Neo Took the Red Pill

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we started a discussion about the stages of grief. These five stages are based on the experiences of people that have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and how they deal with it. But they also apply any time that we lose something of value to us. The five stages are known as DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

One of our new friends started by telling us that her mom always denied physically abusing her as a child. She also said that her mom could never really admit that she had a drinking problem as well. Curtis said that denial is avoidance and that we tend to avoid things that we find upleasant or too painful to deal with. He also said that denial is a state of confusion in which we aren't able to think clearly.

We talked some about how people will often make excuses for themselves as a way to keep from dealing with the really negative stuff in their lives. Curtis said that blaming others is a way that we excuse ourselves. He got us laughing when he told us that his stepdad had actually blamed him for the death of his grandmother by killing her with his long hair and leather. Of course Curtis happened to be sporting a long Rambo-esque bowie knife so we could see how he might be considered a dangerous man.

At this point we talked about the movie "The Matrix" in which Morpheus offers Neo the choice of either the red pill or the blue pill. By taking the blue pill Neo would wake up with no memory of anything that had happened or by taking the red pill he would see how deep the rabbit hole went and learn the harsh truth about his world. Neo took the red pill and we encouraged one antoher to do the same no matter how difficult.  Our friend Eddie said its always better to be told the truth because it just makes you angry if people lie to you. He said it just don't feel good to be deceived. Lynn said that one lie often leads to another until you can't keep track of them anymore.

Robert said that he was beginning to realize that denial is a hindrance to acceptance. He also said that you can't change reality and that ultimately it hits you in the face. We talked about the importance of accepting the truth about ourselves and our lives no matter how painful. Liz said that if the truth sets you free then by denying the truth you are caging yourself off. At this point Eddie shared a scene from the Vin Diesel movie "XXX" about how a lion raised in a cage doesn't have that same look in its eye as the lion that has been captured.  Although we weren't exactly sure how this fit in it sounded like a very cool scene as he described it.

As we moved our conversation to a close Sheila said that if you stuff it in and stuff it in the problem doesn't go away.  She told us that it is better to find someone that you can trust and talk about things no matter how painful they may be.  Robert asked the question, "Do you think people can be in denial so deeply that it becomes a reality?"  At this many heads around the room were shaking in agreement.  It is very sobering to think that we can deny the truth so completely that we might never really see the reality of our lives.  However, no matter how deep in denial we might be we always have the choice to take the red pill.  This is good news because it means that we are only ever one choice away from being free of our cage.