked that there is a space of personal power and freedom between the things that happen to us and our reponses to those things. This means that we are never entirely powerless or helpless. Sheila said that sometimes you just needed to take a breath and count to three or there would be a bloodbath which made us laugh. It was very encouraging to recognize that we always have the power to chose how we will respond to external things. That ability is at the heart of what it means to be human. I told the group about a guy I used to visit that was so far gone into alcohol and drug addictions that he would piss and crap in his room. It was very tragic to see a human being descend below the level of an animal. And yet what has sunk may rise just as what has risen may sink.
At this point Eddie told us about a scene in the movie "Roadhouse" where the doctor was stitching up the the main character and asked him, "Why are you a bouncer?" The Patrick Swayze character said something to the effect that he was able to solve problems created by those that were looking for trouble. Although we weren't exactly sure how this fit in it did sound very inspiring in a mysterious way.
Eddie went on to say that some people on the top have gone down to the bottom. He told us that at one point when he lived in Texas he was at the top and had a house, car, and wife. However, when his wife died he became angry and didn't want nothin from anybody. But now he was recognizing that he would need help to get back up. He also said that God would never give you more on your plate than you could handle. At this Sheila asked, "How heavy can the plate be?" which made us laugh.
As our conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about how vitally important it is to recognize that we are not helpless or powerless victims of circumstance or animals driven by instinct. One of the things that defines us as human beings is that we always have the power to chose our response to things that happen to us. As I tell my son Jon, "Son, there is not much that separates us humans from the animals which makes it very important to know what those few things are." He always rolls his eyes at this but that doesn't stop me from repeating it.
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