The Edge

One "Ahh Shit" Negates Ten "Atta Boys"

2011-12-08T16:28:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about the importance of positive feelings of self-esteem even when life gets us down. Sheila said, "Just getting up and moving around is something to feel good about" which for some reason made us laugh. She went on to say, "Of course we're gonna feel bad sometimes, but it's important to wake up in the morning and start doing things."

At this point we explored the idea that self-esteem is a formula that includes both successes and failures as factors in the equation. The more successes and achievements that we have the greater our sense of self-esteem. However, if we feel that we have failed more than we have succeeded then our self-esteem will be lower. The question was asked, "What achievements make you feel good abour yourself?" Sheila said, "I was thinking about Dave a lot last night. I was reading his letters to me. It's time for me to be at peace." Someone said, "I remember when Big Dave was alive and we had to put up with you two smoochin all the time" which made us laugh.

Terrence said, "I feel good about my kids accomplishements in school and life." He said with a big grin on his face, "My girl made straight A's in school." George said that he felt good about being enrolled in Central Piedmont Community College and taking classes toward his GED. For this he was properly applauded. He made us laugh when he said, "I'm movin on up."

As the conversation continued we looked at self-esteem from yet another angle. We talked about how self-esteem is a formula that includes compliments and criticisms as factors in the equation. The more compliments that we receive the better that we will feel about ourselves. However, if we receive excessive criticism our self-esteem can bottom out. Rick said, "One ahh shit negates ten atta boys" which made us laugh. At this Sheila said, "Rick's like my little gopher. He brings me food and drink and it does make me feel good." Rick said loudly, "I ain't gonna let her have a bell" which made us laugh even harder. This led us to talk about how just caring for another person is a way to give a compliment because it communicates that the other person is important and valuable.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion the question was asked, "What is the best thing anybody ever said to you?" Sheila said, "Will you marry me? That was the best thing." At this someone said that to be loved so completely and without reserve by another person can give us an overwhelming sense of meaning, value, and optimism for life. Terrence said, "If you was about to die and an angel saved your life. That would make you feel like your life meant somethin and you were here for a purpose." Sheila said, "Think of others, do for others. That makes me feel good."

Did he pee in your face yet? (by Justin Evans)

2011-11-28T11:40:00.002-05:00

The idea of worship needs to be reclaimed. We all have our own idea of what worship is and none of us is wrong.

We have the idea that worship is what a "worship service" is. So to worship, we have to sit in a seat in a church and sing. Maybe even have a harp around. Paul says thats boring. The other Paul we had said the harp would be cool.

I have had to redefine my idea of worship even more since my son was born on Halloween. Sheila wanted to know if he had peed in my face yet....and he has. A few times. Those are the moments I want to not be a dad anymore, but the fact is, those moments can be just as much of a worship service as a "worship service."

1 Corinthians 10:31 says "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

Every moment we breath can be worship. Donald said, "we don't appreciate God, we think its all about us." Terrence said, "His will is that man's destiny be fulfilled."

We have a God who we do not appreciate but wants our destiny to be fulfilled. We can and will fulfill our destiny when every moment and every breath lives in worship for our God.

So whatever you do. Whether you eat or drink. When you are having a great day or a bad one. When you are getting peed on or when the sun is shining on your face. Do it all for the worship of God.

-Justin Evans

Not Only Was He Wicked He Was Stupid

2011-11-22T16:54:00.000-05:00

At our Saturday morning Free Store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 19:11-28, "A Man Entrusts Property." The story is about three guys that are each given a rather large sum of money by a man that is going on a trip. Two of the men invest the money and make a large profit. The other guy is afraid of losing the money so he hides it. When the master returns he commends the two that invested the money and then takes the money from the guy that didn't invest it and gives it to one of the others.

Paul made us laugh when he said about the guy that hid the money, "Not only was he wicked, he was stupid." At this someone asked the question, "What's going on with the guy that hid the money?" Rick said, "He didn't do what was expected." He went on to say, "If you are an employee then you are expected to produce. If you don't you get fired." Sheila said, "sometimes you want to stay your ass home" which made us laugh.

As the conversation progressed Paul said, "Maybe the guy that hid the money was afraid he would make a bad investment." This led us to talk a bit about how fear can paralyze us and prevent us from doing things that we might really want to do but that we are afraid to try. Marney said, "He was afraid to take a chance." She went on to say that "without taking that chance you don't progress."

At this point someone brought up that failing to work with what we have is probably as bad as squandering what we have. At this the question came up if we had ever squandered a fortune. Someone said, "I never had a fortune to squander but I've wasted my share of stuff" which made us laugh. Paul said, "I was naive to think I earned it so it would be there tomorrow." He went on to say, "If only I knew then what I know now." Rick said, "I guess you could sum it up and say I pissed mine away" which made us laugh. For some reason Sheila seemed particularly pleased at this confession.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion we talked about what we might like to do with what we have as we move forward. Rick said, "If I ever get my vision corrected I'd like to do photography and drawing again." Another friend said, "I'd like to write a book. I haven't done it yet for fear that nobody would read it" which made us laugh." Paul said, "I want to start drawing again. I knocked out two drawings last night at Amelies. Before that I wasn't really in the shape to do anything."

This Story Makes Me Think of Cinderella

2011-11-18T21:24:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 17:7-9, "Who has a Servant Ploughing?" In this story Jesus asks us to imagine a servant that has been out in the field all day. The man comes back to the house in the evening. Is it more likely that at the end of a hard day of work the master will say, "Sit down and let me get you dinner?" or that he will say, "Fix me dinner and then you can get something to eat?"

We started the conversation by talking about the importance of stories. Someone said that parents tell their children stories as a way to teach them about life. Another friend asked if we remembered having our parents read us bedtime stories at the end of the day. Linda said, "I didn't get stories. My parents were too busy workin." George told us that he didn't get stories but remembered his mama saying, "Go to bed boy" which made us laugh.

As the conversation continued we talked about the likelihood that a master would fix dinner at the end of the day for a servant that came in from work. George made us laugh when he said, "Prob'ly not. But if so he got a good heart." Sheila blurted out, "It ain't gonna happen." She thought it was more likely that the master would say, "If there is something left over you get it." She said the servant was probably thinking, "Don't eat it all" which made us laugh.

At this point we talked about the dynamics involved in a master-servant relationship. Sheila said, "It's love-hate." Rick said, "It's ace-deuce" which made us laugh. This led us to talk about how many relationships are unequal in some respect. Whether it's parent/child or boss/employee it seems that there is always someone that has the power and someone that doesn't. Someone said, "I think Jesus is challenging these unequal relationships. I think he is asking us to imagine a world were there are no inferiors and superiors, no higher and lower, where no one has power over another."

As the conversation progressed Sheila said, "It's not hard to be honest. Sometimes it might be." Although we weren't sure how this fit in someone else said, "What would have happened if the servant in the story had been honest and told the master he was tired and didn't want to make dinner?" Terrence smiled and said, "He can't be honest." Rick said that the master would have said, "You can go to bed just do it somewhere else" which made us laugh. Another friend said, "It can be hard to be honest. The reality is that we may not really want to hear the truth." The question was then asked if we had ever had someone tell us something we knew was true but didn't want to hear. Rick said, "One time two guys that worked for me sat on the mike in the work truck. I had to listen to what an SOB I was for twenty minutes" which made us laugh. Sheila said, "My ex-husband Carl and I had a long conversation before we divorced. It was honest but it still hurt."

As the conversation moved to its conclusion the question was asked, "Why wouldn't a master thank a servant?" Sheila said, "He's a butthole" which made us laugh. She went on to say, "He has his own pride. He doesn't want to change." At this Linda jumped in and said, "This story makes me think of Cinderella. It's a fairy tale but it sounds like a nightmare to me" which made us laugh even though we didn't quite know how it fit in. She also said, "I wouldn't like it if they slaved me." Someone said, "Relationships can be very rigid. Parents will often just assume their kids have to do what they are told and won't say thank you to their kids. Maybe if relationships were more equal there would be a better give and take." Another friend said, "I remember mom spankin me but not thankin me" which made us laugh. Sheila said, "My kids used to do stuff for me because I was so tired." George said, "My stepdaughter brought me pancakes and eggs so I thanked her." Terrence said, "I think this was pretty good. It deals with secret issues of the heart. We can keep a good relationship with others. Just be active and speak out."

Life is Complicated but Beautiful

2011-11-17T17:54:00.000-05:00

At our Wednesday morning Free Store conversation Carlos joined us to continue our journey through the book of Romans. Amazingly Carlos actually showed up early for which he was properly teased. In almost two years this is probably the first time that he was there before the scheduled starting time. Someone said, "It's a miracle" which made us laugh. Carlos took the ribbing in good humor and it added to what was a festive mood for the conversation.

The conversation was loosely based on Romans 8:16-28. Our new friend Anita started it off by saying, "There is none of us better than the other. We all have a journey. I'm still battling my tumor but I'm excited and have a sense of hope." Carlos said, "We all have emotions. The important thing is to keep them moving. Pass it on." At this someone said, "Life is better when it's like a river rather than a reservoir. If stuff just flows in and never flows through it gets stagnant."

As the conversation continued Carlos said, "I didn't have a relationship with my father. It was crushed early." He went on to say that our relationships with our parents could effect the way we understand God as a father. We might struggle with what it means to be a child of God and an heir of the kingdom. He said, "Hope teaches us that we're goin through this life for a purpose." Carlos then told us about something a friend had said recently that he kept thinking about, "Life is as close as you're gonna get to hell." He thought that was very encouraging and especially when "going through hard times." He went on to say that without hope, "Life is as close as you're gonna get to heaven" which somehow didn't seem quite as encouraging.

At this point Sheila said, "God is raising us, testing us." We talked a bit about how testing is often painful because we don't see the point of the suffering that we are going through. Our friend Brad said, "The glory can't be revealed if we don't suffer. We have to learn to go against the grain of our desires and learn something about self-sacrifice." At this Donald said, "Sometimes in my life I don't want to read the Bible. My mom used to ask me to go to church and I didn't want to. But God wants me to do it and I like to do what God wants."

As the conversation moved toward its conclusion another friend said, "I think that sometimes we have a false view of life. We expect too much and think that if things don't go the way that we want when we want that there must be something wrong. Maybe we feel like we have ruined things but that's not the case. Life is complicated but beautiful." At this Anita said, "That's therapeutic. I have to remember that when my sister is cussin and giving me stress" which made us laugh. She then said, "I'm a working construction project." Carlos said, "Yes and it's amazing if you look at the difference between an eight year old and an adult how much growth takes place." Anita said, "Since we are a work in progress maybe I should do today what I should have done yesterday. Maybe I should start a new habit."

You Just Might Gain a Friend by Cancelling a Debt

2011-11-16T15:16:00.001-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 7:41-42, "A Creditor Had Two Debtors." The gist of the story is that a man lends money to two other people. One is a relatively small loan but the other is a much larger amount. However, neither man could ultimately pay the loan back. Surprisingly, the creditor cancels the debt. Jesus then asks the question, "Which of the two will love the creditor more?"

We started the conversation by talking a bit about how much money was involved. One guy owed fifty denarii and the other guy owed five hundred. Rick said a denarius was a silver coin but didn't know exactly how much that would be in modern terms. Someone else brought up that a denarius was a day's pay for a day laborer. Another friend said, "We may not know exactly how much money is involved but there is a big difference between fifty and five hundred" which made us laugh. Ultimately we estimated that one of the loans was the equivalent of two months pay and the other the equivalent of two years wages.

At this point we talked a bit about getting in debt and not being able to get out of it. One of our friends said that he had over ten thousand dollars of debt in fines, child support, and back taxes. Another friend said she had to declare bankruptcy because of hundreds of thousands of dollars debt. She said that she got so far in debt because she had good credit and helped her family get loans. Someone else said they owed about twenty thousand dollars in credit cards and car loans. We talked a bit about the stress it places on us to be in debt and how this limits our freedom in many ways. Sheila said that her parents "had a strong will and didn't want to be in debt." Someone else brought up that we might eliminate some debt if we were just willing to delay our desire for immediate gratification and save for the things we really wanted.

As the conversation continued we talked a bit about the guy lending the money. Someone said that in order to make loans he must have had a surplus. This led us to talk about what we do with our money when we have a little extra. Sheila said, "Maybe I want that big old hamburger" which made us laugh. Donald said, "People think it's all about money. You gotta survive. I don't put my trust in money. I put my trust in God. You can't take nothin with you in the world. That car will be sittin here when you go."

At this point someone brought up about how we often think that if we do something for someone else that they are then obligated to do something for us. He said, "We are always calculating how much we owe people and what they owe us." Rick said, "My general manager used to give five thousand dollars to each political party. That way whoever won was in his back pocket" which made us laugh. Marney said, "I'm in a situation like that right now. It's between obligation versus wanting to help someone. I'm wondering why they are helping me out. What do they want in return?" Sheila made us laugh when she blurted out, "You owe me" although we weren't sure who she was talking to. Someone said, "The best relationships are mutual. It's the give and take that ultimately makes it work between people. If it's too one-sided things will break down at some point. It's like an electric current. If the circuit isn't closed the lights will go out."

As the conversation moved to its conclusion we talked about the significance of having a debt cancelled. Someone brought up that the English used to have debtor's prisons for people that couldn't pay their loans. Rick said, "It's called not paying child support now" which made us laugh. Another friend told us about visiting a prison and seeing the picture of a woman that had been locked up there for failing to pay a small loan. Someone else said, "You can get in trouble for writing bad checks" which made us laugh. A new friend said, "We lent a family member $3,500 and only got back $600. Sometimes family will do you the same way as strangers. It puts a strain on the relationship." Someone else said, "Maybe today we have the chance to cancel a debt that is owed to us, whether it's money or something else. Maybe you could take the view that you just might gain a friend by cancelling a debt. That relationship might be more valuable to us in the long run than what we could have gained by demanding payment. At the end of the day your money isn't going to be there to wipe your ass or hold your hand when you are dying." Marney said, "That's gross even though its true" which made us laugh.

Prayer: Motivated by fear, or quiet relationship with God? (by Anna O'Connell)

2011-11-14T23:33:00.002-05:00

This last Saturday morning at the Free Store, we opened our discussion by reading Matthew 6:5-13. Jesus talks to his disciples about how they should pray, pointing out the importance of making prayer a private act versus something one does in order to appear holy or close to God.

As we began talking about this message, someone mentioned that Jesus' referral to hypocrites who "love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corner to be seen" reminded him of a man he saw standing in front of a Chik-fil-A. The man had a speaker system and was preaching to passers-by that they should repent. We all agreed that this kind of tactic is annoying and bothersome, and ultimately repels people instead of inviting them to have a relationship with God.

The conversation continued when someone else pointed out that often times people repent out of fear and miss the idea that turning to God is about a daily relationship with Him. Someone in the group pointed out that God is loving and caring, and not the vengeful figure portrayed by fire and brimstone preachers. Someone else pointed out that sometimes, unfortunately, fear can be a strong motivator. But fear is what keeps us from having a personal relationship with God.

Another friend then pointed out that sometimes fear can actually be more of a healthy respect for authority. We respect that God controls everything, and because Jesus was sacrificed for our sins we no longer have to be afraid of God's wrath. We can experience God's love for us on a daily basis, and one of the ways we can continue to develop our relationship with Him is to pray, quietly and sometimes privately.

You Are More Important Than You Know and More Gifted Than You Can Imagine

2011-11-11T16:06:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us to lead the Free Store conversation on Thursday morning. He started by saying, "If you wanna know what people are like you gotta hang out with them a while, like in the back seat of my car on the drive in this morning." We laughed as we imagined our rotund ogrish friend hunched over the wheel belching out threats at offending drivers.

George started the conversation by saying, "The more I live in America the more ashamed I become. We spend more money on pets than we do helping people in need." He went on to say that he didn't think that "blaming Wall Street" would do much good because the real problem is "greedy human beings" and there is no law that can fix that. George said that something happened to people that God never intended. He referred to the line by Mr. Smith in the movie The Matrix, "You human beings are a disease." He went on to say, "We have enough bombs in the USA to destroy the world one hundred times." At this someone said, "I've always thought it is ironic that the military has guided missiles called 'smart bombs.' It doesn't take much intelligence to solve a problem with violence."

As the conversation proceeded George said, "We are all gifted people. If nothing else we all have the gift of life. It's not about having more but about what you do with the gift you already have." He then told us about his friend John. "John was a poor veterinarian that cared for animals whether the farmers had money to pay him or not. He appeared to be a nobody on the outside. He had problems with the IRS. He almost lost his home to foreclosure. He had marriage problems because his wife thought he was a failure because he never made much money. But over five hundred people attended John's funeral and many shared emotional stories of his influence in their lives. His life mattered even though he wasn't recognized by the world. He flew under the radar." George went on to say, "Jesus didn't own a home. He didn't travel very far from where he grew up. He was betrayed by a friend, tortured and killed as a blasphemer. On the outside his life looked like a failure. And yet his influence can't be measured." We laughed when he said, "I bet if Joel Osteen had come into town even Jesus' disciples would have gone to his seminars."

At this point George said, "Don't ever think you are insignificant. I know a guy in NY who decided to voluntarily live a life of poverty. When I asked him 'Why?' he said, 'Money is not a blessing to me.' George went on to say, "We have to define success for ourselves. No matter how much you have, start with that. You have enough love for everybody that you let in your little circle." We talked a bit about how sometimes we are afraid to take risks and give what we have or try what we want. Someone said, "I once bought a stock for $72 a share. It immediately dropped to $11 and then the company went bankrupt" which made us laugh. Another friend said, "Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to climb Mt. Everest. When asked if he knew in advance if he would be successful he said, 'If you know the outcome in advance why bother?'

As the conversation moved to a conclusion George said, "You are important to God. You are more important than you know and more gifted than you can imagine. The world may never recognize you but God will." At this another friend said, "You was right about that scared thing. I was scared to get a job. But then I started sellin Speak Up magazine. I told my friend 'I'm goin down to the police station to sell these.' She told me that I'd get in trouble. But I went anyway and they were glad I was doin it."

After My Mama's Death Everything Exploded and Fell Apart

2011-11-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos led us in a discussion of Romans 8:16-28. The conversation revolved around the ideas of power and hope. Carlos began by saying, "We really don't have any power of our own. God wills us to live and that is the source of life and of any power we have." We talked a bit about the importance of using the power that we do have in the right way. At this Donald jumped in and said, "I know a lot of homeless people. We sit around and play cards and I read the bible to em."

As the conversation progressed Carlos said, "The most powerful thing I've ever done is to confess, to admit I'm wrong and admit I'm powerless. We're used to people coming at each other and being defensive. Last night I confessed to a friend and it really helped us work through something very difficult." Carlos went on to say, "I think power is a funny word. I think power is neutral. There is the power of electricity that can be used for the electric chair and to power the lights in grandma's house."

At this point in the conversation Carlos said, "Somehow recognizing that we don't have power is a very powerful thing in itself. If you think you have cancer, or if you think you're losing your mind, then just accept it and look to God for help. Admitting we're at the bottom we can get help quicker."

As the conversation moved to a conclusion the question was asked, "What are you hoping for?" Donald said, "That we all trust in God. We all part of God's people. Whites and blacks are all in this together." David said, "Mine is to have a relationship with my five year old son. After my mama's death everything exploded and fell apart. My sister was raped at nine years old by mama's boyfriend but she forgave mama before she died. But then she displaced her anger on me and my brother. So I just hope we can all work things out." Carlos said, "I have a friend that's an alcoholic. I hope my friend quits drinking today." Sheila said, "I hope my pain goes away and stays away."

Maybe the Dinosaurs Won't Be There

2011-11-09T15:50:00.000-05:00

Our friend Gary joined us for the Tuesday morning Free Store conversation and said, "I like to think about heaven when it seems more like the other here." He said that he wanted to look at a few texts in the bible that talk about heaven and started with 1 Corinthians 2:9-10. Gary said that although some things are beyond our imagination and understanding that we can at least know some things about the future life. Jack said, "It's not concrete but it's a concept." Gary said, "It's hard to put into words."

Gary started off by saying that the bible talks about three heavens. He told us that in Genesis 1:20 heaven refers to the sky, the environment of birds, butterflies, and clouds. Gary said that Psalm 19:1-6 expands the idea of heaven to include the universe, the environment of the sun, moon, and planets. He then said that 2 Corinthians 12:2-4 refers to heaven as paradise, a place of "inexplicable things" which is the common meaning of heaven for most people that believe in it. At this point Marney said with a quizzical expression, "I'm kind of confused now because I've never heard about three heavens" which made us laugh.

After assuring Marney that he didn't mean to confuse anyone Gary pointed us to Revelation 21:1-5 which he referred to as that "cool, scary book that talks about stuff coming at the end of time." He pointed out that God will ultimately make a new heaven and a new earth. At this Jack said, "Now let me ask a question. Is this not a fourth heaven?" Someone else said, "We're pretty deep into speculation at this point" which made us laugh.

As the conversation progressed the question came up about animals going to heaven. Rick made us laugh when he said, "All dogs go to heaven." Gary thought that based on some texts in the bible that animals would be in heaven but maybe not the exact ones we know here on earth. Jack said, "Maybe the dinosaurs won't be there" which made us laugh. He also brought up that there is a text in the bible that talks about wolves lying next to lambs but that the scene is often painted as lions and lambs. Gary said, "Artists tend to use their imaginations."

At this point Gary brought up the text in Matthew 22:29-30 that says that people will be like the angels and will not marry in heaven. Marney seemed disappointed and said, "That's complicated." This led to a bit of a discussion about sex in heaven. Somoene said, "If there was no sex then it couldn't be heaven" which made us laugh. Our friend Liz thought that maybe our desires would be so completely fufilled that we wouldn't need the things that complete our lives here on earth.

As the conversation proceeded Gary brought up the text in Phillipians 2:3 that talks about glorious new bodies. He said, "Our bodies will be similar and yet different, composed of new atoms." At this Jack said, "Why wouldn't God use the same atoms?" Gary said, "Because I don't want him to" which made us laugh. Marney said, "I sort of imagine myself flitting around like a fairy dancing to the music of the flute." Another friend said, "It would have to be an electric guitar for me." Rick said, "Maybe a little AC/DC" which made us laugh. Someone said, "Maybe heaven is unique for each individual."

As the conversation moved toward a conclusion somehow we got into a bit of a discussion about colors and weather in heaven. Jack thought that we would all have olive colored skin and that there would be no variation in temperatures in heaven. Someone else said, "That heaven sounds a bit bland and boring. I like some diversity. Maybe we have the genetic potential for all shades of colors to develop over time." Although the conversation raised more questions than it answered we all nodded in agreement when Gary said, "It's gonna be better than we can imagine."

She Looked Like a Little Garden Gnome

2011-11-08T15:30:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning George Dunn led us in a discussion of Acts 1:14-20. George said that we were going to start at Acts 1:14 and go from there. He said, "Like golfing with me we will take the first shot and go from there even if the second shot is fifty yards farther to the pin" which made us laugh.

George started the conversation by telling us that this passage outlines how the early church chose a replacement for Judas. He said that basically they found a text in the Psalms that they interpreted to mean that Judas should be replaced. Then they selected two men (women being ruled out of leadership from the start) based on the criteria that the person had to be a witness to the resurrection. At this the group prayed and then cast lots to see which man would be selected. George said this was much like a church that he used to attend that would vote on a pastoral candidate after narrowing the choice down to a few men (women still being excluded from leadership). He said this was simply a reflection of the democratic processes of the larger culture. He went on to say, "The people I hang out with think Jesus is a republican" which made us laugh.

At this point someone said that casting lots seemed like a strange way to make a major decision. George said, "When I was younger we didn't cast lots we rolled the die baby" which made us laugh. He also said that we often pray and leave major decisions to chance because that way we can say, "It's not my fault. It's God's fault."

As the conversation proceeded George said that although the early church chose Matthias as a replacement for Judas that there is another figure in the book of Acts that played a much more prominent and important role. He said, "I don't see Matthias having done anything significant." George went on to say that Saul of Tarsus, aka the Apostle Paul, was the real replacement for Judas but that his authority didn't come from the church but from a higher power because God chose him. He said that Paul was a zealous opponent and a religious terrorist of sorts but that didn't seem to be a problem for God even though had it gone to a vote the church would definitely have passed him up. At this David said, "That's like with Jesus they were looking for a worldly king and not a spiritual leader."

As the conversation moved to its conclusion George said that true authority comes from God through humble service. He said, "There was probably never an uglier lady than Mother Teresa. She looked like a little garden gnome. Yet because of her service she spoke with authority and even world leaders respected her." At this someone told us about a friend that says, "I just like to bake bread. I take it to shut ins and to my neighbors." George said, "Don't let anyone press you into a mold or decide how you should serve." Another friend said, "You can have an exernal or an internal locus of control. If you don't live your own life you will be living someone elses life and doing the will of another." At this Donald said, " I go to church every Sunday. I listen to the pastor. I tell people don't come just to eat but to hear the word of God."

So Can We Haunt Some People?

2011-11-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

At our Wednesday morning free store conversation Carlos led us in a discussion of Romans 8:1-17. David was enthused about this and said, "This talks about the flesh and the spirit." Carlos said that the passage is basically telling us how to become free from the power of sin. He said that sin is a combination of bad motivation and bad behavior that leads to separation between people. Carlos went on to say that "telling your kids don't just don't work" which made us laugh. He said that what the law could not do because of our rebellion and weakness that God did for us.

Carlos talked about how God can liberate us from the power of rebellion not by exercising power over us but rather by showing love for us. He said it would be like if everyone was mad at a king because he keeps all the good stuff for himself but then the king shares it all and ends the rebellion. Carlos said that ultimately we have the hope of a new life because "you will be raised from the dead." At this Sheila said, "So can we haunt some people?" which made us laugh. When Carlos asked her what she meant by that she said, "Did you really love me or did you just say that?" Sheila then said, "So in other words when we go to heaven God will protect us so that hell won't drag us down." Carlos said that it is great to know that God will protect us and then quoted Mother Teresa, "When you go to do something good people will come against you. Just do it anyway."

As the conversation continued Carlos said that Romans 8 encourages us to call God our "father" or "daddy." Someone said that his image of God growing up was more that of a powerful king rather than a loving father. He said that for much of his life he lived in fear of God. Carlos said, "A lot of us don't have good relationships with our fathers which makes it difficult to relate to God as well." At this Terrence said, "I think about my father. Right before he died I was thinkin about forgivin him. A lot of things in life are not your fault."

As the conversation moved to its conclusion our new friend Janey said, "God is able. It's important to know that on a personal level. Sometimes I think about what I don't have and I complain. But I know from personal experience that God can take care of me." She then told us this story, "Sometimes people representing God have two faces, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A person may be highly esteemed and yet act like a beast at home. I knew a prominent surgeon that used to abuse his wife. The first thing he would do when coming home from work was to hit her. She put up with it for years because of the economics. She waited until the day her son graduated from college then she blew his cover. As a result of the media attention she raised enough money to build three shelters for battered women. Good can come out of bad things."

Why Don't You Get a Job Bouncin at the Strip Club?

2011-11-02T14:16:00.000-05:00

At our free store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 12:35-38, "A Man Going To a Party." In this story the master goes to a wedding party and leaves the servants to look after things. He returns to find the lights on, the servants awake, and the door opened for him. The master is so pleased that he surprises everyone by reversing roles and serving up a feast for his reclining servants.

We started the discussion by talking about how in this story the servants simply did their job and fulfilled their role. Rick made us laugh when he said, "What if you don't know what your job description is?" This led us to talk a bit about how our purpose in life is far greater than any paying job we might have. We also talked about how difficult it can be to discover the meaning of your personal existence. The question was asked, "What are some of the things that get in the way of knowing and fulfilling our unique role in the world?" David said "the flesh" and "people." He told us about sleeping in a homeless shelter thinking to himself, "Ain't you tired of wonderin where your next meal is gonna come from? Why don't you get a job bouncin at the strip club?" David said that he didn't do it because he didn't want God to take his blessing away. He said it made him think of the William McDowell song, "I Won't Go Back."

As the conversation progressed we talked about how people can also distract us from focusing on what is important for us. Our new friend said, "people might want to take your focus off doing what you should." Someone said, "We can get sidetracked by good things. The good can be the enemy of the great." At this someone said, "In Jesus' story the servants did what they were meant to do even though the master was gone, even though the external authority was absent." We talked about how kids will often get in trouble when the parents leave the house. Someone said, "When my mom left me alone I was scared. She would put something out just to catch me" which made us laugh even though we didn't know exactly what that meant. Marney said, "Some people think they can be clubbin on Saturday night and goin to church Sunday mornin." Another new friend said, "People think they can do wrong and then repent for it later." Sheila said, "You gotta learn the hard way. You gotta make some mistakes."

As the conversation moved to its conclusion the question was asked, "Is there something to learn from the reversal in the story, from the master serving the servants?" We talked a bit about how Jesus' stories often turned things upside down which makes us think about things in a new way. Our new friend said, "It's something similar to the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Let's put it back in slavery days when the slaves ended up getting the land from the slave owners. It was a blessing." Someone said, "Man makes slaves. God created us all to be free and to have power and use it responsibly to look after others and to care for the earth." At this Rick said, "We're not doing such a good job of that" which made us laugh. Donald loudly jumped in at this point and said while grinning broadly, "Matt took a picture of me this morning" which made us smile as well.

Were We Created Not to Have a Hierarchy at All?

2011-11-01T14:49:00.000-05:00

At our Saturday morning Free Store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 12:42-48, "The Faithful and Wise Servant." In this story the master puts one of his slaves in charge of his household and goes off on a journey. As the days pass and the master doesn't return the servant starts to abuse his power, mistreat the other servants, and take the lion's share of the daily provisions for himself. Things end rather poorly for the guy when the master returns and has the slave sawn in two (a rather fitting image for the Halloween season).

We started the conversation by talking about how Jesus told stories to change our perspective on things. His stories tend to turn the world upside down (or maybe right side up). Someone told us about the minister, artist, and cowboy standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon. The minister looked out and said, "What a glorious display of the handiwork of God." The artist remarked, "What a beautiful scene for the canvas." The cowboy just shook his head and muttered, "What a terrible place to lose a cow." The story made us laugh as we realized that though we might be looking at the same thing we can see it in different ways.

As the conversation progressed we talked about hierarchical relationships like that between master and slave. The question was asked if there are parallels in our society? Someone said that parent-child, employer-employee, and even husband-wife can be imbalanced. Jack said that in some cultures women are considered as property. He went on to say that even in our society, "Men have resisted the women's lib movement and often react in a negative fashion." Another friend said that in unequal relationships there is an above/below, dominant/submissive, superior/inferior dynamic at work. We talked a bit about how Jesus opposed abusive power relationships and we even wondered if he didn't oppose all forms of hierarchical relations between people. Jack said, "Human nature doesn't change that radically. These stories still have relevance and punch after thousands of years."

At this point in the discussion we looked at the abusive way that the servant acted in the absence of the master. Rick said, "When the cat is away the mice will play" which made us laugh. Somone said, "You can change the party that is in power but that doesn't really change things. Power corrupts people." Jack told us about friends of his that attend government dinner parties. He said that the homeland security people sit at one table and the Obama people at another. The homeland security people said, "We don't buddy up with either party in power." Another friend asked, "Is the story making the simple point that we shouldn't abuse the power that we have been given?" Robert said it reminded him of the line in Spider Man, "With great power comes great responsibility."

As the conversation moved toward its conclusion we talked a bit about the importance of acting responsibly even when there is no external power to compel us. At this Rick said, "The law is a guideline rather than a rule." Robert said, "Going back to the creation story were we created not to have a hierarchy at all?" Jack said, "God established the rule of love. There is a dictatorship of God." At this someone said, "Thanks for that idea Jack but I don't buy it" which made us laugh. He went on to say, "I agree with you about the rule of love, but I resist the idea that God is a dictator."

Throw Out the Religious Map and Forge a New Spiritual Path

2011-10-29T15:18:00.000-05:00

At our Friday morning Free Store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 10, "From Jerusalem to Jericho." The story is about a man that is robbed, stripped, beaten, and left for dead on a lonely seventeen mile stretch of road between ancient Jerusalem and Jericho. As the guy lay dying two good guys (a priest and levite) pass that way but quickly scurry past without lifting a finger to help. Fortunately for the victim a bad guy (Samaritan) comes along and has pity on him and helps him out.

We started the conversation by talking about how we all have these religious maps in our heads that mark out the boundaries between good and bad people, moral and immoral, insiders and outsiders. These maps lead us to look down on and exclude those people that live outside of our holy tribal territory. In Jesus' society the priest and levite were the heroes and the Samaritan was the bad guy. Ironically it was the villain that turned out to be the one that had compassion for the victim. We talked about how this parable challenges us to throw out the maps and to chart a new path into unfamiliar territory.

As the conversation progressed our friend David said, "When I came back to Charlotte and my church found out I was homeless this lady said 'me and my husband want to put you up in a hotel for a week so you don't have to sleep on the street." He said, "Tears shot out my eyes." At this George said, "Since I been at the free store I've seen a lot of people judgin the homeless." He also said, "I got cussed out yesterday" (just to clarify it was not by someone judging the homeless) which made us laugh.

At this point we talked a bit about how we tend to label people and then exclude them. Someone made us laugh when he said, "You either need good neighbors or good fences." David said, "My whole life I was called an n-lover cause I have always had black friends." Marney said, "It's no fun to be excluded. I was excluded in high school." David said, "My dad was an alcoholic. I got excluded from playing football in high school. The coach wouldn't even let me get on the scouting team. So I quit since I knew that even if I gave one hundred and ten percent I'd never get on the field." These stories made us feel sad for our friends. Marney then said, "I have friends that don't understand why I'm always runnin to the free store. They think I should be working harder instead of hanging out with homeless people. But I like my friends here and I don't like to be judged like that."

As the conversation came to a conclusion we talked about why people draw boundaries, label people, and cling to their stereotypes. Marney made us laugh when she said, "Some people think their crap don't stink." Someone said that the real problem is when we start to internalize the negative judgments of others and then beat ourselves up. David said, "Sometimes I'm afraid I'll never find Mrs. Right. I think that with my criminal record no one would want me." We encouraged David to keep his head up and that good things would come his way. Someone said, "We are all richer when we open our lives up to others." It's like that scene in Lord of the Rings where Frodo and Sam are leaving the shire. Frodo stops and says, "If I take one more step I'll be father away from home than I've ever been before." But by taking that step he discovered a bigger home in a bigger world and embarked on a greater adventure. God's kingdom calls us to throw out the religious map and forge a new spiritual path into the world.

I Carry All That Stuff To This Day

2011-10-28T15:27:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning our friend George Dunn led us in a discussion of Matthew 7:7-12. The passage is about the instinctive desire of parents to give good things to their children. George started by saying, "I was a spoiled little boy for a while." He then said, "I learned to be a materialistic pig at Christmas" but one year "I asked for a train set and got a lump of coal instead." On a happier note he told us about a time that he received a "Botany 500 3G mohair suit" as a graduation present even though his family was poor. Another friend told the story of when his little sister was born. He asked his mom, "Where did she come from?" Mom said, "Jesus gave her to us." His response was, "Give her back to Jesus coz we don't want her" which made us laugh.

At this point we talked a bit about how Jesus said that if parents know how to give good things to their kids then surely God knows how to give people what they need. George said, "If I had the means I'd pretty much do anything for my son Jeremy." He said, "I wouldn't wrap up a Copperhead and give it to him." We laughed when someone said, "That would be like if Donald asked for a donut and we gave him a raisin instead." Donald didn't seem very pleased at this suggestion and said loudly, "I be havin blessings. I help in the church kitchen. I want to do it because God told me to do it."

As the conversation proceeded George said, "Sometimes we pray to be extricated from things and yet we don't get delivered." He made us laugh when he said that we should just get used to it because "the NT according to George" says "shit happens." George then quoted the philosopher Epictetus who said, "It is not the things that happen to men but how they view them that matters." He said, "There was a time when I had no desire to live anymore. Everything had gone wrong in my life. But God helped me through it and I learned from the experience." Someone said that God doesn't always intervene for us because ultimately we need to learn that we are responsible for our own lives. Marney said, "I needed to hear that. I gotta trust God and let my son Marco deal with his own problems."

As we moved on in the conversation Rick said, "I had expectations put on me that were very high. If I didn't take my school clothes off when I got home that was a mistake. I became cynical and very unforgiving. I carry all that stuff to this day." Marney said, "It's very difficult when you have parents with high expectations." At this George told us about the Robert Redford character in the movie "The Horse Whisperer." Although he was bull whipped as a boy he grew up to be a very patient and loving man that had the ability to tame the wildest horses. It was encouraging to realize that we can overcome traumatic experiences in our lives and move forward in positive ways even with the scars.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion George said, "We ask God for stuff but we need to ask for the Spirit." At this another friend said, "You can't buy the most important things in life--love, happiness, and life itself. Look at Steve Jobs who died at 57 years old and with all his money couldn't buy another minute." In the end we are all equally poor without the gift of life and equally rich with it.

I Didn't Come Here To Hurt You Today

2011-10-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos led us in a discussion of Romans 7:21-8:2. As we got started Marney said, "This is really about inner conflict." The passage talks about the struggle between harmful instinct and positive action, between good intentions and destructive practices. Our new friend Meroe said, "Sometimes I have desires to be obedient to God but then my flesh kicks in. Maybe God is calling me to pray but I'm comfortable watching TV" which for some reason made us laugh.

As the conversation continued we talked about how this inner struggle compromises everything we do in some ways. Carlos talked about bringing his wife flowers and said, "It's never really that magic moment that you think it's gonna be. It's always less than you imagine." He went on to say, "I love my wife but do I look at other women?" It was sobering to realize that life is deeply flawed even in its best moments.

At this point Carlos asked if we had ever felt like a slave either to another person or to some internal compulsion. Marney said, "I felt like a slave to my mom. My parents had twins but I had to take care of them all the time." Someone brought up how addictions can be a form of slavery. Carlos said that sometimes people just do what they want because they don't want to feel like slaves to anything. He said that we may just decide to do whatever the hell we want just to experience freedom. At this Sheila said, "Be free, go. Just do it" which made us laugh. At this we talked a bit about how it feels to be enslaved by something. Carlos asked, "What does it mean to be miserable?" Sheila said, "to feel like shit" which made us laugh.

As the discussion progressed another friend told us about his struggle between negative instincts and positive actions. He said, "Instincts often make me want to just tell people to fuck off during the course of the day. But my mind tells me that it's not right to treat people that way." This led us to talk about how we can experience freedom from our destructive instincts and impulses. Carlos said that the power of the Spirit of God can give us freedom. He said, "If you ever do connect with and love someone else then you can be free from the power of rebellion." He went on to say that we can be free from the intention to do harm to others but that the instinct will always be there to struggle with. Carlos said, "I didn't come here to hurt you today. But that doesn't mean I won't mess up and do something wrong." At this someone said, "You just want to hug us" which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion our new friend Salina said, "Life is not perfect. The more you know God the more you become aware of lust and pride in yourself. It's never gonna go away." Admittedly that may not be what we want to hear but it sounded like the sober truth to us.

If You Try Sometimes You Just Might Find You Get What You Need

2011-10-26T14:15:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we discussed Jesus' parable in Luke 18.2-5, "In a City There was a Judge." The story says that there was a judge that had no respect for either God or man. In that same town was a widow that brought a case against an adversary. The judge initially denied the woman's petitition but she was so damn (yes it's in the original Greek!) persistent that the guy finally ruled in her favor just so that she would stop pestering him.

Sheila started out by saying "she wore him out like some of our friends can wear you out" which made us laugh. We talked a bit about how kids learn very quickly that they can often get what they want just by pestering the parents for it. Marney said, "We just give em what they want to shut em up" which made us laugh.

As the conversation continued we focused on the character of the judge in the story. We talked a bit about what a judge is supposed to do. Somone said that above all a judge should be fair in determining guilt and in passing sentence. George said that the judge "keeps em in line" which made us laugh. However, the story says that this judge didn't give a rip about God or people. George said "he's a devil" which made us laugh. Rick said, "he's totally anal." Marney said, "he thought he was a god." George told us that this reminded him of "the hangin judge in Lumberton" that everyone feared. When asked if he ever had to appear before a judge like that he said, "I been in front of some of them" which made us laugh. George also told us, "Freedom is better than anything, even money."

At this point we talked about how the woman in the story could have easily given up her quest for justice but that she was persistent and refused to quit. Rick made us laugh when he said, "Sometimes persistence will get you hurt." When asked if there was a story behind this he said, "No, it's just a general observation." At this someone said, "It can be risky to be too pushy or persistent. Like if a kid presses the parents too hard and ends up getting in trouble rather than getting what they wanted" which made us laugh. Another friend said that the woman could have ended up behind bars or worse given the character of the judge. Marney told us about her experience moving recently and dealing with her landlord. She said, "I wore him out" which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion Sheila said, "When Dave died I felt sorry for myself. I sort of gave up. I needed my friends and bible study." At this we talked about the power of persistence and the importance of not giving up in the face of adversity. Somone said that this parable was similar to those "underdog movies" like Rocky and Million Dollar Baby that can be so inspiring. As Mick Jagger sings, "You can't always get what you want (no). But if you try sometimes you just might find. You get what you need."

The Dreaded Bus

2011-10-25T14:15:00.000-05:00

The day finally came: we finished up the book of Ecclesiastes. Every session I've (Liz) lead for the past, um, decade- ok, fine, maybe not that long- has been portions of this book. We had gotten to about Chapter 5, and had found the theme of "meaninglessness" to feel, well, meaningless. Some of our friends come through the store looking for hope and peace and a light at the end of the tunnel. The book of Ecclesiastes does offer this, which is why I felt it so relatable- good, bad, hopelessness and hope- but it takes so long to find it. So we skipped over half of it and hopped right to the ending. Might just be my impatience shining through, but it seemed appropriate.

We looked at the passage starting in Chapter 11, ending with the final thoughts in 12, and looked at both the NIV and the Message. We began discussing what some things were that seemed meaningless from day to day. We talked about money, aggravations, jobs, and the city bus. It's funny how God teaches us things through overtly mundane daily interactions.

We told a story of Adrian, the son of James who owns the Not Just Coffee Shop next door (soon to move, by the way). Adrian had a wonderful sitter who decided a great "urban adventure" would be to take the city bus to the light rail! Oh the joy! Well, to a 4 year old, at least. Adrian hopped the bus, beaming from ear-to-ear, never having experienced anything so glorious in his life! His sitter Kaki noted, however, that everyone else had on this "shoot me now" face.

We wondered when this happens. We have all these excellent blessings in our live- a bus system, legs to walk, cars to drive, food to eat, the list goes on- but we often feel alone, hopeless, meaningless. One of our friends shared a story of waking up every morning, calling a temp service, finding there is not a job for the day and choosing to live each day for "my good and His glory" and determined that "while I'm not working, I can tell others about Jesus". What an attitude! Others shared more stories about jobs, bus rides, bosses, lost love ones and other things that plague our "meaningless" existence.

But it so meaningless? The Message Bible translates meaningless to "smoke". A fire is started, keeping us warm and lighting the area around it, begins to burn, turns into smoke which floats into the air and ultimately disappear. Our lesson from this book is that everything in life does, in fact, have purpose. It starts as a spark, leads to fire, and soon dies down into smoke. We walked away today, determined to not make life more complicated than it already is and to live in the moment, as Jesus teaches us in the book of Matthew. Our days are few and we have to choose TODAY to accept life as it truly is- a gift from God- and to enjoy it, even if that means smiling on a city bus.

I've Got a Dead Feeling in the Back of My Head

2011-10-22T15:33:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 14.16-24 "A Man Gave a Banquet." The gist of the story is that a man throws a big party and invites all his well to do neighbors. They all accept the invitation initially but when the day of the feast arrives they all give excuses about why they can't attend. The guy is so offended and angry that he sends his servant out to find anybody on the streets and ends up feasting with the outcasts of society.

We started the conversation by talking about the expense and effort involved in throwing a big party for a lot of people. Our new friend Terry said it was worth it because it was great to "get together" and "fellowship" with other people. She said she had never thrown a really big party but that she had attended a few.  Someone said that parties are social events that give us the opportunity to connect with people as friends and just for fun.

As the conversation continued we talked a bit about the excuses given by the guests that didn't attend the feast.  We laughed when someone said, "One of the excuses was that the guy wanted to go look at his field rather than attend the party. Really?" George said, "Sounds a bit like the excuses people give for not goin to church." He also said that the college kids he attends CPCC with often use the excuse of "traffic" when they are late for class. Rick said that the best excuse he ever heard was an employee who called in sick and told him, "I've got a dead feeling in the back of my head" which made us laugh.

Our friend David told us, "Me and my mom spent $400 in 2006 on a party for my fiance, who was carryin my baby, and her friends. Her friends were more respectful than she was. When the party was over she left with her friends and told me 'I have to go with my friends.' It was really disrespectful. What made it worse is my mom said, 'I told you so'" which made us laugh. We talked about how people disrespect each other all the time. Someone said that when you invite someone to a party and they don't come "that means they don't like you."  Rick said he thought the man in the story must have felt "alienated." George said, "It hurts when you help people and then they don't like you." We also talked a bit about how when we are hurt and humiliated and disrespected that we can get angry. Anger is a powerful feeling that actually keeps us from dealing with the underlying hurt that we feel when rejected by others.

At this point we talked a bit about the things that get in the way of the important things in life like relationships with family and friends and the cultivation of a deeper spiritual and soulful life. David said that his mom passed away two years ago and that he wished he had that time over because he would have even spent more time with her. He also said that he wanted to attend church events last week but he was called in to work. David said the "spiritual man" in him wanted to say "Keep your money" but "What could I do?" Someone said that "it can be hard to find balance in our lives but it is possible."

As the conversation moved to its conclusion we talked about how although the man in the story was slighted and rejected by his neighbors that he opened himself up to others in a surprising way. We laughed when someone said, "If you open yourself up to others and don't exclude people you might find new friends in unlikely places even under the Caldwell Street Bridge" which made us laugh. Donald said, "This story reminded me of that cookout we had at the free store when everybody came. And George grilled the hot dogs."

Do Unto Others Then Run Like Hell

2011-10-21T15:44:00.000-05:00

At our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning George Dunn led us in a discussion of Matthew 20.17-28. He started by telling us this passage reminded him of a sign on a former boss's office door, "The scourgings will continue until morale improves" which made us laugh. George said that this was a very common form of leadership in the world. He also said that Jesus totally repudiated this type of strong-arm, top-down leadership and that in fact Jesus rejected leadership altogether and instead promoted the value of service.

George went on to tell us that the kingdom of God is a counterculture. He said this is different than a subculture which is separate but subservient to the larger culture. Counterculture is that which runs against and is deeply opposed to culture at some level. George said that one of the ways that Jesus was countercultural was the way he elevated the status of women. Jesus placed a high value on women which ran counter to the male dominant perspective of his time. George said that because of such countercultural views and actions that Jesus was a threat to the dominant order. He said that because Jesus "went to the wrong school of theology they got rid of him as a heretic" which for some strange reason made us laugh.

As the conversation continued George said that one of the reasons people want top-down leadership is because "we want to escape personal responsiblity for our lives." At this another friend said, "It's good to have someone to blame" which made us laugh. George then asked the question, "Have you heard of Nuremburg?" which sobered us.

The conversation took a bit of a turn when one of our friends said, "We define ourselves by what we have. If we have a lot we think we are worth a lot and if we have little we think we are worth little. It's a trap for both rich and poor." Our new friend Joan said, "We think money will make us significant people so we accumulate as much as we can. However worth is not based on what we have but on who we are." She also said that Jesus was "trying to teach people to be humble." At this George told us about a cars salesman he knew that would tell lies to sell cars and refused to pay his employees fairly and yet the guy made a big deal about being a Christian. He said that he wasn't any better because for much of his life he would "Do unto others then run like hell" which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion George said that he had a picture he wanted to show us. He said, "One picture is worth more than one thousand George words" which made us laugh. He told us that the first time he saw it he knew he wanted to have a copy framed and given to the free store. In the picture a handful of world leaders are sitting in chairs in front of Jesus. Osama bin Laden is sitting between George W. Bush and Kofi Annan. Jesus is in a kneeling posture with wash basin and towel in hand in the process of washing the feet of the world's power brokers. George said that ultimately "there are no leaders. There are only great servants." At this Donald said, "My pastor washed my feet one day in church. I didn't believe in all that stuff. Now I trust in God."

How Often Does the "Don't System" Push People to "Do"?

2011-10-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

Carlos joined us (late as usual and was teased as usual) for our Wednesday morning free store conversation. We started the discussion with a question raised by our online friend Greg that read last Wednesday's blog and asked the following question, "In your group what was the consensus on how often the "don't" system actually pushes people to "do"?" While studying Romans 7:1-18 in the New Testament we have been looking at the idea that to prohibit something often increases the desire to do that which is prohibited. Marney said that personality had a lot to do with it. She talked about her three kids (Rico, Marco, and Salina) and how they were all different in the way they responded to her parental authority from Rico's direct rebellion to Salina's more subtle expression of independence.

Carlos suggested that everybody is just trying to "find your own voice." He said, "If everybody around you is saying 'Yes' then you will probably say 'No.' But if everybody is saying 'No' then you will probably say 'Yes'." Another of our friends said, "The law activates a universal innate rebellion against external authority." We talked a bit about how pushing the rules too hard can often lead to even more resistance. Someone told the group that his teenage daughter will often say "No" when asked to do something but that given time she will normally do it. He felt it is counterproductive to push too hard because that just stimulates her desire to resist and then it becomes a major struggle. We laughed when he told us that his son was just the opposite and would say "Yes" but generally not follow through and had to be prodded. So it's complicated.

As the conversation continued we talked about how the law/don't system is generally good because it prohibits things that are harmful to ourselves or others. Someone pointed out that although law is frequently negative that it can be positive as well in that it contains commands such as "Honor your parents" and "Love your neighbor." At this Rick said, "The law is only a guideline. It's good advice but you don't have to follow it" which made us laugh. This led us to talk a bit about how law exists, at least ideally, to protect and enhance life. Carlos brought up that there are many ways "we can make life flourish without waiting for money." We talked about how by resisting the law people begin to live by life-destroying rules such as "Dishonor others" and "Harm your neighbor." Someone mentioned a tragic example of this in a case in Philadelphia where four mentally handicapped persons were caged and chained in an apartment basement. Apparently their captors were trying to use their identities to get their social security disability benefits.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion Marney said "Look at how we are treating the earth. The earth is rebelling and the ozone layer is breaking down. There are consequences for our actions." Carlos said that research has shown that pollution from automobiles has been proven to cause cancer and yet we keep driving our cars. Someone said, "If 100 people are peeing in the pool then what difference does it make if I don't?" which made us laugh. This led us to some good natured talk about what it means to act with integrity as an individual even when we think our actions might not make much of an impact on society. Someone else said that although individual action is important that we are all part of bigger systems which is why we need social change as much as individual transformation.

I Shed a Tear as I Pondered Poor Bruton Smith's Misfortune

2011-10-19T15:00:00.000-05:00

At our Tuesday morning Free Store conversation our friend Gary joined us and told us he was going to give us three mini-seminars. He promised they would be short and we promised to listen if they were. Gary told us that seminars are designed to give us information that we can put into practical use in our lives.

The first seminar was titled, "How To Lose a Fortune." Gary said there were three ways to do this. 1.) Neglect it in some way. He said that if you leave it laying around it just might disappear. Someone said that sounded like the free store which made us laugh. 2.) Throw it away or waste it in some way. 3.) Use it unwisely in some way. Maybe by investing it in the wrong place. Gary also said this might include buying stuff that you don't need. Someone told us that he read an article in the Charlotte Observer a few years ago about how Bruton Smith, the owner of Charlotte Motor Speedway, had lost a huge amount of money in a single day when the stock market dropped. While running his finger from his eye down his cheek he said, "I shed a tear as I pondered poor Bruton Smith's misfortune" which made us laugh.

The second seminar was titled, "How To Lose Your Best Friend." Again Gary said that there were three ways to do this. 1.) Ignore them. Rick gave us a good laugh when he suggested that another way to lose a friend was to "loan em money." 2.) Disagree with them all the time. Gary said that the prophet Amos had asked the question, "Can two walk together unless they agree?" Somoene wondered if Amos had been married which made us laugh. Gary said that Amos was a farmer so maybe he spent a good bit of time by himself; 3.) Two-time or cheat on them. He said this was a sure way to kill a friendship because this erodes trust and draws people apart over time.

The third seminar was titled, "How to Lose Jesus as a Friend." Gary said that Jesus wants to be our friend but that friendship is a two-way street. He suggested there are three ways to do this. 1.) Ignore him by neglecting to pray and read the bible. Gary said that when we don't focus on God that other stuff effectively pushes our spiritual desire out. 2.) Disagree all the time. He said that if we always do what self wants and never what God wants that we will eventually lose our connection with God. Gary also suggested that love should be the key to all our actions. 3.) Two-time him. Gary said that we do this by acting one way around our christian friends and differently when around others. He said this is like trying to be a part time christian. Our friend Donna said that this was like wanting to "walk with God and run with the devil." Marney said that she had learned the hard way that it was difficult for her to stay focused on God when hanging out with her "drinkin, partyin friends." Someone asked if we had ever done aerobics and pointed out that there are "high impact" and "low impact" types of aerobics. He said the low impact aerobics was the easy version. We laughed as he told us that many people want a "low impact spirituality" because they think the other type is too hard.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion Gary said that he had learned as a young man that "I could't run my life very well." He told us that one of his favorite texts was Jeremiah 10:23, "I know O Lord that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." Gary said, "This is my text. You can have it but it's still mine" which we thought was very generous even at it made us laugh.

Lady Gaga Does

2011-10-19T07:40:00.000-05:00

At our Thursday morning Free Store conversation our friend George Dunn led us in a discussion on 1 Corinthians 13. But before we jumped into the conversation we asked him about his recent vacation to Topsail Island and were informed that it was great but he didn't go in the water "because my wife was afraid of the Bull Shark" which made us laugh. He also told us that if "you meet a girl looking for a husband she's obviously never had one" which seemed to especially amuse the ladies.

George started our discussion with a quote from Mother Teresa, "It has nothing to do with the size of the deed but everything to do with the size of the love." He said that without love even the highest human achievements were insignificant. George referred to "low impact Christianity" that is "like General Motors but not run as well" which made us laugh. He said that the church needs more love and less corporate efficiency. George told us that Jesus is ultimately a threat to every religious system because he advocated love which is not a "pay for performance" formula. He said that God's love involves both grace and mercy. Mercy is when you don't get the punishment that you deserve and grace is when you get what you haven't earned.

As the conversation continued George said that there are different kinds of love. He mentioned Eros and asked if "anybody knew what that is?" After a short, awkward pause he said, "Lady Gaga does" which made us laugh. George said that agape was a type of love that never gives up on people no matter how they behave. Such love would never say, "I bought you flowers on Friday why are you acting like such a bitch today?" He said, "My brother used to visit me and would steal my checks to support his drug habit. I still love him but now lock up my checks when he visits" which made us laugh.

At this point one of our friends asked, "Why does God put you in difficult circumstances?" And our new friend Jeff said, "I've heard that God won't give us more than we can handle but I'd like to know who decides what is enough?" Someone said that the "why" questions are always the hardest and that we don't always have good answers but that sometimes as we look back on the hard times things make more sense. He also thanked our friends for asking the tough questions.

As the conversation moved to its conclusion our new friend Chris said that even though things don't work out the real question is, "Am I gonna serve God to the end?" George said, "I've seen God work good out of bad stuff." He went on to tell us about a time that he "got the .410 gauge shotgun out and put it in my mouth." With tears in his eyes he said, "although I haven't had one before or since I had a vision of myself laying in the casket and my son Jeremy crying and I just couldn't do it." Our friend David said that he had been struggling and living in a men's shelter the past couple of years but he believed that regardless of circumstances he was "gonna be a winner either way." Finally, our new friend Ron said, "I understand people are searching for answers. But it's important to understand that God has nothing to do with sin. Sometimes we get in a bad situation by our own bad decisions but not always. No matter how hard things can be God will see you through."

I'm the Only Hell My Mama Ever Raised

2011-10-18T07:01:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos continued to lead us through a study of the book of Romans in the New Testament. We focused on Romans 7:1-13 which Carlos told us was written for legalists or those that were dominated by the "don't system." The passage basically says that people can have geniune freedom from all forms of oppressive rules. Carlos said that freedom from the law didn't mean that we could just live as we please and do whatever the hell we wanted which we thought was a bit disappointing. He said there are basically three ways to live; 1.) by the law or the don't system, 2.) by doing whatever the fuck we want to do, 3.) or by being guided by the Spirit of God.

We talked a bit about how the law is designed largely to show us what not to do in order to prevent us from doing harm to ourselves or others. Carlos asked us what we would say to the child that asks why they can't run in the street. Sheila said, "I'll beat your ass" which made us laugh. But we all realized that when a parent says, "Don't run in the street" it is really for the child's own safety. Carlos went on to say that the law helps us to recognize things that are wrong in the world. He asked, "When greed takes over how much is really enough? This is why the banks have all the money and we're broke." Sheila said, "So that's where my money went" which made us laugh.

At this point Carlos brought up how being told what not to do can actually motivate us to do the very thing that is prohibited. He said that people often make the mistake of harping on others for doing something wrong which is usually counterproductive. He told us about a Johnny Paycheck song, "I'm the Only Hell (My Mama Ever Raised)" which made us laugh. The lyrics demonstrate the ineffectiveness of the don't sysetm.

Well, I can't sell my momma short on loving me
I guess that's why she let me go so far
Momma always stopped me short of stealing
I guess thats why I had to steal that car.

She told me not to smoke it
But I did and it took me far away
And I turned out to be
The only hell mama ever raised.
(Courtesy of cowboylyrics.com)

As the conversation moved to its conclusion the question was asked, "Why do we resist control?" Sheila said, "I just don't like people controlling me." Someone else pointed out that "No" is often one of the first words a child will learn and that it is important in developing a sense of individuality and personal control. Another friend suggested we resist control because we don't like a hierarchy in which someone else is above us telling us what to do. We don't like to be subordinate to other people. At this Carlos said, "Everyone has a voice and everyone's opinion matters." He also asked, "Why should I listen to you if you don't love me?" which we thought was a great question to ponder.

Maybe the Dogs Ate Him

2011-10-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

At a recent Free Store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 16, "A Rich Man Dressed in Purple." The story is basically about a filthy rich dude that lives in the lap of luxury every day of his life. However, right outside his very ornate gate is an extremely poor man that longs to just eat the crumbs that fall from the rich man's lavish table. Eventually the poor man dies as does the rich guy. In the afterlife the rich man ends up roasting in the fire of Hades while the no longer poor dude is resting blissfully in the lap of Abraham. The rich guy asks Abraham to send the poor man to dip his finger in water and alleviate his agony but Abraham says in effect, "You had your heaven on earth and this guy his hell. And just like there was in life a gate there is now a great chasm that prevents those who are comfortable from alleviating the misery of those in hell."

We started the conversation by talking about the two main characters in the story; the rich man and Lazarus. Jack thought the rich guy must have been very wealthy and might have been royalty because he was described as wearing the color purple which Jack said is a "mark of royalty." Someone said that clothing is as much about showing our status and class position in society as it is about looking good. Someone made us laugh when they mentioned "Free Store Fashion" and said that "you can look good in free stuff." Although the rich man had a pretty cushy life Sheila wondered if he had any "good good friends." As we turned our attention to the poor man George said that he was "definitely down and out" which for some reason made us laugh. The story says that the poor guy was sick and that the dogs would come and lick the open sores which we found pretty disgusting. Although George mentioned that some people think that "a dog lickin a wound can heal it."

At this point we talked a little about the significance that in the story the poor man is laying at the gate of the rich man's house. George said that a gate "mark's where your property is." Someone else said that a gate is as much about access as it is about keeping people out. Jack said it is about access but "only if you have the proper key." We thought it was tragic that the rich guy never went through that gate to make a connection with his down and out neighbor. Instead he turned a blind eye to the misery that existed at his very own door step.

As we started to talk about the shift in the story when the two men died Jack wondered why it says the rich man was buried but it doesn't mention a burial for Lazarus. Sheila made us laugh when she said, "Maybe the dogs ate him" which we found funny in a twisted sort of way. Someone said that it was interesting that the man whose life on earth had been hell was in heaven while the man whose life on earth had been heaven was in hell. At this our new friend David said "Preach it" which made us laugh. The story really just reverses the situation of the two men and extends it into the afterlife in an imaginative way. Someone thought it was ironic that the rich guy would expect someone to have mercy on him in his misery even though in life he never lifted a finger to help his down and out neighbor. Someone thought that maybe there would be no hell (on either side of death) if people would just look out for each other.

As the conversation moved to a close George told us about a black man that used to come by his house when he was a kid and would ask for food and water. George said that his mom would always give the man something. When he asked her why she said, "Son, it could be Jesus Christ." At this the question came up about why rich people weren't more generous. We laughed when Jack told us about some very wealthy friends that he knows and how he likes the way they live and the way he lives when he is with them. He went on to say that people that have a lot "tend to be very self satisfied" and think that they have earned everything they have. Our friend Andrew said, "We have to look at what we have now. We have to accept the cards that we've been dealt and we need to be thankful for the little that we do have." At this I told the group about a man I knew when I was a pastor in Tunkhannock, PA. The guy sold his small business and bought a motorcycle and van and used to just travel around the country making friends wherever he went. He used to tell me, "Man, you own too much stuff to be free." As we laughed about this Jack told us about his friends that own an expensive home in Monroe that they can't sell even though they have dropped the price several times over the last few years. Apparently money creates as many problems that vex as it provides comforts that soothe.

Just a Letter and a $10 Money Order

2011-10-12T14:03:00.000-05:00

At our Tuesday morning Free Store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 12, "The Land of a Rich Man." The story is about a man whose land produces a mega harvest. The harvest is so huge that it presents a real problem so the owner has to figure out what to do with the excess. Basically the guy decides to tear down his barns and build bigger ones to store the excess produce. He proceeds to imagine that he will live comfortably on the surplus for the remainder of his happy life. At this point God intervenes and calls the guy a "fool" since he will die that very night.

We started the conversation by talking a bit about why the man in the story didn't just add on to his existing barns rather than tearing down the old and building new ones. George said that he must have had to "pay a lot of people to help him work it." Someone said that maybe the old barns were ugly and he wanted some new barns to look at which made us laugh. We agreed that building new structures was quite extravagant which meant that the harvest must have been way beyond normal. This led us to talk about what we do when we have extra money or when we have more than we need. Rick said that at one time in his life he had bought a Benelli Shotgun which had cost him thousands of dollars. Sheila told us that she and her ex-husband had purchased Harley Davidson Indian motorcycles at which George said he would "love to see her setting on that thing" which made us laugh.

At this point we talked about how easy it is to get caught up in spending all of what we have only on ourselves. Someone asked the question, "Why does God bless us?" And our new friend Andrew said, "To see what you will do with it." Our friend Donald seemed to like this and said loudly, "You can't take it with you" which made us laugh.

We thought it was ironic that on the last day of his life the man in story was spending his dwindling time planning his non-existent future. This led us to talk a bit about how life is fragile and there is no guarantee that we will live to see tomorrow. Someone mentioned that Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple Computers, had died this week at age 57. At this another friend told us about a Nickelback song called "If Today Was Your Last Day" about living each day of your life as if it was your last day.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion someone brought up that the rich guy in the story didn't share the good news with a single other person and didn't even offer a little prayer of thanks to God for it. It was clear that the man was more than a little self-obsessed with his own comfort and security. We wondered if in spite of the abundance of stuff that he owned if he might not have been a lonely man. George said, "TV is all right but you need a warm body" which made us laugh. Rick mentioned the Tom Hanks movie Castaway where the guy paints a face on the volleyball and talks to it. At this George told us about doing time in prison and said that "just a letter" (and after a short pause with a twinkle in his eye) "and a $10 money order" could make his day and put a smile on his face (and on ours as well).

When the Money's Gone They Treat You Like a Dog

2011-10-11T14:31:00.000-05:00

Our friend Justin led the free store conversation on Thursday morning and started by asking the question, " Is life unfair?" Our new friend Andrew said that life was definitely not unfair. He said that since Satan is the ruler of the world and since God turned the world over to Satan that to say the world was unfair was to blame God for being unfair. A few others thought the world was unfair but didn't give any specifics. At this our new friend Vic said, "I gave up tryin to make other people happy. I can make it better or worse by the choices I make."

Justin then asked, "Who would like to win the lottery?" A lot of hands went up at this. Justin said that even though we might think money is the solution to our problems that it might not be. He told us that he had been thinking about Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 which was written by King Solomon, one of the richest and wisest men that ever lived. "Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him--for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart."

At this point our friend Andrew said that he had been thinking about something he read recently that said "In three words, what inspires you?" He said that for him the three words were "God is alive." He went on to say that "time is running out" because of the way that people were mistreating one another. Our new friend Wendy said that she didn't understand why people didn't treat each other better. She told us about a friend of hers that just doesn't get along with her mother. Wendy said, "I take my mother everywhere with me." She asked, "How can you love God and hate your mother?"

As the conversation progressed Vic said that he thought people were "so deep in the things of the world that they don't see that life is the most precious thing in the world." He told us about a friend of his whose brother had died recently. Vic said that his friend had punched his brother in the mouth before he died and hand't apologized or told his brother that he loved him and now he was living with guilt about it. Andrew said that since people are created by God, "you are the most important thing in the world. Be grateful to God."

As the conversation moved to a conclusion Justin encouraged us to "make the most of what you have" rather than "always wanting more." He said "don't hoard stuff" because it "won't make you happy" which made us laugh. Someone said that spending our lives getting more stuff is like a dog chasing its tail which is an amusing but ultimately pointless activity. At this someone said, "When you got money they treat you nice, but when the money's gone they treat you like a dog." Another friend said, "Tomorrow never comes. It's always today, today, today. And what you do today will count."

The Preacher Said "They Do Drugs" But Didn't Visit Them

2011-10-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

At our Saturday morning free store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable in Luke 15, "A Man Had Two Sons." The question was asked, "What is a parable?" Cliff said that it was "like a quotation." Someone else said that it was a short story about something known (ordinary life) told in order to teach us about something unknown (the kingdom of God). Regardless of the definition we agreed that the parables were interesting and at times entertaining.

We started the conversation with a recap of the first part of the story (see our prior blog titled, "It Put Him On His Butt and He Woke Up") in which the man's younger son asks for his share of the inheritance up front. Surprisingly the father gives it to him and the boy promptly leaves home and spends it all in wild living. When he is reduced to poverty and on the verge of starvation the boy comes to his senses and returns home. The father is delighted to have his son back and throws a party for the younger boy.

Enter son two. The older son returns from the field in the evening and hears the music and wants to know what the hell is going on. He is told what has happened and immediately gets angry and refuses to go in to the feast. At this the father comes outside and pleads with his older son to join the party. The story ends without resolution and we are left to wonder if the older brother joins in the festivity or not.

At this point we talked a bit about why the older brother might have been angry about the party. While the younger boy had been out living it up the older brother had stayed on the farm and worked to keep things going. We talked about how the older brother was responsible and hard working. George said that he had "picked corn" and done other work on a farm and that it was very hard work. Cliff said that the older brother had "disowned" his younger brother because he was "jealous." Our friend George talked about being a missing person for 17 years before going back to his hometown recently and making contact with his family.

As the conversation progressed we talked about how the two sons were very different. The young son was impetuous and irresponsible and had to learn things the hard way. George said that he learned a lot when he was "on the chain gang" for a few years. The older son was responsible and hardworking but was very judgmental of his younger brother. At this George told us about a preacher in his hometown of Raeford that used to badmouth people for doing drugs rather than visit them and get to know them and try to help them.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion our friend Terrence said, "you as a person may go off and destroy things, but through it all God still loves you." He also said that even though you might be raised in a church your body and mind may want to do other stuff. We liked the idea that God is like a father that wants his kids to join in the party and enjoy the family feast.

Sometimes I Think I've Lost All My Gifts

2011-09-30T15:15:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us on Thursday morning for our free store conversation and talked about driving through Myers Park on the way over. He said that he was certain God wanted him to have a house in that neighborhood and he even knew which one which made us laugh. Someone said maybe they needed a free store in that neighborhood as well. George went on to say that even though things may seem one way on the surface that appearances don't tell us everything and sometimes actually hide the ugly truth. He told us about a couple he knows that live in a very expensive house but they are in serious financial trouble because during the housing market boom they got a loan with no income verification and now they can't afford the payments.

George told us that he thinks Americans are obsessed with credit because we love the visible signs of status and success and we are obsessed with appearances. He said that he lived that way for a long time until he lost his high paying job and with it his consumer identity. Through this painful experience he told us that he learned that a human being is much more than his net worth. He also wondered how long it would be before our materialistic obsessions would lead us to the brink of national financial ruin.

At this point in the discussion George told us religious people can be just as obsessed about appearances as materialistic people (and the two often overlap). He said that in 1 Corinthains 12 & 14 the apostle Paul was dealing with early christians that were obsessed with the appearance of being spiritual. We talked a bit about how spirituality is more than just having a powerful emotional experience in a church service or in group worship. Rick told us about visiting a church where people were "going berzerk" which was beyond his comprehension and left him feeling more confused than inspired.

George said that in 1 Corinthians 13 the apostle Paul talks about love as the most important thing in life. He said that without love, "I am a big zero" and "What I've done is a big goose egg." We talked a bit about how love is what really helps us build lasting quality relationships with others. It isn't always sexy to deal with the raw reality of people but it is rewarding to go deeper in our frienships rather than staying safe on the surface. Joelle told us about attending a Nazarene church in Pineville for a while where she really got to know people. She said that it was great to go deeper with people rather than putting up walls and being superficial and isolated.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion Rick said "sometimes I think I've lost all my gifts." He said that he used to do oil painting and photography but had stopped doing these things. We encouraged Rick that what is lost can be found. At this our friend Terrence said "God is with us" and was thankful for friends that "helped me spiritually and physically."

It Put Him On His Butt and He Woke Up

2011-09-28T15:21:00.000-05:00

At our Tuesday morning free store conversation we talked about Jesus' parable, "A Man Had Two Sons." The story begins in the grand dreams of the younger son to escape the confines of small town life and seek bigger urban adventures. To finance his dream the young boy asks his father for his share of the inheritance up front. We talked about how this was an unusual request on a number of levels not least because it was as if the boy was saying, "Dad, I wish you were dead because I want your stuff now." As we thought about this Sheila said, "I would slap him down" which made us laugh. Marney said, "OMG (well she didn't actually say the letters) that reminds me of Marco."

As we progressed in the story it turns out the father actually granted his young son the unusual request and gave him his share of the inheritance even though it might put the family in a tough spot. Although the story didn't say why the father did this we speculated about his reasons. Marney said, "My mother favored my youngest brother because she got older and a little tireder (of course it's a word)." Sheila said, "It's your last child" so you would spoil that child. We joked with wittle Sheila because she was da baby of da family. We also talked about how things can get nasty between siblings when it comes to dividing the inheritance.

At this point in the story the younger son gathers everything that he has been given and heads off for greener pastures in a far country. Marney thought he probably "had an entourage" as the party got started. However, things began to take a wrong turn because the boy proceeded to squander his wealth in wild living. As we talked about what squandered might mean Marney said "he partied hard." She then told us about "crawling up my grandma's steps" after nights on the town. Donald said loudly that he used to "drink, drink, drink" then he started "throwin up blood" so he realized he had a problem and turned to God.

After the money ran out (for the younger son not for Donald as far as we know) the story says that there was a famine and that since the boy had wasted all his wealth he began to starve. Things got so bad that this Jewish boy ended up working on a hog farm and actually longed to eat the pig slop. We thought a person would have to be pretty hungry for that to seem like a good meal. With the money gone, the party over, and the entourage nowhere in sight, the boy was left all alone without any help or support.

At this point the tragic tale takes a positive turn. The story says that the young man "came to his senses." Sheila said, "It put him on his butt and he woke up" which made us laugh. He thought to himself, "I'd be better off as a servant to my father since the servants always have plenty of food." So he said to himself, "I will rise and go to my father." An act of will based on sane thinking changed his life for the better and turned a tragedy into a triumph.

The story says that the boy returned home wanting to find a place as a servant but the father instead welcomed him as a son. At this Donald told us about a time when he left Charlotte and thought he would never see it again. He said, "I thought about all the stuff I did" and he was glad when things worked out and he got to come home.

As the conversation moved to a close we talked about what a great party that family must have had that night. The young son must have been thinking about what a long way he had travelled from the famine in the pig fields to the feast at the family table. We all agreed that the boy really got far better than he deserved. Sheila said, "It makes a lot of difference when you get love and respect."

The Morally Superior Man With Oratorical Skill Meets the Morally Questionable Guy With Low Self-Esteem

2011-09-27T14:45:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we discussed Jesus' parable in Luke 18, "Two Men Went Up to the Temple to Pray." The first man that went up was a Pharisee and he stood there by himself praying, "God I thank you that I'm not like the rest of this worthless riff raff around here." The other guy was a tax collector and he stood at a distance with his head down and prayed, "God I'm a screw up please forgive me." Yes those are literal translations directly from the original Koine Greek! Ironically, Jesus said that the morally questionable guy with low self-esteem went back to his house justified rather than the morally superior man with oratorical skill.

At this point I asked the group to follow me on a bit of a detour and asked them, "What is the purpose of a map?" Sheila said it was designed to give you directions from one place to another. George said that a map showed miles and distances and roads. Someone else brought up that maps mark out boundaries between territories and show us the lines that distinguish one geographical place from another. So basically maps mark off boundaries and give us information that can be helpful as we move from one place to another.

As the conversation progressed we talked a bit about how we all have social and moral maps that help us to distinguish the boundaries that mark out good people from bad people in the world. We talked about how religions give us maps that teach us to distinguish who is in the good group territory from who is in the bad group territory. We had a bit of fun when someone said that in growing up his religious map had warned against going to bowling alleys which everyone found amusing. Cliff couldn't remember much about the map that he got from his church which also made us laugh.

At this point in the discussion we talked about how in Jesus' world the religious map of his group favored the Pharisee over the tax collector. In the story that he told the Pharisee is clearly a good man that as someone said, "would make a good neighbor." Someone else suggested that maybe the problem was that he was "too good" which made us laugh. We also talked about how the morally superior man looked down on and was quick to exclude people that weren't just like himself. We also wondered what the morally questionable guy had done that he couldn't even lift his head and look anyone in the eye. Somone said that it is a terrible thing to be excluded and looked down on and to feel ashamed and unworthy.

In conclusion we talked about how maybe the story isn't so much about the two men that went to pray. Maybe the story is encouraging us to throw out the maps we have been given and draw new maps that include rather than exclude people from our lives. The kingdom of God will most likely include people that our moral and religious maps have placed outside the boundary lines so we might as well get used to them being in the neighborhood.

I Never Rode With Jose Cuervo Again

2011-09-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

Our friend Justin led the Friday morning conversation at the Free Store. To get the discussion rolling he asked the question, "Who has ever been lost?" After a bit of silence Rick told us about a time he got drunk on Tequila while hunting. Rather than drive home he decided to walk through the woods but after a while realized "the house was further than I thought" which made us laugh. He eventually came to a street with a church on the left and a bar named "Bill's Place" on the right. Rick did what anyone drunk on Tequila would do and chose the bar from where he called his ex-girlfriend to come get him. He decided that while waiting he needed another drink which apparently didn't go over very well when his friend arrived and found him drinking at the bar. He told us in a deadpan voice, "She was the only woman that ever slapped me." Someone added that she probably wasn't the only woman that ever wanted to slap him, which made us laugh. He finished the story by saying, "I never rode with Jose Cuervo again."

At this point our new friend Brad joined the conversation and talked about his experience of being spritually lost. He said, "No matter which way I turned I was still lost." But he said that when he humbled himself and asked for God's help that his life took a turn for the better. Justin told us about taking a trip to Tennessee with his wife recently and how they were relying on a GPS electronic map but ultimately found themselves with no service and no map. He said that sometimes we have to rely on other people to help us when we get stuck. Justin said he had been thinking about Acts 2:42 and Luke 8:1 recently which talked about how Jesus and the early church learned to rely on others for the help and support needed in their lives. He said that even Jesus relied on his friends to support his ministry out of their own resources.

We talked a bit about how difficult it can be to ask other people for help and to depend on others. Someone said that his mom would often tell the story about when he was learning to tie his shoes and she would try to help him but he would say, "I do it myself" which made us laugh. Our friend Brad said that he had learned that "you don't have to sell drugs" because "God will provide." He also told us about a time when everything he owned was in storage but was going to auction unless he could come up with the rent money. He said that he went to one church where the man held out his hand and offered to pray. Brad asked the question, "What good is that?" He said that he went to another church that after checking into his story helped him with his problem for which he was grateful.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about the importance of looking out for each other and learning to ask for help when we need it and give help when we can. Rick said, "Sheila told me I needed to give some of my stuff up." He went on to say, "I found 20 pairs of shoes I got from the free store" which made us laugh. He said that since he didn't think he needed that many shoes he brought most of them back for someone that might need them. Rick also said that "30 years ago things would set me off on instinct but now I let things go." At this our friend Terrence said, "when you been on the bottom so long the only alternative is up."

I've Got Enough Skeletons in My Closet to Make a Zombie Army

2011-09-23T15:49:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us on Thursday morning for our free store conversation and was warmly welcomed as we eagerly took the boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts from his hands. As we went to work on the donuts George said that we were going to continue our discussion of Matthew 7 that we had started last week. In this chapter Jesus says in effect, "Don't label, don't judge, and don't condemn." Someone said that he hadn't done very well with the "not judging" thing over the past week which made us laugh. Our friend went on to say that this was a very high standard of accepting other people.

We thought it was interesting when someone mentioned how in this same chapter where Jesus said that we shouldn't label people that he then went on to label some people as "hypocrites." George said that maybe we should use the word "posers" instead because "its got a softer edge" which made us laugh. So we talked a bit about how even though we might at times see the "ugly truth" about people that we shouldn't make ultimate judgments about their worth or value.

At this point George brought our attention to Jesus saying about not casting pearls before swine. None of us knew much about hogs (or pearls for that matter) except someone said that where he grew up in PA the hog farms stank the worst of all the farms which made us laugh. George said that hogs can be very nasty and he told us of a saying popular in his hometown in MI, "I ain't had this much fun since the hogs ate my sister" which made us laugh even harder. George told us that he thought the point of the saying is that "you have to be careful about what you share with people" because you can get hurt by talking to the wrong people about certain things.

As the conversation progressed we talked a bit about how people won't want to talk with you about important things in their lives if you are a judgmental and critical person. George said that Jesus told his friends not to label and judge others because he wanted them to have deep relationships with people and they couldn't do that if they were critical and judgmental. At this George told us about sitting in a Panera Bread shop bawling like a baby after a friend asked him to talk about his mom since she had passed away recently. He said he must have seemed pathetic as he weeped in the middle of the restaurant and that he cried so much that "I almost got my sandwich wet" which made us laugh. George also said, "I've got enough skeletons in my closet to make a zombie army" which made us laugh even harder.

At this point we talked about how Jesus encouraged his friends to ask for what they needed and to trust thatGod would listen to their prayers and help them. Jesus asked his friends to imagine the irony of a child that asked a parent for bread and was given a stone instead. George said it would be like "if Donald asked for a donut and we gave him a bug instead." At the mention of his name Donald said loudly, "Belt, belt, belt" and although we weren't sure exactly what he meant it did make us laugh.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion one of our friends said that when Jesus told his friends to "ask" "seek" and "knock" that he was encouraging them to take effective action to change their lives. He said that instead of taking responsible action that at times "we just sit on our asses and don't do what we know we should" which is neither active nor effective. At this Donald shared a memory he had of his grandmother telling him when he was very little that he should always go to church and believe in God. He said that he always goes to church on Sunday and its "all about God" as he pointed in the direction of the church that he regularly attends. Our friend Donna said that as she listened she was thinking that if you "sow bad seed" that you would "reap a bad harvest."

My Wife Thinks I'm Very Undependable

2011-09-22T15:22:00.000-05:00

Carlos started the free store conversation on Wednesday morning by asking the group to pick sides in an imaginary arm wrestling contest between Paul (that's me the blog's author) and a new friend that joined us for the first time. Sheila picked me (who she affectionately calls her "boss" when she's not pissed at me) and Jack picked the other guy (for which he has been banished from the free store for an undetermined period of time or until we need him for something). Carlos then said that the person that had picked the winner would be right and that this was the primary meaning of the word righteous in the bible. It simply means to be right about something. Jack said he thought there was more to it but after a little back and forth we agreed to move forward with Carlos' definition.

With this background Carlos moved us into our continuing discussion of the book of Romans. He read a passage in Romans 4 that talked about how Abraham believed that God could fulfill his promises and that Abraham was right about it so the bible says that he is "righteous." At this Carlos asked us if there were things God had promised us? Someone said that God promised to give us eternal life. Joelle said that God promised never to leave us. And Sheila said that God had promised to always love us. Jack said he thought that was about all that we could possibly need. However, Joelle wasn't so sure if that was enough and suggested that things like health and security were important as well.

Carlos told us that God had promised to give Abraham children and yet when Abraham was 100 years old he still didn't have a child with his wife Sarah (and she was 90). So we thought it was pretty bold and maybe even a bit crazy and yet Abraham believed that God was right and could do what was promised. Carlos made us laugh when he said, "If you bet against God you're gonna lose."

At this point Carlos asked us how we were doing on our promises? He estimated that he kept his promises about 40% of the time. He told us that "my wife thinks I'm very undependable" which made us laugh. Joelle told us that we can really disappoint people when we don't follow through on our promises. She also said that she felt good about keeping her promise to help Sheila get ready to move to her new apartment next week. Jack said, "I don't promise unless I can fulfill it." We applauded our friends for following through on their promises.

As the discussion moved to a conclusion we talked about how we make and break promises all the time and might not even realize it. Rick said that people will often say, "I'll get back to you" when you know they have no intention of ever calling you again. Jack said that was because people are "superficially polite in the south" which made us laugh. Carlos encouraged us to recognize that ultimately God didn't bless Abraham because Abraham was good at keeping his promises but rather because God was good at keeping God's promises.

Hope in the Hearts of All People (written by Liz Eagle)

2011-09-21T14:02:00.000-05:00

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.---- Ecclesiastes 3:9-14

We began our conversation at the Free Store today as we always do when going through the book of Ecclesiates: trying to figure out where we left off. We've been going at it for a few months when I lead and we kind of just get to where we get. I truly love this book because it shows the helplessness of mankind and the hope God gives, hardly changing the tone in between. Life is what it is. It may be shitty sometimes but God has a plan for it and we grow into stronger people in the long run, if we just hold on! (Not to reference any early 90's pop music or anything)

One thing I like about this group of people that sit around the table with me on Tuesday is the diversity. No, I do not mean in a skin-tone sort-of-way. I mean real diversity. We have all been in so many places. From being very wealthy and becomming homeless, to experiencing extreme love and loss, being imprisoned to being homeless, having homes but seeking to find fellowship... We truly come from all walks of life, both good and bad. We are on all spectrums. The book of Ecclesiates touches on just that. "For everything there is a season and a purpose under heaven."

We see in our friends with whom we share increasingly personal information that we have all experienced hardship. Similarly we have all experienced God's grace in the midst of it. There are days when we show up to the Free Store, just needing to vent about how we feel and where we've been. There are days we just need to silently listen. But the glory of it all is that we are evolving to a place where we can empathize with one another and see what the verses we studied speak of that "God has placed eternity in the hearts of all men", letting us know that there is a hope beyond what we see and a glory to be shared eventually.

Our friend Megan shared of her brother and sister-in-law hoping to be parents but being told they were unable, Joelle stating her similar situation and a gifted pregnancy 5 years ago, Donald expressing his hurt at the loss of a friend, George explaining the happiness of having amazing friends like Jack and Judy who have helped him tap into his God-given gifts of academia and art. Good and bad situations arise but we are blessed to have eternity to look for and friends with whom to travel on the journey there.

I Have Friends on Facebook But Would I Get Out of My Comfort Zone To Help Them

2011-09-20T14:47:00.000-05:00

In our free store conversation on Friday morning we talked about Jesus parable in Luke 11, "Suppose One of You Has a Friend." The gist of the story is that a man goes to a friend's house at midnight and bangs on the door asking for three loaves of bread. The guy knocking on the door has a friend that has arrived on a journey and he doesn't have anything to feed his friend. The friend that is being asked for the three loaves basically says "Don't bother me" and gives a number of very good reasons that he can't help. Ultimately the guy does get out of bed and give his friend what he wants but not because of friendship but because of his friend's "importunity," "persistence" or "shamelessness."

We started the conversation by noting how inconvenient friendship can be at times. Our friend Robert made us laugh when he shared how his wife is a very social person and likes to go out with friends a lot but he wonders, "Are they really friends or just acquaintances?" He also said, "I have friends on Facebook but would I get out of my comfort zone to help them?" At this our friend Jack said that there is "situational friendship" as well as "degrees of friendship." He also said that he has been married to his wife Julie for 45 years but they don't always do everything the other person wants. One thing we all seemed to identify with was the idea that real friendship often goes beyond what is comfortable for us.

Someone thought it was unusual that a guy would knock on a friend's door at midnight asking for bread. We laughed when someone said that the convenience store must have been closed. Someone made the point that it seemed like in Jesus' time people were more dependent on each other for what they needed and there was more of a sense of community than we have today.

We talked a bit about why the guy that was being asked for three loaves of bread ultimately gave it to his untimely friend. One translation said that he did it because of his "importunity" but no one knew what that meant which made us laugh. Another translation said it was because of his "persistence" and someone else had a translation that said it was because of his "shamelessness." However, every translation we had agreed that the guy didn't do it out of friendship. So we thought that maybe the guy just knocked on the door and made a nuisance out of himself until his comfy friend inside was forced to give him what he wanted to shut him up and get rid of him. We also talked about how the guy asking for bread at midnight was certainly willing to act "shamelessly" on behalf of a friend that had a need he couldn't personally meet out of his own resources.

In bringing the discussion to a close we talked about how many times the needs of our friends will exceed our own resources to help. But does this mean we should do nothing at all? Or is it possible that we might begin thinking about acting "shamelessly" on behalf of our friends that need what we can't personally provide and be willing to "beg" our friends that do have resources to help. Someone also brought up that Jesus told this story after his friends asked him to teach them how to pray. We laughed when Robert said that if the first guy had three loaves of bread he wouldn't have needed to ask his friend for anything and maybe we shouldn't even think about praying until we have nothing left to give.

Even Jeffrey Dahmer Looked Nice on the Outside

2011-09-17T10:46:00.000-05:00

George Dunn joined us for our Thursday morning free store conversation and as usual was Mr. Popularity owing in part to the Krispy Kreme donuts he brought with him. George told us that he had been on a diet recently and had lost about 20 pounds which we thought was great. He said that a friend of his that has recently lost about 50 pounds said something that helped him, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" which made us laugh.

George started the conversation by reading out of Matthew 7 where Jesus says, "Judge not that you be not judged." We talked a bit about how it is normal to make distinctions and to discern between things but that this was different than judging and condemning people in a negative way. George told us about some research that had been done showing that kids often develop self-image problems in grade school because of the system of grading that is used to evaluate them. He said that kids that don't do well on tests and that get lower grades start to think they are dumb which is often reinforced by teachers, parents, and other kids. This is really tragic because test measures really only evaluate one kind of intelligence.

George told us that he thought Jesus was really saying in effect, "Don't label people, and don't condemn people based on your own limited understanding." He gave us a good laugh when he said that even Jeffrey Dahmer's neighbor thought that he was a nice young man based on his external appearance while taking out the trash even though we now know what was in those garbage bags. We laughed even harder when we saw the look on Rick's face as he bit into one of those Krispy creme-filled donuts as George said this.

After getting the group re-focused after the comedy central interlude George went on to say that life isn't about keeping the rules and looking good on the exterior. He said that religion that says "do this, do that" is just a bunch of doo doo which made us laugh. He said that it is tragic if you call yourself a christian and yet don't care about the poor. He said this would be like a 5' 2" basketball player that can't jump thinking he was a real athlete.

Instead of labeling and condemning each other George suggested that we be kind and compassionate. He told us with tears in his eyes about losing both parents in the last two months and how much it meant to him when a friend took him to lunch and said simply, "tell me about your mom." At this someone told us about the time that one of our homeless friends that is an artist found a box of paint brushes and paint colors in the free store and how meaningful that had been to him. The guy actually thought we had bought them for him because he had just been telling us the week before how much he needed these supplies. Someone else told us about a saying he had heard years ago and remembered, "You should do something every day to make other people happy. Even if it's just to leave them alone" which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion George shared with us a quote from Mother Teresa, "It's not the size of the deed, but the size of the love."

Maybe He Got Some Smackdown

2011-09-16T06:40:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning we talked about Jesus parable, "A Man Had Two Sons." In the story in Matthew 21 the man goes to the first son and says, "Son, go and work in the vineyard today." The boys flatly says no I won't do it but then when the father leaves and after thinking about it he changes his mind and goes. In the interim the man goes to his second son with the same question. This son very politely says "Yes, sir" but never goes. Jesus then asks the question, "Which son did the will of the father?"

We started off by noticing that Jesus introduced this story by asking the question, "What do you think?" We talked a bit about how important it is to think for ourselves and how a really good teacher will give us a lot to think about and not just tell us what to think. Someone said that since the mind is the command center of the body it is important that the mind be sharp and strong so that we can manage our emotions and instincts without being led too far astray.

We also thought it was interesting that so many of Jesus stories are about common people and ordinary things. A simple story about a man and his children is something that all of us can identify with at some level. We talked about how Jesus stories always start with things we know in order to teach us about things we don't know. How impossible would it be to learn calculus if you hadn't already studied addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division?

At this point we talked about the different responses of the two sons. The first boy flatly said no to his father but then changed his mind and went to work. We laughed when someone said that some people just don't like authority and will resist it no matter what they are told to do. Someone said that the story doesn't say why the boy changed his mind. Sheila said, "maybe he got some smackdown" which gave us all a good laugh. We also talked about the other son that was very polite and respectful and seemed very obedient on the surface but didn't do what his father wanted in the end. The story doesn't say why he didn't go to work even though he said he would. We laughed when someone suggested maybe the boy "forgot" which is an excuse that his son will use at times.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion we looked at Jesus application of the story. Basically Jesus said the two sons represented two kinds of responses to God. The first son represents those like "the tax collectors and prostitutes" that initially resist the will of God but then change their minds and do it. The other group appear to be very respectful and obedient to God but it's all just appearance and talk. They talk the religious talk but don't do the will of God any more than the "irreligious" and "immoral" people that they look down on.

It was encouraging to think that even though we might resist doing what God wants that we can always change our minds and join in the adventure of the kingdom of God.

You Don't Have a Heaven or a Hell to Put Them In

2011-09-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us for the Free Store conversation on Thursday morning a number of weeks ago and told us that "help is not a four letter word." He said it was not like some of the words he had used (like jerk) on his drive to the store this morning which made us laugh. George said that the reason we don't get help is because we don't ask for help. He said that we all need help at some point because we can't always do it on our own. George said that one of the things he loved about the bible is that it tells us that God is there to help us.

George told us that religion is often performance based but that spirituality is about connection with God. He said that God is our father whether we are good kids or not. He told us that he and his wife have adopted children but that you wouldn't know it from the color or their skin or their behavior. At this someone said, "I have learned a couple things over the years. One is that there are no perfect people. And the other is that there are no worthless people. The distinctions people make are mostly bullshit." This seemed to encourage the group and George Hunt added, "You can also beat your own self up." He told us that he used to feel bad about himself for "being shy" but he was finding that he liked to talk with people more and more. He went on to say "I'm coming out" which made us laugh.

At this point George Dunn told us about a conversation he had earlier in the morning with a very religious young man that had been to seminary and was interested in ministry. The young man said, "I've come to the conclusion that life is really about being loved and loving others. The rest just isn't important." George then asked the question, "How can you be loving if you don't feel loved?" He said that you can't really fake something that imporant. He went on to say that life is not really about keeping the rules or even about what we believe. We laughed when he suggested that maybe every time we keep the rules we should get a smily face sticker on the forehead and every time we break the rules we should get a frowny face. Someone said that our group might have a lot of frowny stickers which made us laugh.

We talked a bit about how religion will often use fear as a mechanism of control. Someone brought up how ironic it is that we can be so afraid of things that don't even exist. He said that the movie Creature From the Black Lagoon had frightened him as a child and made it hard for him to swim in the river. Someone else mentioned the fear activated when he watched the movie Night of the Living Dead. George Dunn told us about his vivid fears as a child of being fried in a pan like a piece of bacon in eternal hell. We laughed as George demonstrated what a human piece of bacon would look like in a divine skillet. He said that the teaching about eternal hell is very frightening and most likely not even true. At this our friend Janice told us something that she remembers her mom saying to her father one time. She said that her dad said something negative about somebody and her mom replied, "Who are you to judge? You don't have a heaven or hell to put them in" which made us laugh.

As our conversation moved toward a close our friend Donald jumped in and said, "Dave used to talk to me when I came to the free store and ask me why I was wearin hot clothes. He taught me a lesson. I miss him." Although we weren't exactly sure how this fit in we all agreed with Donald that Big Dave had touched our lives and we missed him as well. Our new friend Curtis said, "I came over to pray at 24/7 this morning but they weren't open. It's been a rough morning for me. I was feelin bad. I cried and cried and cried. I spoke with my family in VA and felt even worse." He said that sometimes "you can be so bundled up you just can't let it out."

If You're A Prostitute and Sell Your Ass I Still Love You

2011-07-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning our friend Carlos led a discussion that revolved around the idea of judging other people. He is currently leading us in a study through the book of Romans in the New Testament. Carlos started things off by telling us that God will often let us go for the purpose of helping us out. He said that this was similar to a parent that at some point might have to kick a child out of the house because what they are doing just isn't acceptable.

Carlos asked us to think about what it would be like if a 17 year old kid got kicked out of the house and his 16 year old brother was left. He told us that the 16 year old might start to think he was something special just because he didn't get kicked out. Carlos said that the younger boy might start to be very judgmental toward his brother even though he might be doing the same things. Carlos said that we should be careful because "if you're judging someone else you are probably doing the same thing" although you might not recognize it. He told us to imagine a sexual mistake tree which immediately got our attention. He said to imagine that there are many different kinds of fruit on the tree but that it is nourished by a single root. He told us that we all have the root of sexual faults in us regardless of the different kind of fruit that is produced.

At this point in the conversation Sheila said, "We're all humans. Nobody is perfect." She also said that "we're all special." Carlos said that sometimes a person may feel like they are special and so feel entitled to do whatever the hell they want. He said, "You'll be saying 'God loves me from prison" which made us laugh. Sheila said, "I like to see a person that has come out of prison and turned their life around."

As we continued to talk about judging others our friend George said, "If you're a prostitute and sell your ass I still love you." He said that "if I can change then anybody can." He went on to say that "You'll fall but you can always pick yourself up and not fall back in your old ways."

Carlos told us about a friend that had said to him at one point, "It's my year to be an asshole." Carlos told the guy that he thought that he would just take the year off as his friend which made us laugh. This led us to talk about how there are consequences for the decisions that we make. Even though we are all equally loved as children of God regardless of our circumstances we do tend to reap what we sow in life.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion Carlos asked, "What are we gonna plant today? What good thing are we gonna do for someone else?" Then he turned and asked George, "What can I do for you today to make up for waking you up from your nap yesterday?" At this George started rubbing his stomach which made us laugh. Someone suggested that Carlos might bring in a big porkchop at which George just shook his head while grinning broadly.

I Was Thinkin About Givin Up But Friends Helped Me Out a Lot

2011-07-06T08:11:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about the importance of friendship and the need for friends of the store to support it so that we can continue to be a positive presence at Area 15. The question was asked, "Why should our friends financially support the Free Store?" We talked about what positive reasons that we could give our friends that might motivate them to give their time, energy, ideas, and money.

Sheila said, "The friendship is good. I like to talk to the people I meet here. I don't think we are asking a lot of our friends." She also said that people have a place to hang out and that they love to hang out with us." Someone said that ultimately a $5 gift from 1,000 people is just as good, and maybe even better, than a $5,000 gift from 1 person. We laughed when someone said that we don't want to discourage the $5,000 donor.

Our friend Donna said, "Anybody can fall on hard times and the store does help the needy." She went on to say that beyond the stuff that is given away, "Every morning people can get an encouraging message if they want to receive it." She said that it could be "something that someone says or even a prayer because you don't really know what touches people."

At this point our loud and talkative friend Donald said that he takes clothes home from the free store and wears them all the time. He tells his friends, "If you ain't got nuthin come to the free store." He said that a friend found a tote bag that he really needed and it made him feel good. He went on to say, "I'm down here to be around people. I can call the free store if I'm in the hospital and someone will visit me." At this George jumped in and said, "Thanks for sharing Donald" which made us laugh.

Our friend Terrence said that the free store "has been a safe haven in times of financial stress." At this George who looked like he was just bursting to talk, said "when I first came to the free store I was thinkin about givin up, maybe jumpin off a bridge but my friends here helped me out a lot." He told us, "I gave up on my drawin" but now was back into it. He said, "I try to talk to people and now you can't shut me up" which made us laugh. He went on to say that "volunteerin helps me out a lot."

As the conversation moved to a conclusion Rick said, "When I first moved into the neighborhood down here I used to be afraid. Now when I walk to the store people wave to me and talk to me." Sheila told us about one lady that she met that never used to leave her house but now she comes to the free store at least once a week to hang out. As we listened to our friends it seemeded clear that if positive friendship is important then what we do at the free store is something worth supporting.

As a friend and reader of our blog if you want to make a donation please go to our website http://www.visionpossible.com/ and click on the Donate Now Through Network for Good link. As with everything else we do our slogan is "Give what you want. Take what you need."

Mommy Get the Hammer There's a Fly on Daddys Head

2011-07-01T08:13:00.001-05:00

Our friend Gary joined us for the Free Store conversation on Thursday morning and talked about forgiveness. He said that one of the hardest things that we have to do in life is to forgive others when they hurt us in some way. He told us that although it is natural to react with anger and bitterness when someone hurts us that it's not always best because that often results in violence.

We talked about how wars are often fought between people that just can't forgive each other. In a world dominated by the principle of an eye for an eye there can be no real peace. Gary said that Jesus statement about forgiving our enemies is the only real solution to end violence and establish peace.

Gary told us that to forgive means literally to let something go. He said that we can't do this on our own because it is really a supernatural thing. He went on to explain that when Jesus said to forgive each other 77 times he was basically saying that we should never stop forgiving.

At this point Gary got up and took a pitcher filled with water and started pouring it into a glass. As we continued to talk about forgiveness Gary kept pouring and pouring and pouring water from the pitcher until the glass overflowed into the baking pan it was sitting in. As the pouring continued for what seemed like an unnatural amount of time George said, "It just goes on and on" which made us laugh. Someone joked that we had David Copperfield in the house. As Gary kept pouring the water from the pitcher into the glass he told us that God's love and forgiveness just never quits. After a bit of pressure from the group Gary showed us that the trick was in the design of the pitcher itself which we all found very entertaining.

As we talked about forgiveness someone said that it reminded him of the title of a book he had seen with the title, "Mommy Get the Hammer There's a Fly on Daddy's Head" which made us laugh. He said that we can really hammer other people as well as ourselves for certain things that we don't like. He also said that we should put down the hammer because there is enough blood and pain in the world.

The question was asked about what things we can do to help us become more forgiving. Gary said that we should just start to verbalize the forgiveness even though we don't feel like it. He also said that sometimes he will give a little gift to someone that he needs to forgive without saying that is the reason for the gift. We talked about how we don't have to wait for an apology before we forgive someone because forgiveness helps us whether the other person wants it or not.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion one of our friends said, "You have to pray about it to forgive." She also asked the penetrating question, "How can you love God when you ain't even willing to forgive your brother?"

It Was Really An Ego Thing

2011-06-30T07:59:00.000-05:00

Carlos joined us for our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning. He started by asking us to imagine what it would be like to have a group of teenage boys to care for. Sheila said, "You're dead" which made us laugh. Carlos then asked us to think about our relationship to God as parent to child and to reconize that "you've had some bad ideas" which also made us laugh. He said that we are all stubborn and determined to do what we want but that may simply be because we like our freedom.

As we moved into the discussion Carlos said we would be looking at Romans 1. He said that we all tend to place something of ultimate value in the place of God. At this one of our new friends said, "I have to remind myself not to get into that ego thing." She said that sometimes she wanted to post comments on FB about her relationship with God but didn't out of fear of what others would think of her. Carlos said that is is easier to work with God when you acknowledge God.

At this point we talked a bit about our ideas about God and how they might impact our lives. Carlos said that over the years he had heard some pretty strange ideas about God. He told us about a guy that thought when he died his heart would go up in the sky and merge somehow with the heart of God. Someone else said that she had just talked with someone recently that felt that unless a person referred to God as "Yahweh" that they don't really believe. Carlos suggested that we all probably define God in the wrong terms on some level.

As Carlos read a bit further in Romans 1the idea came up about God abandoning people and giving them up to their impulses because they don't acknowledge the existence of God. Carlos asked, "Have you ever had to let somoene go?" He said this could be very difficult because "I'm thinking about me and my feelings" rather than what might be best for the other person. Someone said that for years she had fought the idea of her little girl spending one week with her dad and then one week with her. She said that in retrospect it was really an ego thing because the little girl actually loves that arrangement now and it is working really well.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about what it means to let someone go. One of our new friends said that his brother is an alcoholic but won't admit it. He went on to say that when his mom went into a nursing home that the brother really struggled and actually went to the nursing home drunk because he was missing his moma. At this our friend George said that "I was the baby boy in my family. I was the pet." He said that when he was in a chain gang that one of the guards had to convince George's mom to let him remain in prison and let him pay the consequences for his mistakes. Although it was hard she did it and George felt that it was good for him in the long run.

Her Ears Are Fine, She Just Hears What She Wants To

2011-06-29T08:12:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about the importance of seeking to understand people. This is one of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People that Stephen Covey refers to as "seek first to understand then to be understood." We talked initially about the importance of a habit as something that we do regularly and repeatedly which over time comes to define our lives. Sheila said that she used to clean her house every day after work which her kids thought was a bad habit which made us laugh.

We started the conversation by talking about what it takes to be a good listener. Our friend Terrence said that respect is the main thing. He said that we all want to be respected especially for something good. At this point Donald jumped in and said that he didn't want to listen to people that called him names and made fun of him for reading his bible. Our new friend Terry said that character is important because people have to trust us if they are going to open up and really talk to us.

At this point our friend Stephanie said that sometimes when you are listening to someone else you are really "thinking about what you are going to say next." So we talked a bit about the different types of listening like ignoring, pretending to listen, selective listening. I told the group that when my sister was little my mom took her to the doctor because she had a hearing problem. After the check up the doctor said, "her ears are fine, she just hears what she wants to." As I recall the diagnosis was the cure.

We talked about how genuine listening is empathic. Empathy is like sympathy but a little different. Sympathy is "feeling with" the other person where empathy is more about "entering into" and understanding the other person's feelings. Our friend Terry said that to really listen to understand someone takes time. Sheila said that it can be hard to understand somebody. She told us about a guy that she had talked with and he ended up crying because nobody had ever listened to his story before. She went on to say that people trust her because "they know I won't say nuthin to anybody else."

As the conversation moved toward a conclusion our friend Stephanie said "don't jump to conclusions" when you are listening to someone else. At this George told us about his friend Kathy who died recently. He said she drank and got beat up a lot but that he knew her as a good person and missed her. He went on to say that in the past "I didn't care about nobody but me" and that "I was the devil hisself" which made us laugh. He also said that "if you don't shed no tears you don't have a heart." We teased George about crying while watching the sappy movies he likes and he didn't deny it which made us laugh. Stephanie said that she would often pray "Lord break my heart for what breaks yours."

Making Deposits in the Emotional Bank

2011-06-28T08:05:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we continued our discussion about the importance of making emotional deposits into our relational bank accounts. This is part of a strategy that Stephen Covey refers to as "think win/win" in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. We discussed how making a deposit in another person's emotional bank builds a reserve of positive emotion and is very important because there will be times we will screw up and make withdrawals as well. We laughed when someone said how awful it was to go to the bank for a withdrawal and have no money in the account.

Our new friend Angel said that it made you feel good when you helped someone else. He said that simple things like paying bills and helping with the kids and sharing love together were important ways to keep a relationship positive. We talked about how doing little things for another person can go a long way to making that person feel valued and loved.

At this point in the conversation we talked about the importance of keeping our commitments and promises as a way of making emotional deposits in another person's life. One of our new friends said that it "hurts real bad" when someone lets you down. We talked about how keeping our promises communicates to the other person that they matter to us and that we value them in our lives.

Sheila said that another way to make a deposit in someone's life is by "being honest to each other." She also said that honesty can make you feel bad at times because the truth is not always something that we want to hear. At this one of our new friends said that her fiance had just walked off this morning because he got upset with her for being honest with someone about their situation.

We talked about how important it was to apologize when we made a mistake as a way to make a positive deposit in someone's emotional bank. One of our new friends said, "It was hard to apologize to my mom for things I did when I was younger." She said, "I was afraid to talk to her because I didn't know how she would react." She went on to say that it got so bad that it was making her physically sick and that when she finally did apologize her mom handled it very well and she felt much better. We talked about how it is as important to apologize for our own faults as it is to forgive the faults of others. We also noted the negative effects of our own strong emotions when we don't manage them properly.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion one of our friends said, "I got a question." She told us that her fiance had walked out on her earlier in the morning because she had told someone the truth about their situation and in particular about him being on probation. She wanted to know if we thought she did the right thing by being honest in that situation. We all sympathized with our friend and tried to encourage her. We thought that it was always a good idea to act in our own best interest even if there were difficult consequences that had to be faced as a result.

So What If I Can't Talk

2011-06-25T13:43:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we continued talking about the win/win paradigm of human social interaction. This is one of the principles highlighted by Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. There are actually six paradigms of human interaction: win/win, win/lose, lose/win, loose/loose, win, and win/win or no deal. At this point Sheila said, "there is always a winner and a loser." Covey encourages us to think win/win since that results in the highest good for both parties.

We started the conversation by talking about the Emotional Bank Account. We talked about the importance of making positive deposits into other peoples lives in order to have a strong relational bond. The question was asked about what we can do to make deposits in the emotional bank that will make people feel good about themselves. Jack said that it doesn't take anything away from yourself to make another person feel good. Sheila said that one way to make someone feel good is to take the time to talk to them and get to know them. She went on to say that even if people are withdrawn that you can still talk to them and get feedback.

Rick told us that when he used to walk into someone's office he would look around at the walls. He said he would look at the pictures to figure out what the person was interested in and talk about that. If there were pictures of fish he would talk about fishing which made us laugh. At this point Jack said that he had an "eclectic memory" because "I pick and choose what I want to remember."

Sheila said that another way we could make someone feel good about themselves was by giving compliments. She went on to say that they have to be genuine otherwise "they'll know you are bullshitting" which made us laugh. Jack said that we have trouble loving ourselves because we know our flaws better than anyone else. He said that it can be a real challenge to recognize our own worth. At this George said "they put me in a special class when I was a kid coz I'm a slow learner." He also said, "I was shy cos I can't talk, but so what if I can't talk." We talked a bit about how self-acceptance involves even embracing our flaws.

As the conversation progressed we talked about how even small things we do can really help another person feel good about themselves. George said that he used to cook or bake a cake for his wife to make her feel good. He said it didn't work which made us laugh. Sheila told us about being homeless and having someone give her a pack of cigarettes and how that really made her feel good. Jack said that he was recently telling someone about how he never got hugged so not only did she hug him but gave him a big fat kiss on the cheek. George said that just that morning Jack had given him a hug and said good morning in a way that made him feel better.

As the conversation moved toward a conclusion Jack said, "I can spout off theories, but have difficulty putting them into practice." We all agreed that it was difficult to put into practice the good things that we think but we also agreed that it was worth the effort and encouraged one another to do our best.

You Can't Go Forward If You're Always Lookin Back

2011-06-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning we talked about the importance of learning to think win/win. This is one of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People according to Stephen Covey. We talked about how it is very easy to get into serious conflict with people and that things can get ugly. Joelle said that sometimes you just "want to kick someone's ass" which made us laugh.

The question was asked to start things off, "what does it mean to think win/win?" On of our new friends said that it meant to think before you act. Joelle said that it meant that you handled a situation in such a way that both people could walk away feeling good about things. Terrence said that he thought it involved having a "championship mentality." He said that you can't always win with a fist fight and that you had to use other resources to achieve your goals.

We talked a bit at this point about what is involved in approaching relationships with a win/win mentality. Joelle said that sometimes you just had to take a step back from the situation. And even though it could be difficult there were times when it was important to not say anything at all so as not to make the situation worse. She went on to say that things can be said that are "hurtful and hateful."

Our friend Carolyn said that it was important to practice forgiveness. She said that she was learning how to let go and let God. She said that it was important to tune things out at times and not let it get under your skin. At this Terrence said that it was important to stay positive. He said, "don't let your enemy bring you down to his level." Carolyn said there was an old saying, "you can't go to heaven with grudges in your heart" which made us laugh.

As we talked about forgiveness Joelle said that in order to think win/win, "I have to be willing to apologize for my actions." This led us to discuss the importance of taking responsibility for our own part in the conflicts we have with others. It is as important to be willing to apologize as it is to forgive. We talked a bit about how we can lock ourselves in the past by constantly rehearsing the things that have hurt us. Joelle told us that "you can't move forward if you're always looking back." Someone else said it would be like walking forward with your head always facing behind you which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion George said, "you don't know what's goin through someone's mind." He said that people on the street have it hard and that we should be compassionate. He said that a person "could have had a toothe ache" which made us laugh. We laughed because George recently had a toothe ache (and complained loudly and incessantly about it!) and had to have a molar removed yesterday. At this Jack said that since people don't generally go around sayin "I got a toothe ache" that the only way to really get to know what people are going through was through genuine friendship.

It Makes Me Feel Good to Make a Jelly Sandwich

2011-06-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

A youth group from Mount Pisgah Academy joined us for our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning. Since the meeting room was too small for our group we moved outside and sat under the shady trees and listened to the city traffic in the background. The Pisgah group told us that they will be travelling around for five weeks this summer just helping out wherever they are needed. They said that "our motto is Yes!" Someone said that they might be sorry for saying that before the day was over which made us laugh.

To begin our conversation we went around the circle and read Romans 12 out loud. At least those with arms long enough or glasses strong enough read it. After this someone said that the chapter talks a lot about being selfless and willing to help others. We were asked to talk about anything that we thought was important about the passage.

Jack said, "I am a doer. If something needs done then that is worship to me." He said that there are many ways that you can help people. He also said that "people will say thank you for something and I don't even remember doing it." Our new friend Joseph said that if you don't love others then how can you say you love God because God is love.

At this point Marney said that in helping others you have to be really strong. She said that unless you are actually helping people in the right way that you can become an enabler of bad behavior. Liz said, "I hate it when people say 'It makes me feel good to help other people.'" She said, "It makes me feel good to make a jelly sandwich but that's not why I do it" which made us laugh. She went on to say that love is not easy and that it is multifaceted and ultimately it is a decision we make. She said that when you help someone it doesn't mean that they are below you because you are helping them.

Our new friend Beth told us that when she started doing these excursions with the Mount Pisgah youth group that she told them that she would work right alongside them. She said that on the first job they were helping clean up a yard that was completely out of control. As they started to work the lady that owned the property brought two chairs and wanted her to sit down and talk while the kids worked. She said it was very hard to just sit there and have a conversation with the woman while the kids did the work. But she realized that sometimes just being with someone is as important as anything else we can do for them.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion our friend Terrence said that no matter what you are going through that God is with you. Our new friend Joseph told us that although it is natural to want to retaliate when someone hurts you that it is possible to love others even when we are mistreated. Although that sounded like a very hard thing to do we also thought it was some deep wisdom from our young friend.

How Do you Spell WERK?

2011-06-20T10:45:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation Friday morning we started with the question, "How do we focus on what is really important in our lives?" It is not always easy to know what is really important and it can be even more challenging to stay focused on the important things. Steven Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People says that we need to learn to put first things first in our lives. We talked about how sometimes the urgent things and the easy things can actually distract us from the really important things.

Jack told us about a saying he had heard that had stuck with him over the years. "The lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part." He said that urgent things are not always as important as they seem.

Sheila told us that after her husband Dave died that she was feeling very sorry for herself and didn't even want to leave her room. She said that a friend had helped her realize the importance of getting back into things even though she didn't like what he said at the time. She told us that by just getting up and coming to the Free Store that her attitude had changed. She also said that she realized that Dave would want her to get on with life.

Joelle said that sometimes the fear of failure can keep us from doing what we know is important. She said that she had been looking for a job for so long that right up until her orientation at Ikea last week she was afraid she wouldn't get the job. She said that it has been so long since she had a job that she asked a co-worker, "How do you spell work? WERK?" which made us laugh. Jack said that ignorance can be a reason that we procrastinate and put off doing the important things. Joelle told us that her dad had pulled money out of an IRA account and it had cost him about $4,200 at tax time and that he realized too late how important it was to be well informed about such decisions.

George said "my mind says I'm wasting my time. I'm 51 and trying to get my GED." He also said he was beginning to realize how important it was for him to get his Driver's License. We talked about how important things do not always give us immediate gratification which makes it harder for us to stay focused on them. Jack said that we had to learn how to prioritize things in order to accomplish what was important. He said that he has a list in his car of eight things that he needs to do today in the order in which he will do them which made us smile.

We talked about how the urgent can often take priority over the important. Someone said that its like when the phone rings and you drop everything else to answer it. The phone call may not be very important but because it is urgent we give it our attention. Joelle said that is why Ikea won't even let their employees carry their cell phones while on the job.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about prioritizing and then staying focused on the things that were really important in our lives. Someone said that we shouldn't let the urgent things or the fun things detract us from doing the important things. Jack said that "all work and no play make Jack a dull boy" which made us laugh. We decided that having fun is just as important as anything else in our lives.

That Bible Study Was Boring

2011-06-17T14:43:00.000-05:00

George Dunn joined us and led our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning. He started by telling us that he wanted to talk about judging people. He said that the bible said a lot about this and that although he wasn't a scholar he had learned some things from experience over the years. He told us that one of the main things Jesus said about it was that we shouldn't judge others because we will be judged by the same standard we use against them.

George went on to tell us that at one time in his life he worked with a very smart group of scientists at Glaxo Pharmaceuticals. He said they were all Ph. D.'s and could be very difficult to work with because they were arrogant and thought they were better than everybody else. But he learned from this that no matter how smart someone is there is always room for improvement.

George told us that at one time he had a very hard time dealing with gays because he grew up with a lot of prejudice. But over the years he started to wonder why he was just singling out this one group of people. He told us that it occurred to him that the bible mentioned a lot of sins that people commit but that we don't go on a crusade against every thing that we find disagreeable. He suggested that maybe we should organize a compaign against "damn liars" because the bible condemns lying which made us laugh.

On of our new friends said it was easy to be judgmental. She said that someone might leave our bible study and say "those people don't know what they are talking about and that bible study was boring." She went on to say that if you only look for the negative that you miss all the good stuff. Our friend George said that "people have been judgin me recently and I've been acceptin it without sayin much." He said that he had been on the streets and done a lot of things in his life and that he tried to have compassion on people.

Someone brought up that bad behavior always looks worse when someone else does it than when we do it ourselves. He said that he can't stand jerks that tailgate his car but then when he tailgates someone else he doesn't see himself as a jerk. Our friend Larry told us about a time someone pulled up really close behind him which made him angry. So he just put his head down and kept going at his own slow speed. He said that he grumbled to himself all the way to the stop sign but that when he looked back the car had turned off and was nowhere to be seen. This made us laugh as we realized that judging others can actually have a more negative effect on us than on the person we are judging.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion one of our new friends said that we can be very harsh and judgmental about people in the things we say. He also said that if you dig a ditch you have to careful because you could very well fall into it yourself.

If You Want It and Need It Just Do It

2011-06-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we talked about the importance of will power to effect positive change in our lives. This is one of the key ideas in Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. He says that effective self-management requires that we learn to proactively take responsibility for our lives and to use the power of our will to do it.

We started the conversation by talking about the difference between wanting and willing. Sheila said that she knew what it was like to "want something, really want want it" which made us laugh. She said that she had actually wanted her deceased husband Dave to come back and appear to her and hold her again. Rick said that "wanting is dreaming" and "willing is doing" which made a lot of sense. George said that he knew something about will power because "you gotta have will power to cut seven yards in 3 1/2 hours in the heat of the day." We agreed that there are many things that we may want but only a few of our wants become reality because we don't will them into existence.

Sheila said that when it comes right down to it "let's see if you're lazy or what." We talked about how we may want something, and need something, but ultimately nothing happens if we don't will it and do it. We think Nike got it right with their slogan, "Just Do It." Sheila said that she wanted and needed to exercise but that she just kept putting it off. She also said that when Dave died she just didn't want to do nothing but friends encouraged her to get out of the house and start living again. She said that it made her feel better to get out and do stuff even though it was hard.

Our friend Donald said that he was glad I had kept my promise and taken him out for lunch at Showmars on Thursday. Although we weren't sure how that fit in we thanked Donald for taking part in the conversation. He also told us that he feels like giving up at times but doesn't because of his faith in God and "cos I believe the bible." We encouraged Donald to never give up because his life mattered no matter how bad he felt.

At this point we talked about the fact that we have the power of will which means that we ultimately create our own lives. The life that we create for ourselves ultimately has an effect on others. At this George said that he had recently seen his step daughter who he had helped raise for a while when she was little. He said that she has a job now and six kids and it makes him feel good to think that his influence had helped her as she became an adult.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about how it might be difficult to exercise our will power to make positive changes but that it is well worth the effort. Someone said it is like having to push a car that has run out of gas. Rick said that when he was a young man that he had an Austin Healy 3000 and that "I pushed it more than I drove it" which made us laugh. It is an amazing thing to realize that the human will has the power to put life in motion.

Peace, Love, and Marijuana

2011-06-10T13:02:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us on Thursday morning and asked, "Did anybody ever read Yoder?" Curtis said, "Yes but he was killed with a light saber" which made some of us to laugh. Someone said that they could see what kind of a conversation this was going to be.

George told us that he wanted to talk about the importance of having a fruitful life. He said that he had learned a while back that a person is not defined by their rhetoric or theology but by the kind of life that they live. He went on to say that faith is not about rewards and punishments in a future life but that the good news is that we can all have an abundant life in the present.

We talked a bit about how the abundant life is not about presenting a certain image but is rather the outgrowth of our character, our deepest selves. Someone said that fruit may look good on the outside but can be rotten within. Joelle said that when she was a kid that they used to eat crab apples. She said, "It's like we ate those things thinking the taste would change" which made us laugh. George said that his 27 year old son used to call kids that looked like skateboarders but didn't know anything about it "posers." His son had wanted to be a professional skater before he was injured. He said that if kids didn't know what a 360 kick flip was he knew that they weren't real skaters.

George said that we all go through seasons of fruitfulness and barrenness in our lives. He said that what really mattered in life was a character based on qualities like love, joy, peace, patience, generosity and things like that. He said that those things define a person far more than what we see from the outside. At this Curtis showed us a hat that George had given him that he wears all the time and that we think makes him look like a smaller version of the professional wrestler known as The Undertaker. Curtis said that he loved that hat and was grateful that George had given it to him. Our friend Marney said that for her it was important to give cheerfully in order for it to be productive.

As the conversation moved toward a conclusion Curtis said that you know when you have been given a gift. He said that one of his gifts was compassion. He told us that he had helped two couples just last evening that were having some relationship problems. One of the couples had told him, "you make us feel better." At this Joelle said that she couldn't sleep last night and found herself watching Woodstock The Movie at around 3:00 am. She said it was the perfect example of diverse people coming together in peace and love to support each other. George added that it might also have had something to do with the marijuana which made us laugh.

Gotta Serve Somebody

2011-06-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

Carlos joined us for our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning and said that we were going to begin a study of the biblical book of Romans. Joelle noticed that this book was actually a letter written to the Romans. At this Carlos asked us, "Where did the Romans live?" After an awkward pause Rick looked at Carlos with a quizzically disdainful look and said, "In Rome" which made us laugh.

Somehow this led to a bit of a discussion about different cultures. Carlos said that Rome was in Italy and that a culture is really just a system that structures our lives. At this I talked about my Italian friend Sergio who likes to gives man hugs and to kiss on the cheek which always makes me uncomfortable. Our friend Eddie said that in South Carolina they would build back yard bonfires. He said that in Clover where he is from that people would build bonfires on each side of the street and just go from house to house like a big family party.

At this point Carlos brought us back to Romans and said that the letter was written by a guy named Paul. We talked about how at one time Paul had been persecuting christians but then became one himself. Someone said that we would call a person like that a religious fanatic or terrorist today.

Carlos pointed out that Paul referred to himself as a slave of Jesus. He said that slavery was very negative from our point of view but that ultimately we are all slaves to something or another it's just a question if we have a good master or not. He said that we could be a slave of Bank of America and do whatever they told us just for a paycheck. At this Rick mentioned the lyric of a Bob Dylan song, "you're gonna have to serve somebody" which made us smile.

"You may be a construction worker working on a home
You may be living in a mansion or you might live in a dome
You might own guns and you might even own tanks
You might be somebody’s landlord, you might even own banks

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed
You’re gonna have to serve somebody
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody"

Our friend George said, "I ain't never been a slave, but I been locked up. I don't like nobody tellin me when to eat and sleep. I like to eat when I want and do what I want" which made us laugh.

We talked a bit at this point about how Paul was sent by God on a mission and that he had a purpose in life. Our friend Joelle said that Paul was an entrepreneur because he did something that nobody else was doing at the time. Eddie said that last year after his wife died that he had a warrant out on him so he turned himself in and served his time. He told us that he then went to live with his dad but got thrown out and ended up here in Charlotte. He said, "I'm pointed in the right direction now but just have to figure out what to do."

Carlos suggested that the key to finding our purpose in life was finding freedom from the things that held us back. He said that we all have desires that if not controlled can lead us astray. At this Eddie told us about his tattoos which mean, "I'm half alive, half dead." On the right side of his body he has tattoos that symbolize witchcraft and paganism and things that he used to do that got him into trouble. On the left side where his heart is he has the symbol of a dove and the serenity prayer which he finds inspiring.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion someone mentioned a sermon by Tony Campolo, a popular Baptist preacher. The sermon is titled, "It's Friday but Sunday's Comin" and reminds us that no matter how difficult things may be that our lives matter and that God is with us and things do get better. No matter how deep the shit we can always shovel our way out of it.

You Can't Just Half-Ass Ask

2011-06-08T13:36:00.000-05:00

Our lively cougar friend Liz joined us for our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning and said she had been thinking about a verse in the biblical book of James the last couple of days. However, before we got that far into the conversation our friend Jack had said, "I've been married for 45 years. I think it's gonna last" which had us laughing.

To begin the conversation Liz actually read James 1:2-8 and said that the thing that stuck out for her was the phrase in verse 5 that says God gives wisdom "to all without finding fault." Liz said, "There are things that I do that aren't very wise." At this Jack said, "Don't we all" which made us smile.  Liz went on to tell us that she didn't always spend money wisely, or make very good food choices, or handle relationships very well. And she said that we might begin to think that we have to deserve wisdom.  However, she said that the reality is that wisdom is there for us, right there for the taking if we ask for it. But she said that "you can't just half-ass ask God for wisdom" which we thought was both clever and very funny. At this point Liz asked us to share our thoughts on the passage she had read or the thoughts she had presented.

Jack raised the question about why we want wisdom. He thought there would be an important distinction between wanting wisdom to do things for God or just to do things for yourself. This led Marney to talk about how she felt she needed a lot of wisdom in dealing with her children. She said that her oldest son Marco goes through depression and that she fears he will either die or go to jail because of the way he is acting. She talked about how she could be overbearing and take charge which is something that she sees in her mom and doesn't like. At this point Eddie mentioned the Serenity Prayer and Mickey said, "I know that prayer."  Both of them then said together but not quite in unison, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." We talked about how wisdom is knowing the difference between the things we have control over and the things we don't and learning to focus only on the things we can control.

Jack said that although people definitely get old they don't necessarily get wise.  He said that wisdom consists in learning over time what not to do. He went on to say that we learn this either by personally paying the price or seeing someone else pay it. Our friend Eddie said, "I look at things my momma and daddy did" and learn from their mistakes. He also said that small things can make a big difference, even something like picking a flower for your wife. He said, "wisdom is choosing an action that helps you out in the long run." Marney told us about a decision she made at one point to spend money on a rather expensive dessert at Amelies rather than putting gas in her car. She said that wisdom tells her that "since I'm on a fixed income, don't eat at Amelies" which made us laugh. She went on to claim (without any hard evidence) that she had first had these expensive and delicious treats at the Free Store.

Athis point our friend Liz said that a lot of her personal trials came from wanting to be in control. She said that her friend Jamie had told her recently to make a list of everything that was bothering her in some way and then to cross out everything that she didn't have control over. Liz said the list got much smaller as she crossed things out but that she felt better focusing on the few things she could do something about. Eddie said that rather than do something half-assed or halfway that we should do things through and through to get better results.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion our friend George said that he had learned to walk away from trouble because he didn't want to end up dead or back in jail. Our friend Donald said that people in the place he was livin were smokin and drinkin every night. He said that he didn' want to do this coz of his faith in God and what the bible said. So we encouraged Donald to keep making wise decisions and taking responsiblity for his own life.

I Found My Life

2011-06-07T14:44:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we continued discussing the importance of taking the long view of our lives. In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People Stephen Covey refers to this as beginning with the end in mind. If we have a clear picture of what we want our lives to look like at the end then we essentially have a roadmap for the things we will want to focus on doing from day to day.

We talked about how important it is to take effective actions that will actually produce the kind of life that we want. Someone said that since we are created in the image of God that we have the power to create as well. And the first and most important thing we create is our own life. To blame others for our lives is to essentially give our creative power away and to take a passive role as a helpless victim.

One of our friends said that recently he had imagined himself coming back from the future and giving advice to himself. He said, "I thought about it and it came to me that rather than wait for the future I needed to do something now." So he started taking his vitamin supplements and said he was feeling better.

We talked about how success and failure are both created in the mind before they become a reality in our lives. Somone said that if you think you are gonna lose that you probably will. Sheila said that "you gotta have a plan." Someone said that if you want to build a house you don't just grab the hammer and start nailing things together which made us laugh. Instead you think about what you want and draw up a plan that can turn your desire into a reality.

A new friend said that he had been out of work and looking for a job to provide for his family. He told us that he started meeting with a group for intercessory prayer at 5:00 am every morning even though he wasn't sure it would help. But he got an interview at Bob Evans and got the job. He went on to say that "if you want something in your life, you have to put forth some effort." At this our friend Donald said that he often thought about giving up because he had to really struggle to keep going. He told us that he often felt like nobody cared about him. This led us to discuss how our thoughts can either lift us up or bring us down. We talked about the importance of not letting negative circumstances press us into a negative way of thinking.

At this point our new friend Earl said that on Wednesday he got up and walked from the uptown men's shelter to Labor Ready at 3:00 am in the morning. He kept thinking as he walked, "I wish I had a bike." When he got to Labor Ready to report for work to the chicken factory they told him that they could not accept the copy of the social security card that he had with him but that they had to have the card itself which did not have. With a big smile on his face Earl said that on the walk back uptown that he met a guy with a truck full of stuff and upon learning of his situation the man gave him a bike.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion our friend Mark said that he had filled out job applications for a full month and had been getting depressed. He told us that at one point he didn't think anybody was there to help him but he was beginning to realize that help was there. He said that he had decided to admit himself into a treatment program. At this someone said that God says, "Fear not, I've got your back." He said that he had overcome a crack addiction and had survived liver disease.

Our friend Stephen said that he was realizing that "life is not about me" and that in accepting that reality he said, "I found my life."

I'm a Big Turd

2011-06-03T15:52:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning (after lamenting that there were no donuts because our friend George Dunn had a scheduling conflict and couldn't be with us!) we continued talking about the importance of beginning with the end in mind. This is the second habit in Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.

The question was asked, "What is a habit?" Mark said it's something you don't even realize you are doing. We talked about how a habit is something that we do regularly and repeatedly. And it is the habitual and repeated things that we do that add up to the sum of our lives.  So to begin with the end of our lives in mind and think about how we want people to remember us gives us a roadmap to the things we will want to focus on from day to day.

At this point our friend Danielle came in and told us that her friend Antwon Smith had been shot in the head and died on Saturday night. She told us that he was 29 and his nickname was "Ruckus." There was speculation that a new gang in Charlotte called New Jack City Boys were responsible. The shooting took place on Saturday night after the events downtown known locally as Speedstreet. It was sobering to realize the tragic effects of unresolved conflicts and gang violence in our world.

As the conversation turned back to the habit of beginning with the end in mind we talked about how our habits are rooted in our self-paradigms or the images that we hold of ourselves. It came up that our self-image can either be based on our weaknesses or rooted in our strengths. We briefly looked at a story in the Hebrew bible in Numbers 14. In this story some spies went into a foreign territory and brought back a scouting report. Basically they said that the people were giants and that they felt like "grasshoppers" in comparison.  Someone said that negative thoughts lead to negative actions and small thinking leads to small living. This led us to talk about ways that we underestimate ourselves, beat ourselves up, and focus on our weaknesses.

Mark said that he had several friends that still had businesses and when he compared himself to them he felt bad. He told us that when he saw one of those guys in a Mercedes he thought to himself, "I'm a big turd" which made us laugh. He said that sometimes when you are down you just feel like saying, "To hell with it all." George said that when he went to prison in 1982 he felt very small in comparison to all the big muscle bound guys in there. He also said that people used to call him slow poke which made him feel bad about himself. He told us that his brother "the smart one got killed." He went on to say that he now realized that he was talented in other ways like in his art and his drawins. Sheila said that sometimes she thought to herself, "I wish I was skinnier." She also said that when you are feeling bad about yourself it makes you afraid to even go out and do anything.

At this point we turned the conversation toward another story in the bible about a guy named Joseph. Joseph had a couple of dreams when he was seventeen years old. We talked about how our dreams can get crushed as we go through life but that they can always be rekindled. Basically in the symbolism of his dreams Joseph saw his eleven brothers and his father and mother bowing down to him.  Mark said he should have probably kept those dreams to himself which made us laugh. We talked about how a positive vision of personal worth and value can get us through the tough times and challenging circumstances that we go through.

The question came up about how we can develop a more positive self-image if we tend to see ourselves in a more negative way? Sheila said it was important to get around people that are positive. Mark said it was important to remember that God don't make no junk. He said that as he got to know other homeless guys at the shelter that he was learning that you can't always see what is inside from their appearance. Sheila told us about someone she knew on the street that was tough and cursed a lot but when she got to know her that the woman was very sweet and kind. She said that to really get to know people you have to shut up and listen which made us laugh.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion our friend Terrence said that it was important to depend on God's Spirit in order to stay out of the negative cesspool of rap music and drugs. Mark said that sometimes when he looked at the big picture of being homeless and jobless it was overwhelming. He said his counselor told him to take nibbles and to just do one little positive thing at a time. George agreed and said that working on getting his driver's license and his GED were taking time but would be worth the effort. He also said that God puts angels in our path which sounded like good news to all of us.

Tarot Readings at the Area 15 Tattoo Revolution

2011-06-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning we started by talking a bit with George Hunt about his recent visit to his hometown in South Carolina. George told us that he left in 1995 after his mom died and hadn't been back or had any contact with family and friends there since that time. We also learned that George had been a missing person as one of his aunts had reported him missing to the police at some point after he disappeared. He was beaming as he showed us pictures that were taken of his happy reunion. When asked how the day was he said, "It was a 10" which made us laugh.

At this point Carlos said that he wanted us to look at a story in the New Testament in Acts 16. He said this study was in honor of the Tarot Card readings of our friend Curtis at the Tattoo Revolution event on Saturday, May 21 at Area 15. The story is basically about a slave girl that is forced by her owners into fortune telling for profit. Carlos said that fortune-telling was also mentioned in Galatians 5.16 as one of the works of the sinful nature. Unfortunately Curtis wasn't with us to talk about his perspective on the issue and since no one had much to say on it we moved on.

Somehow we got on the topic of the confederate flag and Jack said that the South is the only place in the world that the loser can fly their flag. We found this entertaining even though we weren't sure how it fit into the discussion. At this point Sheila looked at Carlos holding his well worn bible and said, "You're falling apart" which made us laugh. Realizing that we had strayed greatly from our topic Carlos patiently re-directed us to Galatians 5.16.

Carlos asked us if we had felt the conflict in ourselves between the Spirit of God and the sinful nature? In response someone brought up the importance of self-control which seemed to touch a nerve and sparked a lively conversation. Joelle said that self-control was one of the biggest things that she struggled with. Jack said that self-control is at the basis of breaking all 10 commandments because in every case it comes down to selfishness or taking something that doesn't belong to us whether from God or others. Joelle said this was because we always want the easy way when it comes to getting what we want. Sheila said that it really hurts when someone takes something from you. She also said that it felt better when you know you are working for what you get.

Carlos reminded us that self-control was a gift from God and that we had nothing to boast about when comparing ourselves to those that might not have much self-control. In response to Sheila bringing up that Rick's drinking was a real problem and that it bothered her Carlos said to her, "All of us will take a crack at you next" which made us laugh. From the look on Sheila's face she seemed genuinely concerned that we were going to start picking on her bad habits which we also found very amusing.

At this point someone said that we can't really credit God totally with self-control because it is "self" control which made us laugh. He went on to say although selfishness gets a bad press in religious circles that there is always at least 50 percent self-interest in everything we do. In fact, Jesus used love of self as the base line and yard stick for love of others. We talked a bit about how we can't even love others properly if we don't know to love ourselves in a healthy way.

As the conversation moved to a close Sheila said "I lost Dave two months ago today." She said that she regretted the time that they fought at a hotel and she left and didn't go back to get him. She went on to say that when she was little she didn't like men because she was abused by her father and brother. She told us that it took her eighteen years of marriage to finally open up to her first husband Carl and let him in totally. At this Joelle said that she and Sheila were being very therapeutic to each other. Sheila said, "I'm a lot stronger now. I used to drink every night, now I don't." Overall it was a lively, honest, raw, and yet ultimately encouraging conversation.

Stephen Covey Habits Meet Stephen King Horror

2011-06-01T13:45:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about the importance of beginning with the end in mind. This is actually the second principle in Stephen Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. The idea here is that we need to understand our core values so that we can begin to build the kind of life that we want to be remembered for when we get to the end of life.

We started our conversation with a little visualization exericise in which we imagined attending the funeral of someone that we loved very much. We imagined going to the funeral home and entering the room where the service would be held and hearing the soft music and feeling the collective love of those gathered. We visualized ourselves seeing the crowd of family, friends, and co-workers as we moved toward the casket to pay our final respects. As we looked down into the coffin we imagined what it would be like to see ourselves laying there.

George said this was kind of spooky like something out of a Stephen King horror movie which made us laugh. We then reflected on what we would want people to say about us at our funeral. We talked about how we would want to be remembered by those we leave behind. Our friend Terrence said that he would like someone to say, "He was a good man." He also told us that he would like to be remembered as someone that gave people something. He also said he wanted to be known as a christian and that he would want his life to give the hope of salvation.

Sheila said that she would like to be remembered as a caring and loving person that had helped homeless people and taken them into her home. George said that he wanted to be remembered as a good artist. He also wanted someone to talk about how although he had a hard time and went to prison that he had changed and done something with his life. We talked about how in order to be remembered in the ways that we wanted would require that we live according to our deepest values.

If we want people to remember us as a good man or a loving woman then we need to practice goodness and demonstrate love in our lives. I shared with the group that if I wanted people to talk about me as a great athlete I'd better start seriously training. George said I'd better get started right away which made us laugh. Sheila said, "I want to get back to the gym." George also said that you just can't jump on your art. He said that it takes time and practice to do a good drawing. So we were realizing that by knowing how we wanted to be remembered we were identifying the core values that we wanted to put into practice every day of our lives.

At this point we switched gears a bit and talked about negative role models. George said, "I don' wanna be like my daddy. He was lazy." Sheila said she did not want to be like her father either because he was a twenty-four hour drunk that would beat them up. It was very sobering to realize that we could leave very negative and painful memories as the mark of our lives. George then told us about his brother who died at twenty-one years old when he was hit over the head, robbed of $3,000, and thrown on the train tracks and run over by a train.

As the conversation moved to a conclusion someone said that when he died he wanted people to say that he had inspired them in some way. George said that he had recently seen his neice's son and that the boy was working out and drawing because of his positive influence.

Eddie and the Rolling Stones

2011-05-31T09:53:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us for our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning and talked about Psalm 23. However, before we got started someone asked him what he had been thinking recently and he looked at Rick munching away on a McDonald's breakfast and said, "I wonder if it is a sin to steal that bisquit?" which made us laugh.

George told us that when he was a kid his dad made him memorize some of the Psalms and if he refused he was grounded. He told us that his dad has passed away this week and it had made him think of Psalm 23.  George went on to say that he used to think that if he followed the Lord that he wouldn't want anything because he would have everything he wanted. After some decades of life he now realized that simply wasn't true. He said that when he was a boy he remembered a story called "Gimme the Gummy" about a boy that always said gimme. So a magic fairy put a spell on the boy so that every time he said gimme whatever he wanted stuck to his body. We laughed as George described and as we imagined how that story ended.

George told us that he had learned through the years not to want too much. We talked about how being satisfied and having freedom from wanting too much can be very important life skills. At this point our friend Eddie started singing the first line of the Rolling Stones song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want."  Eddie's vocal rendition was far from the Mick Jagger wail but he made the point and also made us laugh. Someone else quoted without singing the rest of the lyric, "And if you try sometime you find you get what you need" which gave us a great deal of pleasure.

George went on to tell us that at one point in his life when he was facing death that suddenly people became "numero uno in my life."  Someone said, "I can still be happy without things." Another friend said, "Not everybody can be rich but everybody can be happy." This led us to talk about how our primary relationships are the most valuable things in life and have the potential to bring more happiness than anything else.

At this point George told us about a survey of people in nursing homes in which they were asked two questions: 1.) What is your worst fear? 2.) What is your most important possession? To the first question a majority responded, "Dying alone" and to the second question, "My photographs." This led us to talk about how the most important things in life are the memories we create with the people we love. George said, "I want to make good memories everyday."

As our conversation moved to a conclusion our friend Marney said that this was just what she needed to hear. She said emphatically, "I want a phone" which made us laugh. She told us that she had been looking for a cell phone and although Cricket was gonna give her one for free she "had this great drive" to buy one. She said that as she listened to the conversation she realized that somehow what she needed was the very thing she was gonna get. Although we weren't exactly sure what that meant it sounded like there was some mysterious Mick Jagger wisdom hidden in it.

Carlos, Carrots, and Train Crossings

2011-05-26T21:08:00.000-05:00

Carlos joined us for our free store conversation on Wednesday morning but rather than lead us in a discussion as he normally does he showed us how to make carrot juice using the juicer he is letting us use. Surprisingly it took about twenty pounds of carrots to make what might have amounted to about a gallon of juice. We decided that it would take some real committment to do this because it is a very time intensive activity. Although we made it available to everyone that was there not all our friends were willing to try it. Overall, it was a fun experience and we enjoyed being able to try something new and being able to scratch "juicing" off of our bucket list.

Our friend George Hunt told us that he had recently lost a good friend by the name of Kathy Jordan. Kathy was fifty-four years old and was killed May 1 while crossing the train tracks in northeast Charlotte. She was struck by an Amtrak train carrying 126 passengers from Raleigh to Charlotte. George was very familiar with the spot where the accident happened as he used to hang out with Kathy in that part of the city.

George went on to tell us that he met Kathy while he was working with Labor Ready, a temporary job company. He said that he was holdin the sign and she was drivin the truck when she stopped and asked him if he had a girlfriend. She told him that he 'was a good lookin man" which made us laugh. George had a big grin on his face while telling this story and we all got much enjoyment from it and it also gave us more to tease him about through the day.

George said that it was suspicious that she was killed at a railroad crossing. He went on to say, "I don't believe nobody cares about a homeless person that is killed." However, it must have looked a bit suspcious because the newspaper reported that the police were investigating and looking for witnesses that might have seen what happened. It was sobering to realize that in our world some lives are valued more than others.

As our conversation moved to a close we talked about how short and brief life is. Someone said since time is short that makes it something very precious which is why every hour, every minute, and ultimately every second of life is important. Although none of us knew Kathy except our friend George her life managed to impact us in a very real and personal way as we talked about her death. It is quite powerful to recognize that the death of a single person impoverishes the world of the living. Ultimately, it is very encouraging to realize that there really are no insignificant lives or unimportant people.

God Loves Even the Fifth Sparrow

2011-05-25T14:09:00.000-05:00

Our friend Gary joined us for our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning. Before he got started with the conversation someone remembered that he had run over some toes in an incident with a remote controlled monster truck the last time he was with us. Although Gary apologized for any offense he had given not everyone was convinced of his sincerity. So we teased him and laughed a bit before letting him start the discussion.

Gary began by asking us if we had ever really looked at a one dollar bill? He pointed out that there were spider webs on it and then asked us if we knew where the spider was. Eddie jumped up excitedly and rushed to the dollar in question and said that he had seen it which made us laugh. As it turns out there is a spider at the right top of the bill on the side with Washington's head. Gary said he was pretty sure this was done to make the bills more difficult to counterfeit although he wasn't sure if dollar bills were the target of many counterfeiters. At this point he asked us to think about all the things in life and to ask, "What is counterfeit?" and "What is genuine?"

We talked about how we can be deceived by our senses and that there is a world beyond our senses that is even more real than the world we sense around us. Eddie said that his grandmother used to tell him, "Don't believe nuthin that you hear, and only half of what you see" which made us laugh. Gary said that it is easy for us to be fooled by our senses. He talked about how ad agencies will use the method of bait and switch to sell us stuff. This happens when a car is advertised with good looking models which gives us the impression that we will look like that by driving their vehicle.

At this point in the conversation someone said that some things can only be known by their effects. We don't see the wind but we know it by its effects in the world. This led someone to mention the devastating tornados in Joplin, MO. Our friend Eddie said that a blind person could often sense things that other people couldn't.

Gary told us that God's love was genuine and that we were loved just because we exist. He told us that authentic love is unconditional and that we can't earn it or do anything to either make God love us more or to stop loving us. He mentioned that God cared about us enough to count the hairs on our heads. At this someone said that wouldn't be too hard in Gary's case which made us laugh. Gary went on to say that Jesus also talked about God's love even for the fifth sparrow. He said that in the ancient world two sparrows were sold for a penny and that five sparrows were sold for two pennies. Essentially the fifth sparrow was thrown in to sweeten the deal and had no real value at all. He said that if God loves even the fifth sparrow then surely God loves us which we thought was both clever and encouraging.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about how authentic love is the most important thing in our lives. Someone said they had heard about a Cowboy church in Texas that meets in a saloon. At this Eddie stood up excitedly again and said that he had been to that church and that the preacher speaks from a mechanical bull in the center of the floor. At this our friend that started the story said that he heard a clip of a sermon in which the cowboy preacher says, "There ain't no real bull in this place. This is a no bull church that preaches a no bull gospel" which made us laugh. Our friend Liz said that she thought it was just beautiful to realize that we can't do anything for God's love except be who we are. That sounded very much like good news to all of us.

I'm Not Gonna Sit on My Butt and Do Nothin

2011-05-24T08:20:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we continued talking about what it means to take responsiblity for our own lives. We started the conversation with a reference to Jesus' statement that if you ask you will receive, if you seek you will find, and if you knock the door will be opened. It is interesting that in every case the action taken is effective in getting a desired result. This led us to talk about the importance, not just of being proactive, but of taking effective action that makes a positive difference in our lives.

The question was asked about the most valuable thing we had ever lost? Sheila said that she had lost her mind which made us laugh. Our friend Debbie said that she had lost her keys. So we talked about what is involved in an effective search for something that is lost. We decided that it involves retracing our steps and looking in the most likely places which means that effective action is not random but purposeful in some way.

At this point the conversation turned to the question about what effective actions we had taken that had improved our lives in some way and made us feel good about ourselves. Sheila told us that when she lived in Phoenix, AZ that she would take daily bike rides with her grandfather. She said that "we talked about things and spent lots of time together and became very close." A new friend said that she used to go out of her way to help a lot of her friends that were users but that she had to start saying no to them. She said that it wasn't easy but that she felt better about herself and was realizing that she wasn't helping her friends by always doing what they wanted her to do. We talked a bit about how effective action involves learning to distinguish between building positive mutually supportive relationships with other people as opposed to just being manipulated by them.

Our friend Terrence said that he had stopped blaming other people for his problems. He said that at one point he just decided, "I'm not gonna sit on my butt and do nothin just because someone else did what they did to me." He said that it can be a vicious cycle if we don't take positive action for ourselves. He told us that he had decided that to pursue his education he had to separate from people that were holding him back. We talked about how effective action is often difficult because our friends and family might not always understand the changes we are making in our lives.

George told us that a thousand things had changed for him in the last couple of years. He said that when he first went to prison he started working out with one houndred pounds but after a couple of years he was bench pressin about five hundred pounds. George told us that he looked good and that his girl friend told him that he was "gettin big" which made us laugh and of course we had to tease him for a while about those remarks. He also said that he felt good about working on his GED after he had given up on it for a while. This led us to talk about how effective action has to be done consistently rather than just sporadically in order to achieve the positive results that we can feel good about.

One of our new friends said that she thought we were all doin somethin positive because "we're not sittin around waitin for doomsday at 6:00pm" which made us laugh. This led us to talk about how some peope were expecting the world to end later in the day. Someone said that we have direct control of some things, indirect control of others, and no control of yet other things. We decided since the end of the world isn't something we could control it didn't make much sense to worry about it. We laughed when someone said that if you have to change what you're doing because the world is about to end you probably shouldn't be doin that anyway.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion someone mentioned the Michael Jackson song, "Man in the Mirror" with these penetrating lyrics:

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change

Our friend George said that all of us have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. He told us that "you gotta make a choice." That seemed like a good place to end a discussion on the importance of taking effective action to make positive changes in our lives.

Learning to Live in the Circle of Influence

2011-05-23T08:15:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we continued talking about the importance of taking responsibility for our own lives. In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey refers to this as being proactive rather than just reacting to things that happen to us. In order to become proactive we need to learn how to distinguish between things in our circle of concern and things in our circle of influence.

The group was asked to share something that they were concerned about. Although Sheila was hesitant at first she said that she was concerned about her friend Rick's drinking. She said that when he drank too much that it "makes me tense" and that since she is a truthful person she tells him that it bothers her. She felt that Rick tends to hold things in even though he would talk about it at times. She went on to say that his drinking scared her because everytime she got close to someone they died and she is afraid that he is going to die as well. As we talked about this for a bit it became clear that although Sheila was concerned about Rick's drinking and ultimately his health that this was not something that she could control. And although there are many things that concern us it is counterproductive to spend too much time in our circle of concern. To be proactive requires that we focus on things we have power to control. We talked about how Sheila might be able to do something to control the tension she feels when Rick drinks and that could give her more of a sense of power than trying to change something that she couldn't.

At this point our friend Eddie said that his friends were concerned about him getting enough sleep. He said, "I'll get plenty of sleep when I die," which made laugh. He also said that life is short and that you don't know when you're gonna die. He said that unlike players in the MLB, NBA, and NFL, we don't have a contract with life. We talked about how our sleep patterns can be something that we have control over but we don't have any power over death. So although our death is in our circle of concern it is not in our circle of influence.

Donald said that "sometimes I feel like I'm gonna die. I feel like my heart is gonna stop beatin and I won't see my friends no more." He said that he didn't want to drink and do like his other friends did. He said that in the past, "I took a hammer to the walls and tore up the house." He also said that he didn't like white people and would tell them to "kiss my ass" even though he knew it was wrong. We talked about how Donald had no power over death but that he could do something effective to deal with his anger and his racial prejudices. George said that it helped to read the Bible when he felt afraid because it could make you feel better. He also said that at one time he had given up on getting his GED and said, "shit on it, to hell with it" but through the encouragement of friends like Julie and Jack he got motivated again. He said that sometimes it takes a little help. Eddie said that it helped him to read a good book.

We talked about how important it is to function in our circle of influence rather than spending time spinning our wheels in our circles of concern. Just because we are concerned about something doesn't mean that we have any power over it. It is far better to focus on the things that we have the power to change.

As our conversation moved toward a conclusion George said, "I used to judge homeless people." But he felt more compassion for people now. He said he realized that it was especially hard for a woman to be on the streets. He told us that he used to have a mean, hard heart but that he had changed over the last couple of years and felt better about himself. We teased George that he was just a softy at heart and told him that his beautiful art reflected the beauty that was in his own soul.

What Keeps Me Goin

2011-05-19T15:27:00.023-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us on Thursday morning for our Free Store conversation and said that he had been thinking about construction. He said his ideas took shape initially as he was noticing some big cracks on the walls of the basement of a house he was looking at. He suggested that it would take a certain kind of knowledge to be able to determine if any of those cracks signified a fatal flaw in the foundation.

We talked about how every person and every religion has a foundation. That foundation could be a book or an idea or even a person. George said that it is very important to examine our foundation to know if it will support what we are building in our lives. The question was asked, "Are the foundations secure?" Someone said that we need to carefully look at what we believe to determine if there was something deep within us that was broken.

Someone said they had a sister that believed that everyone was basically good and nice until she had an experience with a very bad person which made her rethink her assumption. George told us that over the years he had to re-evaluate many things he had once believed. He said that at one point in his life, "everything came second to my job" but he had discovered that relationships were far too important to sacrifice for work. Someone mentioned the Harry Chapin song, "Cat's in the Cradle" that illustrates the sad effects of putting work over family and relationships.

George also said that at one time in his life he was very patriotric and believed that America was the good guy in world history. Then he read the book, "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" which recounts the displacement and slaughter of Native Americans by the US government in the late nineteenth century American West. He said that book opened his eyes to a reality that caused him to queston his former belief and develop a new perspective.

At this point the question was asked about what beliefs or ideas were so foundational in our lives that they gave us stability and strength when everything else seemed insecure and uncertain? I told the group that I thought that life is beautiful and that regardless of how things appear on the surface there is a real glory in the human soul. From what we could understand we think our friend Donald said that he believed in God and in his friends at the free store even though we are white which made us smile.

Our friend George Hunt told us that when he was in prison he drew strength from his art and learning new techniques for drawing. He also said that he worked out a lot and could bench press five hundred pounds at one point which we found quite impressive. Rick said that he was haunted by his past when he was rich but said, "I try to forget that and keep going because I've got new friends now." He said that although he had lost a family he had also gained a new one and that he was happy where he was at now.

Our friend Liz said that she tried to keep in mind that everything has a purpose. She said that even little things that seemed bad don't happen without good reason. She told us that even though it might not feel like it when we are going through tough things that God does love us and is always working for our good. Mickey said that he likes to make people smile and that from what he knew it took more muscles to frown than it did to smile. Although we didn't know enough about facial anatomy to know if that was correct it did make us smile.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion George Dunn said that something that was foundational for him was that he could always talk to God and friends which had a way of helping even if there were no easy answers or solutions. Our friend Janice said, "What keeps me goin is that though I'm not where I wanna be, I'm not where I used to be." She told us that on May 17 she had celebrated being clean for twenty-seven years. At this we all applauded and made celebratory noises that somehow made us feel better and more alive.

The Me Plant

2011-05-19T12:43:00.000-05:00

Carlos joined us in our Wednesday morning Free Store conversation and led us through the final verses in the book of Galatians. He started the conversation by telling us that ultimately people were all equal and there was no need for a hierarchy between people. We talked about how the best relationships are those in which there is a mutual giving and receiving. As we discussed the importance of positive relationships George said that you can be hangin around the wrong crowd which will get you in trouble.

At this point Carlos said that we tend to reap what we sow in life. He said that we can plant things like greed and anger which lead to pain and misery or we can plant love and courage which lead to peace and life. He went on to say that it is not good if we only live to please ourselves and cultivate the "Me Plant" which made us laugh. Someone asked, "What is the difference between pleasing myself and loving myself?" We talked about how loving ourselves doesn't mean doing everything and anything that we want. Carlos said that it is like kids that may just want to eat doritos and candy. At this Sheila said, "you got to eat more than junk" which made us laugh. Carlos said that you have to learn to love yourself in a healthy way.

We talked about how important it is to know the right way to love ourselves. Someone said that generally things that don't require much effort also don't return much of a reward. Exercise is hard work but it is very rewarding when done consistently. Loving ourselves might actually mean doing hard and difficult things at times which might not be very pleasing in the short term but will payoff big down the road a way.

Our conversation took a turn at this point and we sort of circled back to talking about hierarchies which elevate some people over others. Carlos made us laugh by talking about how it would be if plumbers would elevate themselves over other people and demand that we serve them. He said that this would be a failure to recognize that plumbing is meant to serve human beings and not human beings to serve plumbing. Admittedly this was a rather strange analogy but we did have fun with it. Rick seemed to enjoy it a great deal as he is the resident plumber and has had to unclog the free store toilet many times.

We talked about how people often elevate themselves over others and take power from others. Someone mentioned a lyric in a Black Sabbath song called "Heaven and Hell" that says, "The world is full of kings an queens that blind your eyes and steal your dreams." Jack said that you don't even have to be the head honcho but can enjoy just being part of the power structure. This led us to talk about how we have to be aware of the mechanisms of control by which people will manipulate us to serve themselves and their systems rather than looking out for our interests.

Carlos suggested that even churches and non-profit organizations can forget that they exist to serve people. He said that religions as systems are mostly hierarchical and self-serving. Jack said that he had seen a bumper sticker one time that read, "Spiritual people inspire me. Religious people scare me." George said that outreach organizations get money based on the number of people they help and that sometimes they may forget that it is really about the people. He also said that he knew people that would just stay in a relationship with someone because of the monthly check and food stamps.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion Carlos encouraged us to find positive ways to make our lives better rather than just focusing on the rules and the "dont's" and blindly following people and systems. George told us that he had learned recently that you don't walk in the park after dark because he and Rick were stopped the by the police and told they shouldn't be there. Carlos said that he would stop them as well which made us laugh and ended our discussion in a fun way.

Proactive Responses or Knee Jerk Reactions?

2011-05-18T14:07:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about the importance of taking responsibility for our own lives. Although we don't control circumstances or the people around us we always control our response to external things. Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People refers to this as being proactive rather than reactive.

We talked about how being reactive is really just living by our instincts.  Someone said that when we touch our hand on a hot stove we don't think about what to do we simply jerk our hand away from the source of the pain. Of course such reactions can be very helpful but not always. We talked about how if someone curses at us our instinctual reaction might be to curse back. However, this often just leads to more emotional and possibly even physical violence which is usually not good for anybody involved.

At this point George reminded us about the time that Sheila's landlord came to the Free Store and pushed her buttons until she exploded in anger.  Sheila was quick to remind us that she was not feeling very good that day but we laughed about it and teased her anyway. Our friend Terrence said that things do happen that can break us down and that other people do effect us in negative ways. He said that although he had gotten into some trouble at the men's shelter he still knew that God was with him even though other people didn't always recognize it.

George told us that he had gotten beat up in prison by six guys. He said that he had reported them for messing with a friend of his in the shower. At this Sheila said that when she was younger some girls were picking on her girlfriend Myra. She said that she grabbed a shoe and lit into them which made us laugh. Although we admired our friends for looking out for others we talked about how such actions could only be considered proactive if they were thoughtful responses and not just knee jerk reactions.

It became clear to us as we talked that there is a space of personal power and freedom between the things that happen to us and our reponses to those things. This means that we are never entirely powerless or helpless. Sheila said that sometimes you just needed to take a breath and count to three or there would be a bloodbath which made us laugh.  It was very encouraging to recognize that we always have the power to chose how we will respond to external things. That ability is at the heart of what it means to be human. I told the group about a guy I used to visit that was so far gone into alcohol and drug addictions that he would piss and crap in his room. It was very tragic to see a human being descend below the level of an animal. And yet what has sunk may rise just as what has risen may sink.

At this point Eddie told us about a scene in the movie "Roadhouse" where the doctor was stitching up the the main character and asked him, "Why are you a bouncer?" The Patrick Swayze character said something to the effect that he was able to solve problems created by those that were looking for trouble. Although we weren't exactly sure how this fit in it did sound very inspiring in a mysterious way.

Eddie went on to say that some people on the top have gone down to the bottom. He told us that at one point when he lived in Texas he was at the top and had a house, car, and wife. However, when his wife died he became angry and didn't want nothin from anybody. But now he was recognizing that he would need help to get back up. He also said that God would never give you more on your plate than you could handle. At this Sheila asked, "How heavy can the plate be?" which made us laugh.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion we talked about how vitally important it is to recognize that we are not helpless or powerless victims of circumstance or animals driven by instinct.   One of the things that defines us as human beings is that we always have the power to chose our response to things that happen to us. As I tell my son Jon, "Son, there is not much that separates us humans from the animals which makes it very important to know what those few things are." He always rolls his eyes at this but that doesn't stop me from repeating it.

I'm Still Livin

2011-05-16T18:19:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we followed up on a question someone asked last week that we felt needed further exploration. How do we know on a practical level that God's love never fails no matter how discouraged we may be abour our circumstances? One of our new friends said, "I'm still livin" which made us smile. She went on to say that life was a blessing even when things were hard. Someone else said that people cling to life even under very challenging circumstances. We decided that life itself is a sign that there is a benevolent power at work in our universe.

We talked about how life is such a mysterious and yet positively wonderful force. As we discussed it we realized that something so great must have a source outside of ourselves and pointed beyond itself to either God or a higher power which gives us a basis for our hope and optimism. Another friend said that she was inspired by seeing people strung out on drugs overcome their addictions. She told us that she had been clean for six months and we all cheered her success. George told us that he felt God had spared his life when he almost drowned when he was twelve years old. He has also been hit by cars while riding his bicycle four times so he thinks his life must have a purpose.

We also discussed how all the good and beautiful things in the world and in our lives point beyond themselves to a source beyond what we see and observe. Sheila said that God is in us and makes us breath and stuff. She went on to say she was with Dave when he took his last breath and she remembered thinking, "Why couldn't God just let him keep breathing?" It was very sobering to realize how difficult it can be to accept and find meaning in such painful experiences.

George said that when he was feeling down he often thought about the things other people had to deal with. He said that there were people on death row and people with fatal diseases. He told us that his mom had wanted to walk one more time but that her leg was amputated and she didn't get that wish. He encouraged us to enjoy life while we can because we don't know how or when it will end.

As we continued to discuss things that gave us hope when we were discouraged Debbie said your partner and family and friends can lift you up. Rick said that being around positive people helps you think and stay postive. George told us that he had to separate from his wife because she just wouldn stop drinkin and that it had been bringin him down. We talked a bit about how the love and support of other people can be a window into a greater and higher love that exists in the universe.

Although we weren't quite sure how this fit in one of our new friends said that people had been sayin that the world was going to end in 2012. She had been thinkin about this but had decided that since people keep havin babies that there will be a next generation. We joked that people had been saying the world would end for a long time and hadn't been right yet so maybe we should stop listening to that bullshit which made us laugh.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion Robert said that something our friend Mark had said last week about having to look back in order to move forward had been very helpful to him. Another friend said that you have to crawl before you can walk. Robert went on to say that our troubles are miniscule when compared to living forever which seemed to us like some very encouraging wisdom.

It Will Be All Right Baby

2011-05-14T12:29:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning Sheila got us started by asking the question, "What is peace?" She said that this was on her mind because she didn't feel like she had it right now. She told us that she felt trapped in her room like a prisoner. She said, "I know I have to do the laundry" but I just don't have the motivation. She was baffled because she said that she had never really been like this before but she knew it had something to do with Dave's recent death. She thought it was a motivation problem and that maybe she just needed some vitamins.

At this point Rick said that isolation is a sign of depression. This led us to talk about how depression is one of the stages that many people will go through in dealing with a loss in their lives. Someone said that it was important to recognize that depression was just a natural stage that we go through and that those negative feelings won't last forever. Just as the ocean tide comes in and goes out at regular intervals so do our feelings ebb and flow. We are, as human beings, part of the natural world and subject to laws that govern our emotional and inner lives.

We also discussed the importance of getting out and being around people even though we may not want the company but it does help us to get out of our own minds and engage others. George told us that he had been depressed when he first went into prison but that things got better when he started receiving letters and eventually visits from his family. He also told us that when he feels down he likes to get out and go see the hot dog man. He told us that man has fed and encouraged many people on the streets of Charlotte over many years.

We talked about how it might be necessary just to force ourselves to go through the motions and do things even though we don't feel like doing them. Someone made us laugh when they said that sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it. This led us to talk about how it can be helpful to stay active and get some exercise when we are depressed. Exercise stimulates the release of happy chemicals called endorphins into our system which can help us to feel better. Rick said that he had been taking anti-depressants like Prozac for about 10 years. Since depression is a chemical imbalance it can be helped with drugs as well as diet and exercise.

At this point Sheila got back in the conversation and told us that she needed to pack Dave's stuff up because it really hit her last night that he wasn't coming back. There were tears in her eyes as she said this and we all felt moved by her pain. She also told us that she had heard his voice a couple of times saying, "It will be all right baby." She said that she had hardly slept last night thinking about all this. Rick said that when you lay down for the night 1 of 2 things will happen: 1.) you will go to sleep, or 2.) the sun will rise. This made us laugh and even Sheila seemed to enjoy the humor of our sanguine friend.

George said that it was very hard when he lost his twin brother followed by his mother and then sister. He said his sister was over 400 pounds and died of a heart attack. He said that he had to get away from his hometown because there were just too many painful memories for him there. This led us to talk about how places can actually trigger memories which is why it is important to deal with our losses so that we can continue our routines even though they remind us of the things or people we have lost.

As our discussion moved to a conclusion we talked about how we have to find hope to get us through the dark times of discouragement. Someone said that because God's love never fails that we can have hope that even the bad and painful things that happen in our lives can be turned to good. Ironically, as we started talking about this George's chair collapsed and he got a nasty eight inch cut on the back from a protruding screw. This brought our conversation to an abrupt end as we tended to our wounded friend and then teased him throughout the day about breaking our chair on Friday the 13th!

A Little Became a Lot

2011-05-13T15:21:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn led us in a very interesting Free Store discussion on Thurday morning about creativity and imagination. He started the conversation by telling us that he had been thinking about bankruptcy and he said that there were currently about 9.1 million homes in our country going into foreclosure. He said that he knew what it was like to lose everything because at one time he had lost his job, house, family, friends, and even his faith in his religion. He told us that the American dream had become a nightmare for him.

At this point he told us that he wanted us to look at a story in 2 Kings 4. Someone said that they had come across a commentary on the book of Kings that was titled, "Men Behaving Badly" which made us laugh. It seems that no good comes of it when men have too much power. In the story a widow is about to have her children sold into slavery to pay her debts. George said this might have actually had an upside, especially if she had teenagers which gave us a good laugh.

As we continued in the story we learned that all the woman had left was a small bottle of olive oil. Interestingly this small bottle of oil was multiplied into enough to save her kids from slavery and give the family extra to live on. George said that this story illustrated that God doesn't leave anybody with nothing. He said that what we have may seem very small but that the real problem is that we don't recognize the value or the potential of the little we do have. He said he had learned something about this recently in dealing with his father who has terminal esophageal cancer. His dad joked that there was an upside to it all because in losing 45 pounds he didn't need his blood pressure medication anymore and he had money to save because he couldn't go anywhere to spend it. This made us laugh as we realized how even a little thing like a sense of humor can be a big thing when it comes to dealing with adversity.

We talked about how through the creative use of the imagination that we can begin to see the value of what we do have even though it may not seem like much. George said that studies have been done showing that children on average can think of about ten times more creative things to do with a pencil (like put paper wings on it and make an airplane) than adults. I told the group about my experience tutoring kids with special needs in a technique known as visualizing/verbalizing. One of the girls when asked to describe for me the object she was visualizing would say, "I got nuthin." The reality is that we have immense imaginative capacities that largely lie untapped and unused. George said that God is creative and so are we.

At this point our friend George Hunt said that "I did give up faith in mesself coz some people didn like my drawins" but he was getting back into it with the encouragement of new friends. This led us to talk about the importance of forming friendships with people that would be supportive and not hold us back. I told the group that my son Jon would often say in response to my criticism of things he would do, "Don't be a hater dad." Someone told us that Alexander Graham Bell failed many times before he invented the telephone but that just meant he knew lots of things that didn't work. Our friend Mark said that the man that invented the UPS system of package delivery first submitted his idea in a dissertation for Harvard University but the paper received a failing grade from his professor.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion George told us that everybody has something inside them of great value and that we should believe in it, stick to it, and trust in God. He also encouraged us that we don't have to stay where we are but through vision, imagination, God, and friends the little we have could become a lot more than we might ever imagine. That was a very encouraging message and we all felt empowered by it.

That Beat on My Brain for a Long Time

2011-05-13T14:07:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning we talked about the importance of positive thinking as a way to deal with the strong negative emotions that can easily overwhelm us. The question came up as to how we can renew our minds in a positive way even though our circumstances might be very negative. We talked about how bad things can get us down and that we tend to internalize our outward circumstances. Mark said that when you are homeless and have no job that the big picture can be overwhelming. He said that he has to focus on the small things that he can do to improve his circumstances.

As we talked about the importance of caring for our minds Sheila said that by doing things like taking a walk, or a nice hot bath (which she won't do because she never thinks the tub is clean enough which we thought was funny), or calling and talking to a friend we can improve our attitude. George said that he liked to watch cartoons and movies like "All Dogs Go To Heaven" because they made him laugh. He said it was hard at times because his mom died with cancer at forty-nine and didn't even remember him "her 30 cent, her baby boy" at the end. He said he liked to take bike rides and just get away from the house at times.

Mark said that in trying to keep a positive attitude it was important to stay away from negative people. He said that in the drug rehabilitation program called Rebound he found it hard to deal with all the negative talk. He also told us about a guy that used to come to work and just bitch all morning so that by noon everybody was in a foul mood which made us laugh. Rick said that it's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys which kept us laughing.

At this point Mark said that the negative was stronger than the positive. So we talked about how the negative is only stronger because we give negative thoughts and negative energy power over us by habitually thinking in a negative way. Someone said that is why it was important to establish positive thought patterns that would help us fight off all that negative energy. We all agreed that it takes a strong person not to access the negative spirit of others.

We talked about how negative experiences that we have as children can be very devastating because we are so vulnerable at that stage in our lives. Mark told us that his family wasn't happy unless there was chaos. He also said that when he was diagnosed with cancer and called his father he was told, "there is nothing I can do for you" and then his dad hung up. He also told us that his brother told him at one point that "you are not part of our family anymore." He said "that beat on my brain for a long time." He said that you can get so depressed that you don't even care what you look like anymore. It was very sobering to realize the negative things that our friends have to deal with. But it also helped us see the importance of taking responsibility to keep ourselves positive even though we may not have much positive external affirmation from others.

We talked about how exercise is a good way to help us maintain a positive attitude because it releases natural chemicals called endorphins that make us feel good. Someone said that these endorphins were also released by taking drugs which was easier than exercise which made us laugh.

As our discussion moved to a conclusion George told us that he was called a slow poke when he was a kid because he was a slow reader and moved slow. He said this really hurt his feelings and made him feel bad about himself and he thought this is why he became a problem child and ultimately ended up in prison for five years. He told us that he got a little stronger when he got out of prison though. He said that a couple of years ago he felt that his life was going round and round in circles without going anywhere. But since making new friends he had "kind of turned my life around." This seemed to us like a good place to end a conversation about the importance of positive thinking.

A $1,200 Loss and a $1,300 Gain

2011-05-11T08:05:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we explored the final step in the five stages of grief known as DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Not every one that experiences loss goes through all the stages and certainly not in any specific order. However, knowing the process can help us become more self-aware which can be very empowering.

We started the discussion with a question about what were some of the most difficult things to accept in our lives. One of our friends said that she had lost her mom about two years ago and was still finding it hard to deal with. She said that mother's day on Sunday was a very tough day for her. I shared with the group that I had lost my mom about a year and a half ago and had found it difficult to accept that she had suffered a few amputations from diabetes before she died. It was very painful for me to watch her suffer so much the last few years of her life.

Another new friend said that his house was being remodelled and that he had to sleep on the floor at a friend's house until the job was finished. He was having trouble dealing with this because it was taking longer than expected and he had already been on the floor for thirty days. He sounded a little grumpy so we sympathized rather than teasing him about it. George told us that he served five years in prison and that the time went quicker once he accepted it. He also said that his brother died at age twenty-one and his mom died at age forty-nine and that he had felt alone since then. But he couldn't wait to get in touch with his remaining family and tell them all about his new "family" here in Charlotte.

We talked a bit about how acceptance is really an internal attitude as much as anything. We often can't bring back the things we have lost but we can choose how we are going to deal with the loss. We looked at the character Job in the bible, a man that lost most of his wealth and all of his children in the same day. He didn't understand it and yet at one point he said, "this will turn out for my deliverance." Rick said that during the Great Depression bible salesmen did very well because people needed hope when things looked bleak. As we discussed it a bit more we began to realize that acceptance is seeing that our losses are not the end of the book but merely another chapter in the ongoing story of our lives. Out of the pain of loss and grief we can move forward into a happier space of new beginnings.

Sheila said that when Dave died she didn't want to accept it and didn't think she was there yet. She told us that she used to look for him in the house all the time. She said that she had been having Rick go to the Food Lion grocery store for her because it was too painful to shop there because she saw everything that Dave liked to eat. But she was realizing that she had to go on with her life. Another friend said that her mom loved sugar free Klondike bars so she could only buy ice cream at places that didn't sell them because it was too painful for her.

At this point in the discussion our friend Terrence said that he thought acceptance can be a breakthrough for us. He said that when bad things happen in our lives we can consider the question, "Was it the will of God or something that I have done?" He also said that acceptance gives us a positive way forward because we realize that something good can come out of something bad.

As our conversation moved to a conclusion one of our new friends said that last Thursday $1,200 worth of stuff had been stolen from her house, including a Wii game system. She was discouraged by this loss initially but had then received a $1,000 check in the mail and someone that owed her $300 had decided it was time to pay her back. She said that this made up for the loss and she felt that it had to be God which made her feel very thankful. Another friend said, "I have diabetes and although it was hard to accept at first it's just something I have to live with." She said that she was seventy-four years old and that she had a lot to be thankful for which made us all smile and nod in agreement.

I Was Down So Low the Sidewalk Seemed Like a Skyscraper

2011-05-10T14:16:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we discussed the fourth step in the process of grief known as DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. We started by talking about how in some ways depression is the most dangerous step in the process of grieving our losses because it crushes hope and breeds despair which can lead to suicide.

The question came up if anyone had ever been really depressed and what it feels like when we are going through it. Our friend Cliff said said "Yeah" in a way that for some reason made us all laugh. He went on to say that when you are depressed that you lose hope but that you can't give up and that you need someone to talk to. Later in the day another friend shared with us that he had gone to a doctor for his depression at one point and was asked what he was feeling. He said, "I want to kill my family and yet don't have the motivation." The doctor said, "I'm not going to write that down in your file."

We talked about how in depression we often feel isolated and alone and that our thinking becomes very dark and negative. Our friend Mark told us about a time in his life that he admitted himself into a substance abuse program for his cocaine addiction. The program was run by former Hells Angels and Pagan biker gang members. He said that in one session when he was throwing a pity party for himself this hells angel counselor got up in his face and said, "tell me about that special problem you have that nobody else in the history of the world has ever had." This made us laugh as we realized how irrational our feelings can be when we slip into a negative and depressive state.

Sheila told us that she had closed herself off from people when her husband Dave died. She said that it was hard to talk to people but that it was helping her to write things down and to talk about it with friends she could trust. Our friend Paul said that when you are depressed its like you have a negative aura around you and that you don't want to bring other people down so you close yourself off.

At this point our conversation turned to a character in the bible by the name of Jeremiah. Although we often view these people as saints they were just normal people going through the same experiences that we all go through. We talked about how Jeremiah wrote his feelings down in the book of Lamentations and that it was obvious that he was depressed at that stage in his life. He blamed God for all the bad things in his life, he felt isolated and alone, he was suffering physically and felt immobilized to do anything positive to help himself. However, ultimately he gained hope by recognizing that God's lover never fails and that each new day brings new opportunities.

We talked about how we often feel paralyzed when we go through depression and that we stop doing positive things that could actually help lift our spirits, like exercising, eating properly, and getting enough sleep. Robert said that when depressed you might smoke too much and drink too much as well. He also asked the question about how knowing that God's love never fails can help you on a practical level. He told us that he was exchanging letters with a guy in prison for life and that it was difficult because there was no hope in the man's letters. He said that it was hard to internalize positive things like God's love for us when circumstances are so negative. This was a challenging question that sobered us as we realized how dark life can be at times.

Mark said that it can help to reflect on our past and to realize that we have come through hard times before. Jack said that it might help to recognize that this world is not our home and that we have a more hopeful future to look forward to. At this point a new friend told us that he was given up for adoption at birth because he father had tried to shoot his mother while she was pregnant with him. He said that he grew up in LA in foster homes and got involved in drugs and gangs. He said that at one point "I was down so low the sidewalk seemed like a skyscraper" which made us laugh. However, he had survived all those things and had found a new life through faith and hope in God.

As we moved our conversation to a close George said that bible study helped to calm him down. He also said that he would be depressed all the time if not for the new friends he had made through the free store. Our friend Paul said that he had been in a funk recently but that our last few converstions about the stages of grief had helped him. We laughed when someone said that together we are always smarter than we are alone which also seemed like a good note on which to end our conversation.

The Way Forward Is Through

2011-05-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we talked about the third step in the grief process known as DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Whenever we lose something of value we go through various stages of dealing with the loss. Not everyone goes through the five stages in sequential order and not everyone goes through all the stages. However, by understanding the process we can better understand ourselves as we struggle to deal with the pain in our lives.

Bargaining is a step along the way to accepting the loss and really letting ourselves grieve over it. It is our way of trying to exercise some control of what is happening to us. The question was asked about what bargaining would look like in a specific situation. George said that he did it when he was in prison by promising God that he would do better when he got out. He told us that his bail was set at $50,000 which seemed pretty high so we joked with him that he must have been a very bad boy. George was a bit vague on the next point but his explanation included the words "breaking" and "after midnight" which made us laugh.

We talked about how in some ways our entire lives are a process of bargaining and negotiating to get what we want and avoid what we don't want. This led us to talk about Jacob, one of the great characters in the bible. We laughed when our friend Paul said that if he was a character that he would fit right in with this motley crue. Someone brought up that Jacob's name means "heel-grabber" because he was born with a twin brother and came out of the womb holding onto Esau's heel.

We looked at the story where Jacob dreamed about a ladder extending from earth to heaven. Upon waking he realized that God had been present and that he had not been aware of it. At this point Rick said that God is omnipresent which means that there is no place that God is not. Our friend Paul said that he was sure God had been with him as he looked back at some of the things he had been through in his life. He also said that he was the last remaining member of his family as both his parents and his two sisters had died in the past five years. Paul said that he was the only person in his family ever to be homeless and that he didn't know what that meant but he sensed that there was some purpose in his life.

As we talked about the importance of having a purpose in life Rick shared with us a little of his experience on the street. He said that he would rise every morning and after getting cleaned up and having breakfast he would leave the shelter and go around picking up cigarette butts. He would collect these during the day and would use the tobacco in them to roll his own cigarettes and then later in the afternoon he would return to the shelter for dinner around 4 pm. George said he would often walk the streets just hoping that somehow he would be able to get a place of his own. It made us sad to realize the daily hardships faced by many of our friends.

At this point our conversation circled back to Jacob and we talked about how he bargained with God after getting into serious trouble by defrauding his brother Esau. Basically Jacob said that if God would provide food, clothing, shelter, and protection that then he would serve God. These were not extravagant things that Jacob wanted but were just the basic necessities for life. We talked about how we all pretty much spend our lives bargaining for the things we need in life and trying to ward off the inevitable losses. But ultimately, reality is what it is and no bargaining can change it. The way forward is never around the loss but rather goes right through it.

It Helps Me To Yell

2011-05-06T08:07:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning we talked about the second stage in the grief process known as DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Anger is often expressed as a form of the question, "Why the hell is this happening to me?" Sheila told us that she was very angry when her husband Dave died and that she drank the whole day and night. But she said through the support and love of friends and by talking about it and journalling about her anger she was able to deal with it better now.

Someone asked the question, "Why do we get angry?" Eddie said that if we try to understand what is happening to us and can't figure it out that we get frustrated which then leads to anger. A new friend that joined us for the first time said that she identified with that. As a bus driver she often found herself lashing out at the kids but that she was learning to understand her own feelings. Our friend Paul said that when you are angry you often strike out at others.

I told the group about a past experience of going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and being viciously bitten on the leg by the cat on the way back to bed. This really pissed me off so of course I did what a rational person would do in that situation and slapped our dog that was sleeping peacefully on the foot of the bed. It made us laugh to realize how irrational we can act in our anger. George said that at one time he quit a job because his girlfriend broke up with him. Eddie told us that he completely destroyed his house when his wife died. He flipped furniture, punched holes in the walls and pretty much broke everything but the TV. Beyond this he got himself arrested and put in prison where he beat the man that was responsible for her death.

At this point we talked a bit about how anger is often a mask for another emotion like fear, sadness, humiliation, or loss of control. Eddie said that he looked up a definition of anger at one time and learned that anger is used to overpower when I feel weak and to control when I feel out of control. He told us not to quote him on this but of course we did anyway.

The question was asked about how anger makes us feel? Someone said it made you feel tense and that it was also an adrenaline rush. Sheila said that you just don't care about nothin when you are angry. George said that you gotta let it out. Mickey said that when he was angry it helped to just yell. This made us laugh but it led us to talk about the importance of releasing the energy that builds up in our muscles from our anger. Someone said that exercise was a good way to release the tension from anger. Our new friend said that praying helped her especially when her kids would cuss her out. Mickey said that if you stay calm when someone is angry with you that it defuses the situation.

Eddie said that it helped him to take a good long walk to help calm him down when he was angry. Danielle said she liked to read a book or crochet to help her relax. Someone said that his grandma used to tell him as a kid "when you calm down then come back and talk to me." At this point we talked a bit about how being aware of the things that might trigger our anger was also helpful in dealing with it.

As our conversation neared a conclusion George told us that he used to get angry when he couldn't get on the ticket at labor ready. And he recommended reading the bible and watching movies that make you laugh. Our new friend said that when George had invited her to join our conversation she initially thought that she didn't need it but she was glad she had stayed because it had really helped her.

Maybe You Need a New God

2011-05-05T08:01:00.000-05:00

Carlos joined us for our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning and continued leading us in a study of the book of Galatians. Our discussion centered around ideas of sin and brokenness. Carlos started off by telling us that he was born with Scoliosis and it seemed to be getting worse as he got older. He said that even though it was genetic and not something he brought on himself that he still had to deal with it. We laughed when someone said that you can't change your genes but you can make them worse.

Carlos explained that there were different kinds of brokenness. Transgression involved the bad things we do but yet do them without bad motivations. He said this was like accidentally running over someone with your car. Carlos said that sin was bad behavior done intentionally. He said this was like intentionally running over someone with your car. Sheila told Carlos that he shouldn't be driving which gave us a good laugh. And we laughed more when someone said that being run over is a problem whether it was intentional or not.

Carlos told us that if we intentionally did bad things over and over again that we eventually get overcome by them. At that point our bad habits have a hold on us and we can feel powerless to deal with them. Our friend Eddie said that when he was nineteen years old he drank for six months straight from sun up to sunset. He said that he couldn't stand the family fighting. Carlos asked him what helped him at that time. Eddie said that his wife told him that if he didn't stop drinking he would lose her. He realized that he had an option and realized that she was "something I didn't want to lose." He also told us that his mom and stepdad had made the choice to do drugs and stay in their life of crime and they were both in prison as a result. It made us sad to think about the ways that people can damage their lives. Someone said that God doesn't abandon those in prison and that people can learn from their mistakes in life.

We talked about how a person can get to the point that they just don't care about the bad things they do. Carlos asked us what we thought would cause a person to get to that point. Eddie said low self-esteem. Janice said we might think we are hurting others by doing bad things. George said that through a death or a divorce you just get to a point where you "don't care no more." Janice told us that she almost lost her children from drinkin and druggin. She was told that she had to straighten up or that her kids would be taken from her. At that point she realized she had a choice to either sober up or lose her kids and be institionalized and maybe die. She told us that she has been sober for twenty-seven years which we celebrated with applause.

At this point Carlos shifted the conversation by telling us that we have primary responsibility for our own lives but that we can be secondary support for others. Our friend Danielle said that you gotta take the initiative to change your life. Carlos then asked us why we thought it was important to be gentle and humble in our approach to dealing with other people? Eddie said you shouldn't think you're high an mighty. He also said that Jesus was humble enough to wash other people's feet. Someone else said that if a person has been overcome by something that they feel defeated and humiliated and that they need gentleness because they are exposed and vulnerable.

Carlos said that God is with us even when we do things that get us into trouble. Our friend Paul said that someone had told him at one point, "maybe you need a new God." They asked him where his God was when he was drinkin and ruinin his life. Paul said that God was with him but not partakin which made us laugh. Eddie said that we should think before we act and remember that for every action there is a reaction.

As our discussion moved to a conclusion Carlos reminded us that responsibility means that we have the ability to respond to things in our lives. Janice told us that she tries to take care of everybody else and neglects her own problems. Mickey said it was funny that we try to help other people with their problems when we can't fix our own. Carlos asked Janice what problems she had that she wanted help with? When she started talking about her dad Carlos stopped her and reminded her that we were asking about her issues which made us all laugh. Janice took it with good humor and said that she just wasn't getting things done at home like folding the clothes and keeping the house clean. She said she gets home and just loses all motivation to do anything. She is a bit discouraged because she has recently completed her education but can't get a job. So we encouraged her that completing her education was very important. And we joked with her that now whenever we see her we are going to ask if her house is clean.

Neo Took the Red Pill

2011-05-04T08:14:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we started a discussion about the stages of grief. These five stages are based on the experiences of people that have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and how they deal with it. But they also apply any time that we lose something of value to us. The five stages are known as DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

One of our new friends started by telling us that her mom always denied physically abusing her as a child. She also said that her mom could never really admit that she had a drinking problem as well. Curtis said that denial is avoidance and that we tend to avoid things that we find upleasant or too painful to deal with. He also said that denial is a state of confusion in which we aren't able to think clearly.

We talked some about how people will often make excuses for themselves as a way to keep from dealing with the really negative stuff in their lives. Curtis said that blaming others is a way that we excuse ourselves. He got us laughing when he told us that his stepdad had actually blamed him for the death of his grandmother by killing her with his long hair and leather. Of course Curtis happened to be sporting a long Rambo-esque bowie knife so we could see how he might be considered a dangerous man.

At this point we talked about the movie "The Matrix" in which Morpheus offers Neo the choice of either the red pill or the blue pill. By taking the blue pill Neo would wake up with no memory of anything that had happened or by taking the red pill he would see how deep the rabbit hole went and learn the harsh truth about his world. Neo took the red pill and we encouraged one antoher to do the same no matter how difficult. Our friend Eddie said its always better to be told the truth because it just makes you angry if people lie to you. He said it just don't feel good to be deceived. Lynn said that one lie often leads to another until you can't keep track of them anymore.

Robert said that he was beginning to realize that denial is a hindrance to acceptance. He also said that you can't change reality and that ultimately it hits you in the face. We talked about the importance of accepting the truth about ourselves and our lives no matter how painful. Liz said that if the truth sets you free then by denying the truth you are caging yourself off. At this point Eddie shared a scene from the Vin Diesel movie "XXX" about how a lion raised in a cage doesn't have that same look in its eye as the lion that has been captured. Although we weren't exactly sure how this fit in it sounded like a very cool scene as he described it.

As we moved our conversation to a close Sheila said that if you stuff it in and stuff it in the problem doesn't go away. She told us that it is better to find someone that you can trust and talk about things no matter how painful they may be. Robert asked the question, "Do you think people can be in denial so deeply that it becomes a reality?" At this many heads around the room were shaking in agreement. It is very sobering to think that we can deny the truth so completely that we might never really see the reality of our lives. However, no matter how deep in denial we might be we always have the choice to take the red pill. This is good news because it means that we are only ever one choice away from being free of our cage.

I Hate Myself for Letting Dave Die

2011-05-01T13:37:00.000-05:00

We started our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning by talking about our blog and how interesting and fun it is to share the experiences and ideas of our friends. George said our group can be looney tunes at times which made us laugh. We talked about how each person is equal to every other and that each one of us has valuable insights rooted in our unique life experiences that can benefit all of us.

We continued the conversation by discussing the fact that loving ourselves is the starting point for learning to love others. Someone said that religions often teach us to love others more than we love ourselves which is a bunch of bull which we thought was funny and true. Jesus did not say to love others more than we love ourselves but to love others as we love ourselves. So we looked at this from two angles. Since we can love ourselves we also recognized that we can do the opposite which is to hate ourselves. So a two-part question came up about the ways that we both hate ourselves and the ways that we love ourselves?

Our new friend Joshua said that he can't let go of the mistakes he had made and that he was having a hard time dealing with his past. Someone said that it can be as difficult to forgive ourselves as it is to forgive others. Sheila said that "I hate myself for letting Dave die." She talked about how his last wish was to be at home under hospice care with her, Rocky (their large part-Rottweiler dog that Dave used to say would try to crawl in your pocket if you let him), and Rick at his side. And she blamed herself that she was not able to do that for him. Marney said that it is normal to grieve and that ultimately it is a process of acceptance. Such negative feelings are a normal and healthy part of the five stages of grief as long as we don't get stuck in them.

George told us that he hated himself for not telling his mom that he loved her before she died. He said that he found it hard to say I love you but that he was learning to do it with the new friends he has made the last couple of years. Mark said that drug addictions are a way that we express hatred of ourselves. This led us to talk about how anything we do that causes harm to our bodies and emotions shows that there is something we do not like and do not accept about ourselves.

Marney told us that she hated that she was hyper and that she procrastinated. At this point Janice shared that she had lost her mom nineteen months ago. She had a hard time with it in part because she was not able to be at her mom's side when she died. But she was learning to accept it as God's will and was realizing that things can have a purpose even when we don't understand them.

Joelle shared with us that something she had heard in one of conversations a while back has stuck with her. She said that the idea that Jesus was completely human and that he experienced all the emotions that we go through had been very meaningful to her. She said, "I think about that when I get depressed." She also said that she was trying to connect with her mom through facebook but that her mom had blocked her which was very painful. However, she was going to keep trying because she did love her mom and wanted to find a way to reconnect with her.

As we moved our discussion to a conclusion someone suggested that by loving another person we are in reality showing love to ourselves since we are connected with others in ways that we don't even comprehend. Sheila said that we can love ourselves by doing something that we want to do even if it is just getting a haircut. Our friend Robert encouraged Sheila that God gives and takes away so that he hoped she wouldn't blame herself for Dave's death. He also said that he thought the serenity prayer was something that could help us a great deal. Initially he couldn't remember it but then it came to him and we all cheered him on as he recited it from memory. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

You Gotta Have Your Space

2011-04-30T07:26:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Friday we talked about the importance of setting up boundaries in our lives. It is not good for us to be alone all the time and it isn't good to be with people all the time either. We need a healthy balance in our lives. George said that "you gotta have your space" and we all agreed that was very important. Sheila talked about how her roomate would sometimes intrude on her personal space but that "I would get on his ass like wild rice." We didn't know exactly what that meant but it was very funny.

We talked about how we deal with it when people overstep the bounds of our personal space. Mark said that he would sometimes get angry and take it out on others. But he realized that this was not the best way because people will often shut down and not communicate with you. He also told us that he couldn't get off dope until he started to deal with his anger. We talked about how anger is such a powerful emotion that it can prevent us from thinking calmly and rationally. Mark asked if that meant that when somebody clogged the toilet at the free store instead of getting angry about it he should say, "It makes me feel bad when I have to clean up your crap" which made us laugh.

Sheila said that "you stuff your feelings" but that the tension just builds up. Mark told us that when he gets really stressed he gets cold sores. Sheila said that she got pissed off at a friend recently for being honest with her but that after thinking about what he was saying she felt better. As our friends talked we were realizing that anger and repression are not the most healthy ways to deal with our negative emotions. The pressure will often build up until we can actually break down.

Since we recognized that there are negative ways to deal with boundary issues the question came up about what are some positive ways we could deal with people that pushed our buttons and crossed over lines. George said that you should stay away from the bad people and hang with the good people.

Our friend Mark said that he liked to do things that make him feel like he is helping to do something positive. He said "I know what my triggers are" and I don't want to get back into the drugs. Our friend Robert said that you don't have to know what your purpose is because you can make your own purpose.

Sheila told us that she has been journalling about her anger since losing her husband Dave. She writes down all the things that she is angry about and then burns it. She said that when she burns those journal pages it gives her an adrenaline rush and makes her feel better like she is releasing something bad. Someone said that no matter how bad we feel life moves on and we have to move on with it.

In moving our conversation to a conclusion we talked about the importance of setting boundaries and keeping our lives in balance. Terrence said that being availabe and offering support and friendship is the biggest thing we do for people. George told us that people called him slow poke when he was a kid because he didn't learn very fast and that really hurt his feelings. So we took the opportunity to tell him some of the many things we liked about him, not least of which is that he makes great coffee for us every morning.

I Just Can't Forgive: Or Can I?

2011-04-29T07:42:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us Thursday morning for our Free Store conversation. I asked him what had been on his mind recently that he wanted to share with us and he said, "I've had a lot on my mind, but sometimes you have to get the clutter out of the attic." George has a great sense of humor and we have learned to look forward to his clever sayings and rejoinders.

George said that he had been thinking a lot about the Lord's prayer recently and especially about forgiveness. He said that one of the primary meanings of forgiveness was to release someone from debt. Someone said that was called a bailout but only big banks seemed to be getting that kind of help recently which made us laugh. George said that in forgiving others we are both releasing them and simultaneously letting go of the anger, bitterness, and negative emotion that can dominate our lives long after the injury has been done by the other person.

The idea came up that if somone injures another person that they are often required to pay some form of compensation for the damage. But by forgiving someone we release them from paying for the damage they have caused. We talked a bit about how people can do things to us that can make it very hard, if not impossible, for us to forgive. The question was asked about what are some of the things we had experienced that we struggled to forgive.

Our friend Eddie said "my dad came home drunk and said I wasn't his son anymore." Another friend told us that her mom left when she was six years old and never really told her that she loved her. She said, "I just can't forgive her." Another friend said that his dad abused him as a kid. He also said that he remembered his dad saying to his mom, "Why don't you just shut up." Sheila said that her father molested her and beat her mother. She said that when he died she didn't feel bad at all but instead felt relief. She said that she has never forgiven him and didn't know if she could. Another friend said that there were some things in the world that he could not forgive like racism, ignorance, injustice and prejudice. It was sobering to listen to these stories full of so much pain and abuse.

At this point George told us that our thoughts actually create neural pathways in our brains. He compared it to the paths created by cows on the farm going from the field to the barn. He said that these pathways were both emotional and intellectual (not the cow paths!) corresponding to the right and left hemispheres of the brain. In this way negative thoughts and emotions can come to dominate our lives and can actually make it more difficult for us to experience more positive emotions like love, joy, and peace.

As the conversation moved to a close we talked about the healing power of forgiveness. Sheila said that she had been trying to go through Dave's stuff since he had passed away and was really needing time to herself. She was finding it difficult to say no to her friends and yet she felt they were stepping over boundaries by not recognizing her need for alone time. Marney said that it was very important to set boundaries and to learn to say no.

Forgiveness can be very challenging but as we learned it can also liberate us from the negative thoughts and emotions that can dominate us, bind us up, and hold us down. Such freedom sounded very much like good news to us.

I Told God to Kiss My Rear End

2011-04-28T08:31:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos joined us to continue working our way through the book of Galatians. Carlos said that he was glad to be with us and that it was a good day. We laughed when someone said that someday we would wake up dead so we should embrace every day of life on earth as a gift.

Carlos launched our discussion by highlighting that we have been talking about the don't system with its focus on rules which is opposed to the way of freedom and creativity. He emphasized that although we can use our freedom to do whatever the hell we want that is not always the best way to live. And even though we misuse our freedom and can even do damage to ourselves and others we are still valuable and have great worth. He said that you don't go out and buy a new car just because the ash tray breaks on your old car which made us laugh. There is value in the car even though it is unreliable and imperfect. Our friend Eddie said that we mess up every day but God don't throw us away.

Someone brought up the Stephen King movie Christine about a car that was possessed and caused harm to everyone in its path. There are many ways that we can use our freedom to be destructive of ourselves and those around us. We talked about how the do-whatever-you-want attitude can often lead to some real dead ends in life. Eddie said that sometimes the bottom was the best place to be. Mickey said that he had neighbors that camped near him in the woods that threw wild parties and did not make the best neighbors.

Carlos said that rather than doing whatever we wanted that an alternative way to live was to let the Spirit of God be our GPS which made us smile. He said that not drinking and not smoking was no better than drinking and smoking. That one way was more restrictive and the other more permissive was not really the issue. He said it is best to try to find out what God wants us to do rather than look for a rule that fits everybody. Eddie told us about some friends he knew in Texas that would drink wine in moderation and dance as a celebration of their faith. Jack told us that it is best to do everything in moderation and that there is evidence that moderate alcohol consumption has some health benefits. Although later he told me that his wife Julie says that to say it is always best to do everything in moderation is not very moderate!

We talked about how just living to do whatever we want can often lead us to hurt others. Eddie said that putting others down is not loving yourself. And the question came up about how we can love others if we don't love ourselves.

Carlos moved us toward a conclusion with a question by asking us what we needed. Our new friend Jimmy said he was blessed to be with us and that there were things in his life that he needed to change. Eddie told us that "seven months ago I lost my wife, but my life is getting better little by little. I had my back to God and told him to kiss my rear end. But God was with me even though I didn't know it." And through the support of friends he said that he had changed his outlook and felt that he was in a much better place. That was a very encouraging thought and made us realize that no matter how dark life may be at times there is always reason for hope no matter how improbable.

Pats on the Back and Kicks in the Pants

2011-04-27T08:22:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store discussion on Tuesday morning we explored some of the things that Jesus said about giving. The question was asked about what motivated people to give. Mark said that he thought people often gave in order to show off their wealth. Sheila said that she thought giving should be done from the heart.

We talked about how giving can often be done in order to draw attention to ourselves and to gain the praise of others. Someone suggested that it wasn't a bad thing to want the affirmation of others and that it is very natural to crave and need praise and approval. We laughed when someone said that we needed at least as many pats on the back as kicks in the pants! I made the mistake of jokingly telling the group how I never tire of people telling me how good looking I am for which I was mercilessly teased beyond all reason the rest of the day.

Someone said that if we only do things to get the praise of others that this is a type of behavior referred to as external locus of control. In this way our behavior becomes dependent on external things which is not really a good way to live. We talked about how it is never good to give our personal power over to others as this opens us up to being manipulated and exploited. We talked a bit about how if someone knows that we thrive on praise that the person might be able to manipulate us by praising us and whispering sweet nothings in our ears. Many heads around the room were shaking in agreement at this point in the discussion. We agreed that it is extremely important to be secure in ourselves and not to become overly dependent on external affirmation.

We thought it was interesting that Jesus basically said that we shouldn't let our left hand know what our right hand is doing when it comes to what we give. Our new friend Robert thought that meant there is no reason to be preoccupied with our money. We talked about how there are many things that we are not even conscious of in our daily lives. Someone said that our eyes don't detect the ultraviolet rays even though they exist. The same could be said about emotions and thoughts that are buried so deeply within us we are not even aware of them and the power that they exercise over our lives.
At this point the conversation turned toward the idea that giving is in reality something that arises naturally from within us as an expression of our true humanity. As human beings we are meant to give and receive love. Our friend Terrence said that when we give to others we often find that we receive more than we give. He talked about being at church and giving his last dollar to help someone else and then he received five dollars from another person.

It is great to know that we have the capacity to expand our lives if we are willing to give and receive love as we are meant to do.

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister Walk Into This . . .

2011-04-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Saturday morning we talked about a story Jesus told about a Good Samaritan. Someone brought up that there was a Samaritan's Purse organization in Charlotte that gives away shoes to children that need them but we didn't think they had any relation to the story. Overall we didn't know much about Samaritans except that they were a group that was looked down upon because they married outside their Jewish race and religion. Someone brought up how every religion has its purists that look down on those that are more open and accepting of others.

We talked a bit about how groups and even individuals tend to look down on some other group or individual. Someone shared how even prison inmates, who are looked down upon by society in general, have a pecking order within the prison system. Child molesters are generally despised by even other inmates. The question was asked about what groups our society tends to look down on. Mark said that the homeless were looked down on as a group but not by everyone. Someone else said that homosexuals were often despised by others.

In the story Jesus said that a man was robbed and beaten and left to die along the road. As he lay there a priest came along the way but quickly moved to the other side of the road and kept going on his way. Our Jewish friend Karen said that this was because if the priest touched a dead body he would be unclean and would not have been able to perform his religious duties at the temple. She also said that he could have made other arrangements to help the man but didn't. The next person to come along was a Levite, who we thought was probably the priest's assistant and maybe something like a minister of music. This man also moved to the other side of the road and passed by without helping the dying man. Then the good Samaritan comes along and quickly tends to the beaten guy and arranges to have him cared for and to cover the expense. We laughed when someone said this story almost sounded like a good joke story, "A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into this . . ." showing that Jesus had a great sense of humor, unlike so many of his followers.

We talked about how people will often insulate themselves so they don't have to see the needs of others. The rich live in their gated communities, the middle-class live in their suburban oases, and the poor and homeless are pushed to the margins where they don't have to be seen. Someone said that it is a risky thing to open ourselves up to the people around us because if we discover that our neighbor is in need we will probably feel some kind of a desire to do something about it. We talked about how if we become aware of too much need around us we can feel overwhelmed.

Our friend Marney shared how she was learning about the importance of boundaries in her life. She talked about having to take care of four children that did not belong to her because she found it hard to say no. Karen said that women in general would often put the needs of others before their own needs. At this point Sheila talked about how she was feeling bad about not letting her homeless friends stay with her because she just needed quiet time to deal with the death of her husband Dave. She hoped that her friends would not think she was being mean or unkind but she was realizing she needed her personal space.

As the conversation moved to a close we thought that ignoring the needs of others is not nearly as satisfying a way to live as opening our lives up to others. However, we all recognized the need to have boundaries and to show appropriate love for ourselves so that we could have something to bring to our relationships with our friends.

Good Days, Bad Days, and Good Fridays

2011-04-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation Friday morning we talked about the meaning of the Good Friday holiday. Interesting name for a day that we decided wasn't very good at all for the man that is being remembered on it. We talked about how it was in reality the worst day of Jesus' life because it was the day that ended in his cruel death at the hands of his enemies. Someone brought up how the day our friend Dave died a few weeks ago was a bad day. And we all agreed that life is full of many bad days. Someone said that you had better have your camera ready for the good days so that you can capture those fleeting happy moments.

Somehow the conversation turned toward the choices that we make. Someone said that most people don't have a lot of control on how much money they make but that we always have the power to choose how we spend it. We talked about how people can make good choices even though they don't have a lot of money. It was empowering to realize that even though we might not have much we always have the power to make positive choices for our own lives.

Since it is Anticonsumerism April at the Free Store we started talking about the different ways that we can spend our money. Since it is Good Friday we talked a bit about Judas, the man that betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver which was the going price of a slave in those days. Someone said that God made us free but that human beings made slavery. We talked about some of the bad things that people will do for money. Somebody said that every time we use somebody for our own advantage that is a form of human trafficking. It made us sad to think about all the ways that we can value stuff over people.

At this point someone brought up another character in the gospel story that gives us an alternative to Judas. This character was a woman that bought a ridiculously expensive perfume and poured it on Jesus as an expression of her love for her friend. We calculated that based on current minimum wage this perfume must have cost over $15,000 a bottle which is a lot of money to spend on someone. The question came up about the best gifts we had ever received. Sheila said a beautiful flower. George said a portable DVD player and birthday party at the free store on his 50th birtday.

As we do so often in our conversations we talked about how the best and most important things in life are free. There is a saying famous in NASCAR country (for those not from around these parts that stands for National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing--pronounced racin) "Gentlemen, start your engines." We laughed a bit as we realized that none of us has to start our own engine because life is something that we have within us without even having to think about it.

Our friend Linda, who does not hide the fact that she has engaged in prostitution, said that you can't buy love. Someone else said that the air we breath was free. We got to laughing about the fact that it probably wouldn't be if someone could figure out how to control it. And then someone said that if you need oxygen in the hospital it is actually very expensive. Mark mentioned that medical services might be so expensive because of all the marble used in the construction of these elaborate hospital buildings.

In moving our discussion to a conclusion we encouraged one another to spend our resources on the people that matter in our lives. All of our stuff will pass away with use but the people we love have eternal potential.

Did You Have a Homeowner's Policy on That Tent?

2011-04-22T06:19:00.000-05:00

George Dunn started our Free Store conversation on Thursday morning by saying that Christianity is not about words but about healing power. He said that it seemed strange that so much of Jesus mininstry involved healing people and yet we see so little of it in the church today. And that the healing that does take place is so expensive that many people can't afford it.

For some reason our discussion took a bit of a raucous turn at this point.  It came up that our friends Danielle and Mickey had their tent vandalized during the night. Someone asked them if they had a homeowner's policy on it, which didn't seem like an entirely appropriate question, but it made us all laugh. So we had some fun with the idea of insuring tents for homeless people.

Somehow the conversation turned to redneck jokes. Our friend Rick asked us what were the last words of a redneck to which he said, "Hey y'all watch this!" Curtis asked us if we knew how to entertain a redneck and said, "with a beer and a bug zapper." I told the group about putting duct tape on my son Jon's backpack so that he could still use it and he told me, "I'm a redneck now dad."  At this point our friend John said, "Welcome to comedy central this morning" which helped us to realize that we had strayed a great way from our subject.

So back to the conversation about healing power. Someone suggested that healing takes place all the time. Every time we recover from a common cold it is because of the amazing healing mechanisms of the human immune system. George told us about synthetic organic chemistry that studies the healing power of plants in order to promote natural remedies for health problems.

Our new friend Robert told us about going to the emergency room and being charged $160 for a bandaid and ointment. He was told that "it will heal itself."   I told the group about my daughter Val's trip to the emergency room for a broken finger. After receiving the hospital bill I told them that the pain had migrated from her finger to my wallet. These stories made us laugh but they also made us question why we are so willing to pay so much money on doctors and drugs when the real healing power is in the body itself.

At this point George brought up that Jesus performed many of his miracles on the Sabbath. He said that Jesus did this to piss off (which is not in the original Greek but should be!) the religious establishment since that was their holy day of rest which they had come to elevate about the needs of people. Curtis said they didn't like Jesus because they were jealous that he knew more about their religion than they did, the supposed experts in the law.

As we moved the conversation to a close we talked about how unconventional and unpredictable Jesus could be. George said that Jesus showed us a different kind of leadership than the typical "Simon says" type of game that is played. We learn as children that you have to do exactly as simon says or you are out and most leaders want us to play by those rules. George told us that at an earlier point in his life he had the attitude, "kill a communist for christ and two on sunday" until he realized that Jesus said love your enemies. He said that this seriously messed up his former values. Our friend John said that "nobody said the word would be easy" which left us all with a lot to think about.

I Like To Go For My Dreams

2011-04-21T07:32:00.000-05:00

Our friend Carlos joined us on Wednesday morning and continued leading us through the book of Galatians. It's sort of a Galatians for dummies approach but we have found the discussions interesting and they always leave us with a lot to think about.

Carlos started out with a bit of a review telling us that we are really talking about is a system of rules that are designed for children. However, as we become adults we should be intrinsically motivated and not need this system of dont's with its limitations and prohibitions. The question was asked, "What are you gonna do and create in your life?" Shay asked us to think about what we are good at. And Cheronne said that we should think about what our passion is. He then said, "I like to go for my dreams." He told us that God puts desire in our hearts and inspires us to do great things with it. This was a very encouraging message from our young friend.

Carlos explained that there are two false options in life. One is to follow the don't system with all its rules and prohibitions. Shay thought that way of living would be boring. And George said that a person that lived that way would be lazy. The other way is to completely reject this law and fear-based system and think to ourselves, "I can do whatever the fuck I want." Although we smiled at this we recognized that such anarchistic thinking may not lead to the best way of life either. Carlos suggested that the third choice was to be open to the Spirit of God which gives us the freedom to do and to create.

One of our new young friends said that when you try to follow your dreams and be creative that people will try to mess with you. Many heads were nodding in agreement as someone said that negative people will often tell us that we can't do what we really want to do. Carlos said that by focusing on what we can't do that we don't ourselves to death which made us laugh.

In closing our conversation the questions were asked, "What good thing do you want to do today?" And, "What is your dream?" Curtis said that he wanted to stay healthy and develop positive friendships. That sounded like a great idea to us and we encouraged him to do it and told him that from what we knew about him that he definitely had the ability to make it happen.

Quid Pro Quos and Stubborn Trust

2011-04-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Tuesday morning we talked about two of the great characters in the Bible: Jacob and Job. We like to say that characters are welcome around here and we love the wonderfully diverse group of friends that form our community.

We started by talking about Jacob and how his name means "heel-grabber." We considered how our names can shape us and how unfortunate it is to be labelled in such a negative way. Someone mentioned an old Johnny Cash song about a "Boy Named Sue" which made us laugh. As we continued our discussion we focused on the part of the story in Jacob's life where he was running for his life from his brother Esau. In the story Jacob basically says that "if" God will protect him and give him food and shelter that "then" he would serve God. We all agreed that this was a very common way to relate to each other and to God. If you scratch my back I'll scratch yours is a pretty nice arrangement after all. We talked a bit about how relationships of mutual support and concern are vital to our well-being.

At this point one of our friends told us about a family member that told her he wished a certain person would die. And although she could sympathize with the feeling she encouraged him to be more accepting of the other person even though that person could be very nasty and hurtful. This story sort of emphasized how the you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours approach to relationships has its limits. Someone said that it gives the other person too much power. Since we will only treat people like they treat us we are simply responding to others. This means that we become reactive rather than proactive in our relationships. We agreed that it is not good to give others that much power over our lives. Another friend said it was important to love others even if they didn't love us back but that doesn't mean we have to like them which made us laugh.

This led us to talk about Job who is another of the great characters in the bible. We talked about how Job pretty much lost everything he had, including all of his children. Someone said that Job was a bit of a whiner but that he actually had a lot to whine about. But rather than give up on God because of all the crap in his life Job stubbornly kept trusting in spite of the negative cirumstances. This led a few of our friends to talk about some of the challenges they were facing in their lives that required a subborn faith. We agreed that it is relatively easy to trust God when things are good but that when things go bad it is difficult. Joelle said that is when we start asking, "Why me?"

One of our new friends shared how she was in danger of losing her house and that she was feeling very fearful about this. But that she was glad she had joined us because it helped her to get out and be around other people rather than sitting around whining about her circumstances. Our friend Terrence told us how nice it was to be involved in a service over the weekend in which his 9 year old son was recognized for some good things. Our friend Marney talked about having a good morning with her teenage son in spite of some of the challenges they are facing and that he was beginning to realize the importance of cooperating with her.

As our conversation came to a conlusion we felt encouraged that we could continue to learn better ways to relate to God and to one another.

I've Never Seen A U-Haul Following a Hearse

2011-04-16T18:31:00.000-05:00

In our Free Store conversation on Friday morning we continued our month long exploration of issues of wealth and poverty. Our tagline for the month is "Stop Buying Shit and Shop at the Free Store." We are having some fun with the whole Anti-consumerism April thing as well as some growing pains as many of us are discovering how deep rooted is this insatiable impulse to buy stuff.

We started the conversation by talking about no matter how much we have it is never enough. Our reach always seems to exceed our grasp when it comes to money. We looked at a text in Ecclesiastes that says that if you love money you will never have enough of it and that if you love wealth you will never be satisfied with your income. Sheila said that even though you need money it doesn't make you happy.

Someone brought up the TV show Buried Alive that goes inside the homes of extreme hoarders to explore the psychology of it. This made us smile as we talked about how attached we become to things and how such attachments aren't always healthy. We become so attached to our things because we start to view them as an extention of ourselves. This is why we feel violated when someone steals something of ours. But this is why it can actually be liberating to lose things because it can free us from our attachment to stuff that can't make us happy and doesn't define who we are. Having more stuff doesn't make us more of a person and having less stuff doesn't diminsh who we are. At this point our friend Larry walked into the room and gave Sheila a rose that he had cut from one of the bushes at the warehouse. We all thought that was a very sweet gesture and Sheila was very pleased with it.

Someone brought up how someone might stay in a marriage with a person they don't really love just for the money. Sheila got us laughing when she talked about meeting her husband Dave. At the time he was homeless and only had a couple pairs of pants and a couple shirts but she saw his heart and loved him, and the rest, as they say, is history.

We talked about how being rich might seem like the solution to all our troubles but we decided that is not a realistic way of thinking. Someone said that the more you have the more you have to lose which gives you more to worry about. We talked about how you could have a very high paying job and yet still be miserable because you don't like what you do at work. Mark said that if you don't like your job you have a lot of time to be miserable. For some reason this led us to talk about our favorite jobs. Rick said his favorite job was as head teller at a bank. George said that he liked working at a factory that made steel doors even though he was having issues at home with his wife at the time. Sheila said her favorite job was working for AT & T. Mark said that he enjoyed doing home renovations and he told us about a friend that used to tell him to find work that he enjoyed and that the money would follow. Interestingly Mark got a phone call during our discussion and later told us that he was hired to start working on Monday morning for which he was very happy.

We talked about how we bring nothing with us into the world and that we take nothing with us when we depart, naked we come and naked we go as it says in the good book. Sheila made us laugh when she asked why it was so important to wear clothes all the time. We talked about how the Egyptian King's used to have their stuff buried with them but that when the archaelogists dig up their tombs up the stuff is still there. We laughed a bit imagining how disappointed they must be when they arrive at their destination without their extensive luggage! Mark told us that his grandmother used to tell him, "I've never seen a U-Haul following a hearse."

As our conversation moved toward a conclusion we looked at another text in Ecclesiastes that says, "it is good for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot." Someone mentioned a scene in the movie Antz in which the ant character voiced by Woody Allen says, "It's my lot in life, it's not a lot but it's my life." It really is a gift to find enjoyment in our lives and our work and not worry so much about the money.

The Pirate's Code and the Ten Suggestions

2011-04-15T06:20:00.000-05:00

In our Thursday morning Free Store conversation George Dunn joined us as he normally does. George always brings at least a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and we have noticed that our friends have started coming early on Thursdays which we think might be related in some strange mystical way to the donuts but we're not certain.

George started the discussion, well we call it a discussion even though George can be a bit preachy but at least he is lively and entertaining and he lets us interrupt him. He told us that he wanted to talk about the ten suggestions which were found in the biblical book of Exodus. This brought a smile to our faces and someone made a reference to the movie Pirates of the Carribean and the Pirate's Code which was actually more like guidelines than a strict code.

This thing about rules and laws comes up quite a bit in our discussions so apparently as a group we must have some issues with authority. But as many of us have discovered these mechanisms of control do as much, if not more, to keep us down as they do to keep us straight. Our friend Marney talked about how it was possible to get so focused on the rules that we could lose sight of what they were all about. So although we understand the necessity of rules and laws we think there is a better way to live, a way that encourages creativity and promotes mature and loving relationships.

So back to the ten suggestions George told us that God gave them through Moses, which is really not that many when you think about it, but that then the lawyers went to work and before long there were way more rules than anyone could possibly keep track of, no less keep them all. George was quick to point out that we like lawyers, especially as our good friend Robert is an attorney and also a supporter of the free store which made us all laugh. Not long after this Robert walked in on our discussion so he must have sensed we were talking about him. He told me later that he likes to join us when he can to feel alive before he goes to work and starts dying.

As our conversation proceeded we started talking about how all rules are subject to personal interpretation. I then told the group how my son Jon apparently has a different interpretation of the word clean than his mother and I do when it comes to cleaning his room. George mentioned how every law, even the divine laws, can be interpreted in different ways and used the example of the fourth commandment and whether it refers to Saturday or Sunday, which religious people have argued about for centuries. On a positive note Marney then told us about how pleased she was that recently she was able to enter into an agreement with her eighteen year old son that she felt was real progress in their relationship.

Sheila told us that she was having a hard time dealing with the death of her husband Dave recently but that she was doing what she had to do. She told us about a friend that had encouraged her "to get off your ass and get to work" and how that had actually helped her which made us smile. She said that she hoped Dave was in heaven and we all encouraged her to keep hoping because if it is true that God is love then there is hope for all of us beyond the cold grave. George encouraged us to read Rob Bell whose name rhymes with "go to hell" but whose message is the opposite of that bad news.

As we wrapped the conversation up George talked about following our own conscience and not imposing our personal rules on others. He talked about some of his vegan friends that are just horrified at his unapologetic carnivorous diet which made us laugh. He encouraged us with the idea that God relates to us as individuals and to give each other the same freedom that has been so generously given to us.

Do I LOVE you or do I love YOU?

2011-04-14T07:02:00.000-05:00

In our free store conversation on Wednesday morning Carlos started us off by asking us to think about where the emphasis is placed when we say, "I love you." Is it I LOVE you? Or is it I love YOU? Do we love because that is just something that we do? Or do we love because of some quality in the person that we are loving? He told us to keep that distinction in mind as we continued our study in the book of Galatians.

We jumped into the conversation by talking about Abraham's two sons, Isaac and Ishmael, and his two wives, Sarah and Hagar. We joked a bit about what it might be like to have two wives or two husbands but in general nobody thought that would work out very well. Carlos basically told us that Abraham's two wives represent two different ways of relating to God. The one way is governed by rules. We have come to refer to this as the "don't system." But what we have been discovering is that the "don't system" just "don't" get us right with God. Someone said that when we are always taught "don't" that we come to think that we "can't" and so we don't. That whole system is completely self-defeating and many of us have come to see it is also a dead end street.

Carlos told us about being required to take a driver's education class as a result of some traffic violations. He didn't say exactly what they were and we missed our chance to ask him and tease him about it. But he said that a guy in the class asked the training officer about how much you could travel over the speed limit before getting a ticket. The officer explained to the man that it was called speed "limit" for a reason and that you could be ticketed no matter how fast you were going over that limit. This made us laugh as we realized that the law points out our limits rather than stretching us to develop our potential.

Our friend Carolyn told us later in the day, when she stopped by for a visit, that she had been at the courthouse and had left her car parked on the street too long and got a ticket. When she came out and saw the officer writing the ticket she said "I've never gotten a ticket before, can you take it back." The officer said, "No. You have to keep it." That story gave us a great deal of pleasure as it showed us even more clearly the function of the law to limit us rather than to further our development.

So we were glad when Carlos pointed out that there is another way of living that is an alternative to the don't system with its rules and limits. This is the way of love and creativity and freedom. It puts us on a path of growth that leads us to become mature and responsible human beings. This way of life frees us to do things that seemed impossible under the don't system that pounded the can't into our brains. Carlos told us that we can live by love and that we could do it today.

As our discussion moved to a conculsion one of our friends talked about a neighbor that she had helped but the woman was now treating her unkindly. Carlos said that sometimes when we love people they may think that we are trying to manipulate or take advantage of them in some way because they are not used to being loved in the right way. Sheila told us about experiences she has had in helping some of her homeless friends and then being taken advantage of. However, she said that she was going to keep loving them anyway because she remembered how hard it was to be on the street. She talked about how we don't always know how difficult another person's life may be and that we shouldn't love people just because of what we can get out of them.

That seemed like real wisdom and it also brought our conversation full circle back to where we started. Do I LOVE you? Or do I love YOU?

Life Lessons From a Remote Controlled Monster Truck

2011-04-13T07:57:00.000-05:00

Our good friend Gary joined us as he normally does on the second Tuesday of each month for our free store conversation. He was carrying a brown bag with him that we initially thought contained food but we soon discovered that instead he had brought a toy. Now he told us that it was a toy that his grown kids had left behind when they moved out of the house. But given the fun that he had with it we teased him that he clearly had purchased it for himself.

The toy turned out to be a remote controlled monster pick up truck that Gary proceeded to put on the floor and run around the room. He managed to run over a few toes and bump into a few walls for which he was properly scolded. As he ran it around the room Gary said that the toy went exactly where he directed it and did exactly what he wanted it to. Then he asked us to imagine that he was God and the truck was a human being and to think about how his relationship to it was both like and unlike our relationship with God.

Curtis started things off by saying that whereas the truck was completely under Gary's control that human beings have free choice so we don't have to do what God wants us to. We talked about how God gives us signals and directions but that we are much more complicated than an inanimate toy. Gary said that since the truck was wireless the signals were invisible to us just like our relationship with God.

Someone else said that like the truck we get our power from a source outside of ourselves and if God didn't push the power button we wouldn't go anywhere. We talked a bit about how our world is infused with the life of God and that to mistreat any part of it, including ourselves, animals, and nature, is to disrespect the source of life itself. Linda made us a laugh when she said that our batteries also ran out like the toy truck. Someone else said that we could do a lot more damage to ourselves and others than the toy truck.

Although we weren't sure exactly how it fit in Terrence said that God wants us to prosper but that we shouldn't think of this as only about money and material things. He said that our spirit was just as important as our physical body to which many heads were nodding in agreement.

In concluding our discussion Gary told us a story about a hermit that lived in a cave and said this might not be a lot different than the living situations of some of our friends. The hermit returned to his cave and discovered a thief. He told the man that he only had three things; a small bowl, a thin mat to lay on and he said the thief could take those items but the other thing he could not give the thief. The thief was of course interested in the third thing so the hermit took the man down to the trail to a pond. As it was night the hermit pointed to a round silver disk in the middle of the pond and pointing to it said "that is the thing I cannot give you." The thief realized that the disk was the reflection of the moon. The hermit said that it was a reminder to him that all the good things in the world were a reflection of the love of God and were gifts that could be pointed out but not given away.

We were very encouraged to realize that the most important things in life can neither be bought with our money nor stolen from us. Gary said that was a bit like what was happening at the free store which made us all smile.

How You Treat People Is More Important Than Anything Else You Do (Yes Anything)

2011-04-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

In our Saturday morning free store conversation we talked about something Jesus said in his famous sermon on the mount. He basically told his friends that if they were at the altar with their gift and they remembered that someone had something against them that they should leave their gift and go and make things right with that person. We talked a bit about what it meant to take a gift to the altar since this wasn't something that was very familar to us. Someone said that it was like taking an offering to church. This made sense and we all agreed that Jesus was most likely talking about the religious act of presenting a gift to our God, whether it be in a synagogue, temple, mosque, or church.

Someone asked the question why human beings feel like we have to give gifts to God. We wondered what it says about God that we think we have to give gifts in order to receive the divine favor. Someone suggested that it might be because we are afraid of God and feel like we have to pay for our mistakes in some way. We laughed when someone said that at least we don't have to offer animal sacrifices anymore because we only kill them for hamburgers at McDonalds now.

At this point in our conversation someone said that it was pretty radical that Jesus told his friends to leave their gift at the altar and go make peace with the person that had something against them. It seemed radical to us that Jesus would say that our relationships with people trumps our relationship with God. That is exactly the opposite of what most of us had been taught at church. Our friend Debbie said that it was probably harder to deal with people so instead we focus on our relationship with God. When questioned about what that meant she said that if we think that God loves us then we sort of know that we will be accepted. However, people don't have to accept us when we reach out to them so it's a bit more risky for us.

We talked a bit about what kinds of things that people might hold against one another. One of our friends said infidelity was hard to forgive. George thought that lying and stealing were pretty good reasons to be upset with someone. Sheila said that it was very difficult to deal with someone that wouldn't communicate with you. It was sobering to realize how many things that we can do to offend and hurt others. But at least we have the opportunity to minize the damage that we do by reaching out in friendship even when we have made mistakes.

As the discussion moved toward a conclusion the question came about why treating others could be more imporant than even our worship of God. After a bit of silent reflection someone suggested that since every person is made in the image of God then the way we treat people is in reality the way that we are treating God. Although we found that statement a bit challenging it is also very encouraging. Every person matters and no one has a right to abuse another human being.

I'm Rich and Noboby's Gonna Make Me Poor

2011-04-09T06:29:00.000-05:00

In our Friday morning free store conversation we talked about the story that Jesus told about a rich man and his dishonest manager. The gist of the story is that this rich guy discovers that his property manager is embezzling money. We started by talking about how people that have a lot of stuff actually depend on other peope to manage it for them. We had a bit of fun when we started asking around the circle if we could make a list of everything that we owned. Rick admitted that he couldn't even make a list of everything he had in his bedroom. And we all laughed when he talked about having drawers full of stuff that he didn't even know he had.

We also talked about how much energy people put into protecting the stuff they have. Like the rich man in the story we all cling to the property that we have like it was a lifeline. Rick told us about a man that he knew that used to say, "I'm rich and nobody's gonna make me poor" which gave us a good laugh. Somehow we were all able to identify with this attachment to possessions that can be so exagerrated in very rich people.

When we got back in the story we discovered that when the dishonest man was caught stealing that put him in a real bad spot. He basically admitted that he had a pretty cushy job with the rich guy but didn't like the idea of having to look for other means of support. Basically he didn't want to have to get a job that required too much physical work and he was too proud to beg. This gave us a bit of a laugh and led us into a discussion about some of the worst jobs we have had. George said he used to pick tobacco which was very hot and hard work. He said that sometimes snakes would hide around the base of the plants as well as spiders. Rick told us about his nephew that went to work on the farm and after the first day collapsed on the bed at the end of the day and slept right through until morning. He was impressed when the kid got up and went to work the next day and worked on the farm the whole summer. Someone else talked about digging ditches when he was fifteen years old and deciding right then that he would go to college.

We also talked a bit about how it can be humiliating to beg or even to ask for help. We decided that it was mostly pride that kept us from asking for help even when we needed it. Interesting that many of our friends actually resort to begging as a means to support themselves. Our friend Billy used to sit at the free store table and write on his cardboard sign "Homeless, Hungry, Please Help." Then he would wink when he left and say, "I'm goin ta use my credit card."

We discovered that the dishonest manager came up with a very creative solution to his problem. He called all of the people that owed the rich man money and had each of them reduce their bill by about fifty percent. We got a bit of a laugh out of this and smiled at the man's ingenuity. George said that guy was like Robin Hood stealing from the rich to give to the poor but that it was still wrong. The thing that really struck us was that the rich man actually commended the dishonest steward. He basically said that the guy was smart for using his money to make friends. And since Jesus told the story we felt that he was also commending the man for his use of money to make friends.

Someone told the story about a friend he knew named Dave that sold his small general store and bought a van and motorcyle and now travelled around the country and spent time with friends everywhere he went. Dave used to say, "Man you own too much to be free." We talked some about how it might seem like a good thing to be wealthy and have a lot of stuff but it all comes with a price. We might like the big house but that house comes with a big mortgage which requires a big paycheck which means the owner has to keep his big paying job even if he hates it.

In conclusion we talked about how the best use of money is to spend it on the people around us. We can get so preoccupied with our possessions that we can easily forget that it is really our relationships in life that matter most.

Panic Attacks, Atrial Fibrillations, and Zombies

2011-04-08T09:51:00.000-05:00

Our friend George Dunn joined us as he normally does for our Thursday morning conversation. George is pretty popular at the free store, in part because he brings at least a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts each time that he comes. Beyond this he is very generous and does what he can to support his friends. We refer to him now as the loaves and fishes guy. George has a great sense of humor and always gives us something challenging and inspiring to think about.

Our friend Donald was first in line for the donuts, but as we have seen before just how many the man can consume we had to limit him to just one. It was all in good fun and Donald knows that we care about him and he was able to laugh as we teased him about it.

George started the conversation by telling us that heart disease is the number one killer in our country. And that hypertension is the number one cause of heart disease. And that anxiety is the number one cause of hypertension. George told us that he has had three heart attacks and the last one was nearly fatal but through it he came away with a new sense of purpose and meaning for his life. He suggested that the way to best deal with anxiety is to learn to trust in God rather than government, medicine, or social security. George always has a bit of a twinkle in his eye as he says such things.

We talked a bit about how ironic it is that as a country we have so much wealth and yet so little health and happiness. Collectively we probably take more Prozac and other antidepressants than any other place in the world. One of our friends said that the more you have the more that you have to lose and the more that you have to worry about.

A new friend told us that she suffered from very severe panic attacks. She said that she was trusting God and taking some medication for it and hoped to get it under control. She said that it was very scary and yet she was hopeful that her condition would improve. Our friend Paul talked about his anxiety over being diagnosed with atrial fibrillation which runs in his family and that he knows it can be fatal. It was sobering to realize as we listened to our friends that there are very real and legitimate reasons for our fears and anxieties.

This led one of our friends to talk about how our anxieties can be irrational at times as well. He told us about his son Jon who is deathly afraid of zombies and refused to go outside after dark the other night to get the mail even though he thought it might contain a video game he was expecting. This made us laugh as we realized that our minds can manufacture things to be worried about even when there is no real threat.

We concluded our conversation with a discussion about how we can throw a pity party for ourselves as we face adverse circumstances. This is the classic question we throw at God as we rail against the cruel universe, "Don't you care about us?" Or we can learn what it means to trust God as a way to manage our anxieties and learn to live without disabling anxiety and fear. This is the classic question that God asks us as we sob and bluster, "Don't you trust me?"